


Georjaina & the Boy

by SoftStep86



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Marauders' Era, Other, Paradox, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-09 00:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 65,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13469934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftStep86/pseuds/SoftStep86
Summary: "Sirius was too busy being a big rebel to get married." - JKR, 2004. He may have had too much in his life to ever settle down but an imaginary friend, someone who was there for him whenever he needed it, might just help to balance him out. The trouble was, she wasn't imaginary.





	1. Chapter 1 - DAY 1 & DAY 2

DAY 1

 

Her hands grasped onto something rough and sharp, and a moment later her knee hit the ground. She gasped as she felt pain sear across her right palm and she opened her eyes, looking quickly in each direction but she was alone in the dim alleyway. Carefully she turned and sat on the ground, pulling her hand close up to her face to inspect the cuts. Behind her was a brick wall, the thin streaks of blood barely visible against the red.

                She held her wrist and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the rough stone, waiting for the dizziness to pass. It had been a long time since she had jumped but the nauseating feeling was still ever familiar. For just a moment she forgot and she almost pulled out her wand to mend her skin but then she shook her head and blew out a huff before carefully standing again.

                Wiping her hand gently against her pants she started toward the end of the alley, where she heard faint voices echoing off the walls. She took two more turns in the maze of walls and groaned inwardly; Knockturn Alley, again. She would have to make her way back to Diagon without looking conspicuous, and bleeding from the hand didn’t help.  Reaching inside her shirt she grabbed ahold of her camisole and tore a strip from it, wrapping it around her hand. Even though she couldn’t use it she still checked her pocket to make sure her wand was still secure.

                Again the main alley was bustling with people, which made it easy to slip in amongst them, but it was still disorienting. This was the third time she had arrived here this year and every time it appeared to be just before the start of school because a vast majority of the patrons were children of all ages leading their parents around. Looking up and down the street she decided to find an empty bench and wait; no one here would mind her suddenly popping into nothingness.

                ‘Jaina!’ She heard the young voice cry out but she was so accustomed to not being recognized that it wasn’t until he said her name a second time that she actually turned to look. There was a dark haired, dark eyed boy pushing through the crowd toward her and when he was but feet away he threw himself forward, wrapping his thin arms around her waist.

                She stared down at the top of his head as he squeezed her tightly and when he finally looked up his eyes went immediately to her wrapped hand.

                ‘Are you hurt? Let me see,’ he said, grasping her wrist. Still she watched in silence as he quickly unwrapped the makeshift bandage and he inspected the cuts. ‘I have something,’ he said as he rummaged in a small bag at his hip. ‘My mother always makes us carry this because if we get into a fight we have to fix ourselves.’

                ‘Who are you fighting?’ she couldn’t help but ask as she watched him pull out a bottle of Dittany.

                ‘Regulus, of course,’ he replied as he dabbed the substance onto her skin, watching as puffs of green smoke issued from the scratches, and when he looked up again she seemed to be frowning. ‘My brother?’

                Still she seemed confused but it was only after he had wrapped her palm in a clean cloth and was putting the bottle back in his bag that he seemed to realize.

                ‘Oh...!’ he suddenly cried out, looking up at her with large, round eyes. ‘I forgot… you told me it was today!’ He half smiled at her, as if amused. ‘My name is Sirius. Sirius Black. And you’re Georjaina, I know. Obviously.’

                Georjaina closed her eyes for a moment, searching for that name but it wasn’t there.  And when she felt him touch her other hand she opened them again.

                ‘You told me to tell you that this is _your_ first time but not mine, that I’m eleven years old, and that…oh, I forgot,’ he said, frowning a little himself.

                ‘Sirius!’ a woman’s voice snapped over the crowd and they both looked.

                ‘That’s mother, I have to go!’ he said quickly, squeezing her hand. ‘But I’ll see you soon, right?’

                ‘I…I don’t know,’ Georjaina replied quietly.

                Sirius nodded and started toward his mother, but after a moment he stopped and turned.

                ‘Oh yes, I remember,’ he said, his face bright. ‘You said to tell you that it’s about me, that it’s always been about me.’

                Georjaina felt her stomach clench and she stared helplessly after him as he disappeared into the crowd.

 

 

DAY 2

 

Georjaina was carefully washing her right hand in the bathroom sink. She was so exhausted the night before that, as soon as she returned home, she curled up in her bed and slept through the night. She could now use her wand to heal what was left of the scratches but the boy’s potion had helped immensely. Even still, she wanted to properly wash it before closing it up.

                She sighed heavily as she looked up at the mirror. His last words had rung through her head since he said them, even as she slept, but she didn’t understand. Who was he and where had he come from? And what did he have to do with her?

                She had never spoken to someone like that before when she had jumped. She always traveled backwards and they were all just strangers passing by. Once in a while she would catch a glimpse of someone from her own childhood but they wouldn’t have recognized her anyway.

                The faucet squeaked a little as she turned it off and she patted her palm dry carefully with a towel.

                Black. She knew of the family, of course, but she didn’t know any of them personally.  But that boy…he wouldn’t have said what he did if she hadn’t told him to, she was sure of that. Did that mean she would jump again soon?

                Georjaina gasped and pulled her hand back from the towel sharply. For one moment she thought perhaps it had just been static that had shocked her but then she dropped the towel from her other hand when she noticed that it too was beginning to spark. She stood up as straight as she could, took in a deep breath, closed her eyes, and concentrated on staying upright….

                She felt the floor tilt and then suddenly she slammed into the ground. She could tell she was outside because of the intense smell of grass in her face. She groaned again and held her head for a moment, not able to care too much if she had been spotted this time or not. She had never jumped twice this close to each other and the nausea was worse than ever before.

                It was several minutes before she was able to stand. Luckily she had appeared in a heavily shaded area, surrounded by large bushes and a few towering trees. After extracting herself from the plant life it didn’t take her long to ascertain that she hadn’t landed in Diagon again. Around her was a large park, definitely in London, and the sun was warm and high above her. People of all sorts were milling about, walking and talking and enjoying the summer weather.

                She wandered a little, slowly at first, but then she remembered the boy…something told her to turn suddenly and there he was, sitting alone on a bench. She approached carefully, watching his solemn face, not knowing what to expect. Sirius looked up when she was only a few feet away.

                ‘Do you mind?’ she asked, motioning to the seat beside him and he nodded. She noticed he looked down to the ground again as soon as she was sitting. ‘Er…do you know me?’

                ‘Yes, Jaina,’ he replied in a monotone voice, still not looking at her.

                She sighed in half relief, half anxiety, leaning back and closing her eyes for a moment as she ran her fingers through her hair. And when she opened them again she found that he was watching her.

                ‘What’s the matter?’ she asked quietly.

                Sirius shook his head. ‘My brother. He told my parents about you and they scolded me for having an imaginary friend at my age.’

                ‘But…I’m not imaginary.’

                ‘I know that. But you’re never around long enough for them to meet you.’ He gave her a hard look, as if this were her fault.

                Georjaina fidgeted uncomfortably. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t…I don’t even know what I’m doing here.’

                He shook his head and looked away from her again. She thought for a moment, replaying everything he had said the last time they met.

                ‘Sirius, how old-‘

                ‘I’m nine. Can’t you tell the difference?’ he snapped and she stared at him.

                ‘Listen, I know this may sound strange, but this is only my second time meeting you,’ she said after a moment and she noticed his face softened slightly. ‘I have a feeling we’re not meeting in the same order. How many times have you met me?’

                He hesitated, thinking. ‘This is the…sixth time.’

                Georjaina’s eyebrows went up in surprise. ‘How old were you the first time?’

                ‘Five.’

                For some reason there was a sinking feeling in her chest and she was startled when she felt his hand in hers quite suddenly. They sat in silence like that for a while, side by side, holding hands.

                ‘Will you ever come to my house someday?’ he asked after a while.

                ‘I don’t know, perhaps?’ she replied, looking over at him again. ‘I don’t really have control over it.’

                He nodded. ‘Do you visit others?’

                ‘No. I’ve…I’ve never seen the same person more than once before.’ She was thinking again about what he had said yesterday. Well, her yesterday. For him that moment was two years in the future.

                ‘And are you going to stay long?’ he asked and she noticed he was leaning toward her slightly. She hesitated, uneasy for some reason, and the she wrapped her arm around him and pulled him to her side. He hugged her back fiercely, his little hands grasping her shoulders. ‘You’re the only one that hugs me.’ His voice was muffled against her shirt and again she felt her stomach clench. She closed her eyes and pressed her cheek to the top of his head.

                ‘I have to go home,’ he said as he finally pulled away. She noticed he was discretely wiping at his glistening eyes. ‘Or I’ll be in more trouble.’

                ‘Can I walk with you?’ she asked and he nodded, taking her hand again as she stood. They walked quietly through the park, comfortable in their silence, but as they neared the street she felt her hands begin to prick.

                ‘I have to go,’ she said quietly, giving him a tight smile. ‘But I’ll see you again, I promise.’             

                He nodded as he released her hand. ‘You are my friend, right?’

                Suddenly her smile was genuine. ‘Of course I am.’

 

That night she dreamt of the boy, of his kind but troubled face. She hardly knew a thing about him and yet he was there on her heart, she could feel it. He was a wizard, obviously, and he lived in London. He hadn’t yet mentioned a father but his mother didn’t sound like fun, and she was guessing that his brother Regulus was younger than him.

                Georjaina sat cross legged on her bed, holding a pillow to her chest, and she glanced out the window into the dark night, wondering if he were out there somewhere. Both times they had met had seemed fairly modern but if he was alive now why did she keep visiting the past to see him? The thought of seeking him out made her anxious and so she lay back instead and drifted into a shallow sleep where she felt as though his dark eyes were watching her.


	2. Chapter 2 - DAY 3 & DAY 4

DAY 3

 

In the morning she felt cold and shaky. She soaked in the hot shower for a long time until she felt grounded enough again to move about her normal day. Nothing happened during breakfast and around lunch time she ventured out to the local park. It was brisk and a little windy out today, and she walked with her hands in the pockets of her jacket, not really watching where she was going as she wandered among the trees.

                She couldn’t get the image of his face out of her head. And so many questions followed behind it. There must be a connection between them, there had to be, but there was no one for her to talk to about it. No one but Sirius.

                Inside the lining of her pocket she felt a sharp stab at the tip of her finger and she pulled her hand out to check, finding the familiar spark she had been expecting. She moved quickly into a clump of trees and as she closed her eyes to concentrate she found herself imagining his young face again, and she smiled. Suddenly it occurred to her, for the first time, that she actually knew where she was going. Not the actual place but at least the person she was going to. She took in a deep breath as she felt her other hand spark and when the world tilted beneath her feet she tilted with it…

                And she landed upright, still on her feet, still holding her breath, her eyes still closed. She blinked them open rapidly, her head spinning a little, but the nausea wasn’t there. She was in Diagon again but this time properly on the main street and not in Knockturn Alley. It was a little chilly here and there weren’t many people out and about; she guessed that it might be spring time instead of fall. She wandered slowly down the cobblestone, her hands in her pockets again, and her sharp eyes taking everything in as she searched for him.

                He must be here otherwise she wouldn’t have come. Up and down every side street she glanced until she finally spotted his small form, glued to the front window of a shop. She approached slowly, trying to ascertain his age before she asked and thinking that he was definitely younger than the last time they had met. When she was close enough to see she smiled to herself at the way he was staring up longingly at a broom display at the front of Quality Quidditch Supply. She stopped behind him to admire it as well, until the reflection of her face came into view across the handle of the broomstick, and Sirius gasped in delight, turning on the spot and hugging her middle once again.

                She chuckled as she placed her hands on his back and held him to her affectionately.

                ‘Are you alone?’ she asked when he beamed up at her.

                ‘No. Mother brought me shopping,’ he explained as he released her. ‘It was either this or visit my grandmother with Regulus.’

                Georjaina smiled at the disdain in his voice. ‘Where is she?’

                ‘In Knockturn,’ he replied in a hushed voice. ‘I’m not aloud. She just lets me wander now that I’m older.’

                ‘Older?’

                ‘Seven,’ he said with understanding and she nodded.

                ‘I see.’ She looked up and down the deserted street for a moment, thinking. ‘Do you know, I have a good feeling about this visit. Would you like to get something to eat with me?’

                ‘Can I have a butterbeer?’ Sirius asked quickly and she grinned as he took her hand.

                ‘Just don’t tell anyone, alright?’ she replied, trying to sound stern.

                ‘I won’t. I don’t tell anyone about our meetings anyway.’

                They walked down to the end of the alley together and into the Leaky Cauldron. There were only a few patrons inside and the bartender came over immediately to seat them at a table by the fire. He seemed strangely unsuspicious but then again she was old enough to be his aunt or even his mother, really. Georjaina ordered them two butterbeers and a platter of chips, grateful that everything she had on her always jumped with her.

                Sirius seemed so happy and talkative since yesterday, _her_ yesterday, and so she took advantage of it, asking him a multitude of questions that he was only two happy to answer. She was right in her suspicions about his mother; she sounded like a fierce, hard headed, terror of a woman who expected loyalty and obedience from all, especially her two young boys. He complained of Regulus but he sounded like any average young boy who wanted nothing more than to be like their older brother, and she could tell Sirius harbored a soft spot for him after all. He didn’t say much about his father, who worked most of the time, but he said enough for her to understand that he was a prominent figure in a long, distinguished line of wizards and that he did them proud with his position at the Ministry.

                ‘Are you always with your mother?’ she asked as she scraped at the dregs of her butterbeer with her straw. ‘Have you ever had a nanny?’

                ‘We did once but Regulus caught her hair on fire,’ he replied with a bit of a grin.

                Georjaina looked at him with raised eyebrows. ‘Really? Your sweet-sounding brother did all that?’

                ‘Well…’ His cheeks colored slightly as he ducked his head. ‘It wasn’t entirely on purpose, if you’re inquiring about the position.’

                She cleared her throat and continued to swirl the foam around in the mug.

                ‘Do you live around here?’ he asked suddenly and she looked up again.

                ‘No,’ she replied a little hesitantly. ‘Not around here.’

                ‘Are you from the countryside?’

                Georjaina licked her lip nervously. He was just being curious, she knew that, but there was a sharp warning at the back of her mind not to overshare with him. She may be hesitant to seek him out but it might not occur to him how dangerous that could be.

                ‘I do like the countryside,’ he continued after a moment when she didn’t answer. ‘We have a summer home in North Wessex. We should be going there next month.’

                She watched him as he talked, describing the hills and fields surrounding their cottage, and she smiled at the thought of him running free through the tall grasses.

                ‘There’s another wizard family on the other side of the woods but they…’ he slowed as he suddenly noticed the look on her face. ‘What is it? Do you have to go?’

                She nodded, her smile tight again. He stared at her for a moment, the longing evident in his eyes, and then his gaze dropped to where she held her hands together on the table. Georjaina could see the sparks reflected in his dark eyes.

                ‘I’m going to move away from you, just in case,’ she said quietly as she motioned to stand.

                ‘When will I see you again?’ he asked, standing as well, and her chest clenched at the strain in his voice.

                ‘I don’t know, I’m sorry.’ She headed across the room and out into the back alleyway but he was following on her heals. ‘Sirius…’

                ‘You can control it, I know you can!’ he cried, trying to grab her hand but she pulled away.

                ‘I don’t…’ She was shaking her head and holding her sparking hands at her sides.

                ‘Jaina, please! Promise me you’ll try!’

                She felt the ground start to tip and she looked into his face, once more memorizing the young features that she was half worried she would never see again.

                ‘I’m-‘ But she didn’t get a chance to finish as she slammed face down onto the floor of her bedroom. She gasped for breath as she attempted to roll over and then she got onto her knees quickly, half crawling to the bathroom before she retched into the toilet. And when she was done she lay her head down on the cool tiles, trying to keep herself from seeing his distressed face. She now knew more about his family but even still, why did he cling to her when he obviously knew little about her? Was she really the only person in his life that showed him kindness?

  

 

DAY 4

 

Georjaina forced herself to eat a bowl of cereal because nothing sounded good. Yesterday had been crushing and the only hope she had to hold onto was that this horrible, tremulous week would continue, and that she would go back to see him again today. She wouldn’t leave her house; she would simply sit and wait for it to happen.

                He needed her, that was very apparent. Though they had met just a handful of times she had enough effect on him that he had told his brother about her. And what was more, she found that she needed him as well. For so long she had pushed people away and closed her life off, always in fear that she would jump at the wrong time or, worst of all, that she would never come back. Before this week it had happened every few months and back then each and every time was terrifying. What if she landed somewhere dangerous? What if she jumped back to a dangerous time? There had never been a pattern before, nothing for her to rely on, and this boy was suddenly a beacon of hope, something that she could hold on to. And she did so fiercely and possessively. He was generally so open and willing with her that it broke her heart to even think of denying him anything that wouldn’t hurt either of them.

 

In the late afternoon she dozed off on the sofa, with the window open behind her and the faint noises of the world beyond. His face swam before her, just out of reach but always watching. Suddenly her hand sparked but she didn’t stir. It was several moments before it happened again and her eyes shot open, and before she could even sit up the world tilted and she slid off the couch…but instead of hitting the wood floor she fell into something soft.

                She hadn’t been prepared this time and she lay with her face in the grass for a little bit while the nausea subsided. Soon she was aware of the fact that it was warm outside and that all around her was grass tall enough that it towered over her from where she lay. Even when she sat up she could barely see over the top of it. Carefully she stood and looked around, shading her eyes with one hand. She was standing in the middle of a field of grass, a rolling sea of soft yellow that flowed all around her in every direction.

                She turned slowly, taking it all in as her blonde hair swirled gently in the breeze, and then she spotted him. Sirius was running toward her as fast as the tall grass would allow but he was still a distance off. Georjaina grinned with delight and hurried to meet him.

                ‘You did it!’ he cried once he was a little closer. ‘I knew it!’

                She laughed as she took in his face, noticing that not an inch of it had changed from yesterday.

                ‘How long has it been?’ she asked once he was in her arms, pressing his face to her side.

                ‘Just three weeks,’ he replied happily and he looked up into her face with a smile. ‘How did you do it?’

                ‘I don’t know, honestly,’ she said as he released her and she sat back in the grass. He sat beside her, crossing his legs and patting down the grass around them. ‘Every time I’ve jumped lately it’s been to where you are and concentrating on that has helped. But I think this time I just kept thinking about how your face looked the last time I saw you…I don’t know. I was half asleep when I jumped this time.’

                ‘Jumped?’ he asked, frowning a little.

                ‘When I…travel. I didn’t know what else to call it,’ she explained and he nodded. She looked around them for a moment, running her hand along the top of the nearest grass. ‘Is this Wessex?’

                ‘Yeah. Our cottage is just over that hill there.’

                ‘Is your family here?’

                Sirius shook his head. ‘My mother and Regulus came with me yesterday but she left again this morning. I don’t think she trusts me to look after him.’

                ‘So you’re all alone?’ she asked, concern in her voice.

                He shrugged. ‘I like it better this way. There’s plenty of food and I can do what I want.’ But he noticed the look on her face and he put on a smile. ‘I’m sure they’ll be back tomorrow. She’s never gone long.’

                Georjaina sighed and lay back in the grass, folding one arm behind her head. After a moment he followed suit and she took his hand when he offered it.

                ‘This place is lovely,’ she said quietly and he smiled over at her.

                ‘I like that I can be outside here but also alone. Whenever I try to go to the park in London people always ask me if I’m lost.’

                She looked over at him with a tight smile as she squeezed his fingers. ‘Will you show me around?’

                He nodded and they stood. With a little difficulty they made their way to the top of the hill and he pointed out their cottage and the neighbors just visible on the other side of the trees.

                ‘When I’m old enough I’ll bring my broomstick out here. It’s the perfect place to practice.’ He took her hand as he led her down the other side of the hill toward the woods. They walked for a bit in silence, the grass beneath their feet turning into crunching sticks and leaves. ‘I like it in here as well but you have to be careful. There’s a farmer on the other side and he’s not very friendly if you step on his land.’

                She chuckled appreciatively as they came down a short slope and a bend to the right brought a bridge into view. The stone pillars on either end appeared to be very old but someone had redone the wooden planks and railing fairly recently.

                ‘This is my favorite spot,’ he told her as they came onto the bridge, the boards creaking eerily beneath their feet. He brought them to the middle and they stopped to lean against the railing and look down at the fairly wide river below.

                ‘This is quite the bridge for being so far out here,’ she commented.

                ‘There used to be a village on the other side of the farm but people moved on. Now there’s only a few houses over there. I think this was the main road at one time.’

                Georjaina watched as he took up a rock that was lying alone on the bridge and he chucked it into the water. It broke the surface silently.

                ‘Sirius, what year is it?’ she asked suddenly and he looked up at her questionably. ‘I want to start keeping track of our visits in a journal.’

                ‘It’s 1967. It was the last time you came too,’ he replied after a moment. ‘Do you not visit me in order?’

                She stared at him for a long time, thinking. It would be two more years for him before she even hinted that this was true but it felt like a delicate subject and she didn’t want to upset him.

                ‘No exactly, no. But writing it down may help me see a pattern,’ she replied, reaching out to smooth a hand over his hair. ‘I already told you I can’t control when or where I come, but at least I can try.’

                A smile grew on his face and he wrapped his arms around her. She held him tightly, closing her eyes and imagining holding him forever, when he suddenly pulled away.

                ‘Your hands,’ he mumbled, watching them as they sparked.

                Georjaina sighed. ‘1967. And you’re 11. Got it.’

                He took a step back from her, folding his arms across his chest. ‘Don’t forget.’

                ‘I won’t. I’m going to figure this out, I promise,’ she replied with a smile and she felt the bridge tilt…

 

Once home again she grabbed her coat and ran outside, Apparating to the nearest village with an open store. She purchased a small black journal embossed with gold and hurried home again to write everything that she could remember down.


	3. Chapter 3 - DAY 5 & DAY 6

DAY 5

 

Georjaina awoke early the next morning and, as soon as she pulled the covers back to get out of bed, she felt her hands began to spark. Swearing under her breath she hurried across the room and grabbed a jumper from the back of a chair. She had just enough time to grab her slippers off the floor when the floor tilted and she flew forward towards the bed…but instead she landed in familiar feeling grass. Her head was spinning but she was able to look around and see that she was once again in the field in Wessex.

                ‘Why are you in your pajamas?’ Sirius’ voice asked from behind her. She turned quickly and then fell back into the grass, unable to keep from laughing at the look on his face.

                ‘I…I didn’t have a chance to change,’ she replied in between chuckles, grasping her stomach as she managed to sit up again. ‘Look at you! You’re older.’

                ‘Older than when…’ he asked a little suspiciously.

                ‘Than the…well, the last time I saw you,’ she replied, finally calming down. He stared down at her for another minute before finally sitting in the grass beside her.

                ‘I’m eleven,’ he said, grabbing a strand of grass and beginning to pull it apart with his fingers.

                ‘And this is what…summer?’ she asked, looking around, and he nodded. ‘So you’ll be starting school this year.’

                Again he nodded but he was still more interested in the grass in his hands than looking at her.

                ‘Are you nervous?’ Georjaina asked after a few moments and he finally looked up.

                ‘What if I’m in Slytherin?’

                ‘Why do you think you will be?’ she asked a little hesitantly.

                ‘Because everyone in my family has been, for generations. And if I’m not…’ He ducked his head with a sigh.

                ‘It’s expected of you,’ she summarized and he nodded. She sighed and reached out, placing a gentle hand on his back. ‘It’s not…an achievement to be put in to a certain house, Sirius. I don’t understand why anyone acts as though it is.’

                ‘Because you’re supposed to act a certain way, especially in public, no matter how you feel inside. That’s what my mother is always saying,’ he replied, looking up at her again. ‘She says the sorting hat will understand that and place me where I belong.’

                She had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. ‘The sorting hat will see who you are, not how you act.’

                He suddenly looked hopeful and she smiled.

                ‘What do you want?’ she asked quietly.

                He hesitated, looking around them even though he knew no one was there. ‘I want to be in Gryffindor.’

                Georjaina smiled. ‘Well, the sorting hat does take your want into account, you know.’

                ‘Really?’

                ‘That’s what I was told,’ she replied with a shrug. ‘And you know, Slytherin isn’t all that bad. Not really.’

                She could see curiosity blossom in his dark eyes.

‘What…you’re not...?

She grinned back at him but didn’t reply. ‘Whatever happens, promise me you won’t let it define you.’

He nodded as she ran her hand over the top of his hair affectionately, and as she pulled her hand back it sparked.

‘Listen, you’ll see me again soon, at Diagon Alley. Can you deliver a message to me?’ she asked quickly. He seemed confused but he nodded anyway. ‘I’m not going to understand what’s happening when you see me but it’ll be alright. Just remember to tell me your age and who you are.’

‘Will it be our first time meeting?’ he asked without thinking and she shook her head.

‘Just for me. Obviously you know who I am already,’ she said as they both stood. Her left hand had begun as well. ‘Oh, and one more thing. Tell me that it’s about you, that it’s always been about you.’

Sirius’ face broke into a genuine grin and the image of his smile followed her as she tilted back into her bedroom. She took a moment to steady herself and then she ran into the kitchen, grabbing her journal from her table.

 

 

DAY 6

 

Georjaina dressed as soon as she awoke. It had been humorous at the time but she didn’t like the idea of always jumping in her pajamas. She caught herself smiling in the mirror as she washed her face and she realized for the first time that she was starting to get on top of this. She still had no idea what their connection was or why she was relevant to his life, but she was happy and even grateful for the first time in her life to have this bizarre gift.

                She tried not to think about it too much as she continued to get ready for the day but it was hard to stray from the memories. The more she saw him the more she wondered about his life and what would happen to him. He had been anxious at the last meeting, more than ever before, but she knew deep down that once he got to school and made the friends he was boundless to make he wouldn’t worry so much about his home life.

                In the afternoon she grabbed her things to head to the park and, as a last minute thought, slipped the journal into her coat pocket. Perhaps she would start carrying it with her, just in case.

                She had a feeling it would happen once she got to walking amongst the trees today and she felt overwhelming calm when it did, as if she had some control over it. She gave in completely and thought of nothing but his face, and she landed upright once more.

                She was in the field in Wessex again but this far from bothered her. It was easier than landing somewhere that she might be seen and she knew deep down that this was one of his favorite places in the world. Shielding her eyes she looked around the tall grasses but didn’t spot anyone. It was much warmer here so she slipped her jacket off and folded it over her arm before heading down toward the woods. The leaves crunched beneath her boots as she walked and she easily found her way back to the bridge, but as it came into view she suddenly stopped and stared.

                There was a young boy sitting on the bridge, his feet and arms dangling over the side. He was small, very small, but still it was definitely him.

                ‘Hello,’ she called softly as she approached. The boy looked up quickly, seemed to be appraising her, and then he offered a smile.

                ‘Hullo,’ he replied, his feet still swinging.

                ‘Sorry, I was just passing through to the village,’ she explained as she came onto the bridge. ‘I didn’t think anyone would be out here.’

                He stared up at her with his all too familiar dark eyes and she smiled down at him.

                ‘This is such a lovely spot. Do you mind if I sit with you?’

                The boy shrugged and moved over, though there was plenty of room beside him.

                ‘My name is Georjaina,’ she said after a few moments.

                ‘Jaina?’

                ‘No, Geor…Jaina works,’ she said with a sigh, though she was still smiling. ‘What’s your name?’

                ‘Sirius.’

                ‘And how old are you?’ she asked and he held up all the fingers on one hand. ‘I see.’

                They both turned to stare down at the water together in silence. So this was it, his first time meeting her. He seemed so young, she could hardly believe that he remembered it, but he did. Though he didn’t seem to know much about her personally he definitely knew that she jumped and it didn’t come as a surprise every time she had met him this far.

                ‘Sirius, can I tell you a secret?’ she asked suddenly and he looked up with a nod, his eyes alight. ‘I’m from the future but I travel in time.’

                His little eyebrows went up but he didn’t respond. ‘I have no control over it, though. It just…happens.’

                ‘You’re a witch, right?’ he asked and she chuckled.

                ‘Of course. But this has nothing to do with that. Normal witches and wizards don’t travel in time.’

                He nodded and turned back toward the water. She watched him for a little bit until she felt her hand prick on the railing.

                ‘I have to go,’ she said as she stood quickly. ‘But I’m sure we’ll meet again soon.’

                He nodded but he wasn’t really looking at her any more. She hesitated before moving away.

                ‘Sirius, please be careful on this bridge, alright?’ she said before running toward the trees, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. It conflicted with the excitement she felt at having met him for his first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t realize these two days were so short until I went back to read them. Eventually they will get longer but there is purposely no consistency to them.
> 
> If you’re still reading thank you so much! It means a lot to me to tell a story like this and know that others are enjoying it.


	4. Chapter 4 - DAY 7 & DAY 8

DAY 7

 

When she landed in Wessex the following morning she somehow felt it was ominous. She had never visited a single place so many times before, even with him. It wasn’t as sunny today and the rolling fields appeared to be more brown than yellow. Wrapping her jumper around her tightly she began to walk up the hill, watching for any hints of movement. At the top she looked down at the cottage but something told her that she should never try to get nearer than this. She turned toward the woods instead, wondering if he would be in the same place as before. It was definitely a pattern, that she had left him at the bridge the last two times, but as she came around the bend in the path she didn’t see him at first.

                She took in a breath, thinking of calling out to him, when movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention. She turned quickly with a smile to find a dark hair, dark eyed little boy poking out from behind a tree to watch her. And she tried very hard not to let her smile falter when she realized it wasn’t him.

                ‘Hello, Regulus,’ she said softly, unconsciously bending her knees a little to not appear so imposing. ‘I’m looking for Sirius. I’m his friend Jaina.’

                She didn’t know when Sirius had told Regulus about her but thought it probably wasn’t quite yet. He only appeared to be three or four years old.

                ‘Do you know where your brother is?’

                Regulus continued to stare at her and then suddenly he pointed toward the bridge. She gave him another smile before heading in that direction when something strange happened. There was a sound, a sort of half yell of fear, and then came the sound of something hitting the water hard.

                ‘Sirius!’ she cried without hesitation as she ran forward, stripping her jumper off as she went. She caught sight of his flailing arms near the middle of the river before he disappeared beneath the surface and she crashed into the shallows. The water was freezing and seemed to be pushing her back but she shoved herself forward and dove in as soon as it was deep enough.

                Swimming to where she thought she last saw him Georjaina hesitated a moment to see if he would resurface before she dove down again. The water was dark and murky, and she wasn’t able to keep her eyes open. She felt around blindly, frantically, having to come to the surface twice for air before she finally got ahold of his shirt. She heaved his small body onto her back and swam for the shore again, her arms and chest burning from the exertion.

                As she dragged him onto the muddy shore she looked around for a moment but couldn’t see a hint of Regulus so she focused her attention again on Sirius. His skin looked pasty and cold, and his lips were tinted in blue. She rolled him onto his side quickly, absolute panic coursing through her veins as she slapped his back several times but nothing happened. For a moment she wanted to grab at her wand but she reminded herself harshly that it wouldn’t be of any help.

                He was definitely a little older than the last time she had seen him but his body looked impossibly small and frail as he lay there still. There were tears on her cheeks as she began to compress his chest several times and then she plugged his nose and breathed into his mouth. _He’ll be alright_ , she told herself as she continued the laborious pattern. _He will be, I’ve seen him after this moment._

                Nearly two minutes passed as she continued to work to get his heart pumping and then she saw his hand rise off the ground on its own accord and he took in a deep, stuttering breath before turning on his side to retch into the grass. Georjaina fell back into the grass, half holding her face as she cried uncontrollably. Sirius rolled onto his back once more and he looked over at her with extraordinarily dark eyes.

                ‘Jaina?’ he asked in a raspy voice and she let out a bittersweet laugh as she crawled forward to his side and took his little hand.

                ‘Don’t ever do that to me again,’ she replied, running her other hand through his wet hair. He nodded as he looked up at her and he frowned when she suddenly pulled her hand back from him; it was sparking.

                She looked around them quickly before focusing on his face once more. ‘I don’t know where your brother went…I saw him just a little bit ago.’

                ‘Sirius!’

                They both looked up when they heard the woman’s voice yell out. At the top of the bend was his mother, being led by the hand by Regulus. Georjaina felt her chest tighten as the other woman looked her in the face and then she pushed herself back from Sirius as she felt the ground tilt away from her…

                She landed on the floor in her living room, her clothes and hair dripping on the floor boards. She rolled onto her stomach and lay there for a long time, concentrating on breathing and wiping gently at her face. It was a long time before she moved again and when she did she realized she had left her jumper by the side of the river. That had never happened before.

 

 

DAY 8

 

She had showered and gone to bed early the night before, exhausted physically and emotionally from what had happened. But she slept soundly, knowing that he was safe, and hoping that she might get a break before jumping again.

                She awoke in the late morning feeling rested but somehow still tired. She dressed quickly again but then took her time with everything else. The face that stared back at her in the mirror was shallow and white, and there were dark circles beneath her eyes. She washed her face with hot water and then went to sit by the window in the living room, opening it a crack to let it some of the cool, fresh air.

                In the afternoon she got around to eating something and she spent some time going over the journal, adding in little notes in the margins here and there. She knew she was avoiding writing about the day before but around dinner time she got up the courage to do so, transcribing all the agonizing details as best she could. She recalled how Regulus had looked almost exactly as she had thought he would; very much like Sirius but with something new and different. She knew it was more than just his nose.

                Yesterday had been the second time she had encountered Mrs. Black and the look the woman had given her still made her slightly uncomfortable. She sighed deeply when she was done, shutting the journal and folding her hands on upon it as she looked out the window.  It was growing dark…               

                Georjaina frowned as she looked over at the clock. She hadn’t made it this late in the day before without jumping and a thrill of panic coursed through her. What if she was done? What if she never saw him again?

                She stood quickly and went into the bathroom to splash more water on her face, willing herself to stay calm. Her skin burned as she turned the water as hot as she could possibly stand it and then she stood with a towel pressed to her face for several moments, just breathing…

                She dropped the towel when she felt her hand prick and she almost cried in relief. She took in a deep breath, gripping her hands into fists as she closed her eyes, the floor tilting violently beneath her, and she landed upright once more.

                She stood for a moment with her eyes still closed, listening to the sounds around her; the breeze drifting through nearby trees, catching the smell of grass as it swirled past her. She opened her eyes and looked upon a dark landscape. But even in the moonlight it was all suddenly familiar and she turned quickly with a gasp before falling back onto the grass in surprise. Hogwarts castle loomed over her, dark and imposing, with its many windows lit for the evening. She felt the tears on her cheeks before she could help it and as she wiped at them gently she suddenly heard the crunch of grass under foot behind her. Standing quickly she turned and thought wildly of her wand…but then she felt the ground drop from beneath her and she panicked, thinking she was jumping again.

                ‘Jaina?’ His voice somehow made her panic slow. He was staring at her openly and she took a step back as she covered her mouth with her hands. She hadn’t been expecting this; it was Sirius standing before her, she was certain of that, but he was years older than she had ever seen him before. ‘What are you doing here?’

                ‘How…how old are you?’ she asked, breathless.

                ‘Sixteen. Just today, actually,’ he replied with a slight grin but his face fell when she suddenly started crying. He was dressed in his Quidditch kit and he dropped his broom in the grass as he came toward her, reaching out for her arms without a thought. ‘What’s the matter? Are you hurt?’

                She was shaking her head as she seemed to still back away from him but at his touch she stopped. He watched her as she stared up at him, disbelief in her eyes, and then she leaned her face against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her there.

                ‘What’s happened?’ he asked quietly after a little bit.

                ‘The last time I saw you…it was the time you fell off the bridge,’ she said, her voice strained, and he sighed in understanding.

                ‘I was six then. Obviously you didn’t get a chance to ask.’

                She closed her eyes for a moment, willing herself to stop crying, and then she slowly extracted herself from his grasp.

                ‘You’ve never jumped to here before, have you?’ he asked when she didn’t seem likely to talk and she nodded. He noticed the way she was looking at him and he felt a strange heat rise in his neck. ‘And you’ve never seen me this old before either, I’m guessing?’

                ‘The oldest you’ve been was eleven,’ she replied. ‘I don’t….I’m just having a hard time excepting that it’s you.’

                Sirius grinned at her and she felt her chest tighten. ‘I had to grow up eventually, didn’t I?’

                Georjaina breathed out a grateful chuckle and then she managed to turn and look up at the castle once more. She was vaguely aware of him coming to stand beside her.

                ‘You’re flourishing here, aren’t you?’ she asked but he simply looked over at her, his face straight. ‘I knew you would. I knew you just needed to be away from home for a little bit.’

                There was something dark and brooding about his eyes, and he looked away from her.

                ‘What is it?’ She reached out and touched his arm softly.

                ‘You said _home_. I don’t think it’s going to be my home much longer,’ he sort of grumbled.

                ‘Has it gotten worse?’

                ‘Did you expect it not to?’ he asked, looking over at her. She stared into his face for a moment, frowning.

                ‘I’m sorry. I had no idea.’

                But he was shaking his head. ‘It’s alright. My best mate’s family has offered me a place to stay, at least for next summer. Maybe I’ll live on my own after that.’ He reached up and placed his hand over hers. ‘Would you still be able to find me then?’

                She gave him a soft smile and he pulled her to him, embracing her roughly again. She chuckled as she remembered the last time he had hugged her, when he was just tall enough to wrap his arms comfortably around her waist.  Now she could barely see over his shoulder.

                ‘I’ve missed you. It’s been a long time,’ he said as he ran one of his hands into her hair. She felt her chest tighten at his touch and she forced herself to slowly pull away again.

                ‘I’m sorry. I wish I could see you more.’

                ‘Me too.’ He still had ahold of her hand and she felt like pulling away entirely when he reached up for her hair again. But then suddenly he pulled his fingers back with a sharp intake of breath. Georjaina scowled as she looked down at her sparking hands and she took a few steps back.

                ‘Do you still have my jumper?’ she asked suddenly and a grin blossomed on his face.

                ‘Why? You can’t have it back.’

                She rolled her eyes in frustration but she was smiling all the same.

                ‘Come back soon,’ he said after hesitating.

                ‘I’ll try,’ she replied, taking a few more steps back. ‘Happy birthday, Sirius.’

                He grinned at her again and she closed her eyes to keep the image in her mind. She landed again on the floor of her living room. Hesitating for a moment, she pulled herself up onto the couch and pulled a pillow onto her lap, hugging it to herself. She was shaking again but she knew it wasn’t for the same reason. His grinning face flashed in front of her eyes suddenly and she felt her cheeks burn as she buried her face into the pillow.


	5. Chapter 5 - DAY 9 & DAY 10

DAY 9

 

It was nearly twenty four hours before she jumped again, well into the evening. She was on the point of panicking once more when her left hand spark and she stood quickly from the table, grabbing up the journal. For whatever reason, whenever it was her left hand first she had less time to prepare herself. For the briefest moment she thought of trying to sit before she jumped but then the floor tilted and it didn’t matter anymore.

                She must have unconsciously been bending her knees, the thought of sitting still on her mind, because she fell back when she landed and felt something soft catch her. She had one startling moment to realize where she was and then she focused on Sirius, who was sitting across the room from her in a similar winged chair. He snapped the book on his lap shut and leaned forward, a slight grin in the corner of his mouth.

                ‘Well, that’s never happened before.’

                Georjaina sighed and ran a shaking hand through her hair. He was a little younger than yesterday but still shockingly different from eleven.

                ‘How did you get in here? You can’t Apparate into Hogwarts,’ he asked when she remained silent.

                ‘I don’t Apparate.’ There was a hint of annoyance in her voice; it probably had something to do with the haughty look on his face. ‘I don’t get to pick where I go, remember?’

                He narrowed his eyes at her as he slid his book onto the table. ‘Have you ever been in Gryffindor common room before?’

                ‘Just the once.’

                He gave her a strange look. ‘I didn’t think they let Slytherins in here.’

                Georjaina frowned at him, irritation building inside her chest. ‘What is your problem?’

                ‘I don’t like Slytherins,’ he replied with a casual shrug.

                ‘So you’re going to judge me on that?’

                ‘It’s not like I have much else to judge you on,’ he snapped and her frown turned into a scowl. ‘What?’ he asked after a few minutes when she didn’t say anything.

                ‘Nothing. I’m just glad I didn’t meet you like this first.’

                ‘Oh, now who’s judging,’ he grumbled, standing. ‘You don’t know anything about me.’

                ‘You’re right, I don’t!’ she replied, following suite. ‘I thought I did but….’ She hesitated, looking over at him wearily. ‘Just tell me how old you are so I can write this down.’

                ‘Are you going to write down how horrible I am as well?’

                Georjaina sighed, throwing her head back in exasperation. She closed her eyes for a moment to calm herself and when she looked down again he was still staring at her. She shook her head and then started to walk away, slowly making her way around the room to distract herself.

                There was a grandfather clock against one wall and it clanged loudly as she passed it by.

                ‘It’s not that late. Where are the other students?’ she asked, looking back at him again. He ducked his head in a characteristic way that she knew meant he didn’t want to tell her. ‘Sirius…’

                ‘It’s Christmas break,’ he replied, crossing his arms. ‘I didn’t want to go home.’

                Georjaina sighed, feeling the irritation finally ebb away. She looked back at the clock for a moment and then she approached him. He was standing with his back to the fire and she came to sit on the sofa between the two chairs they had each occupied. He stood for a moment watching her and then he came to take the seat beside her.

                ‘What about your friends?’ she asked quietly.

                ‘They all offered but it felt…strange. I didn’t want to be with someone else’s family,’ he said, not really looking at her.

                ‘So you chose to be alone?’

                He shook his head, finally looking into her face. ‘That’s not something I would ever choose. But it’s better than the alternative.’

                Suddenly he was that little boy she knew so well, the one that confided in her with barely a hesitation. She reached out and touched his hand, and he opened up his palm, intertwining his fingers with her own.

                ‘Why can’t you just stay?’ he asked quietly, looking down at their joined hands.

                ‘I wish…sometimes I truly wish I could,’ she replied, watching his face. ‘I know it’s frustrating for you, that I just pop in every so often, and if I could change it I would. I’m just trying to be here for you, Sirius.’

                He looked up at her again and for a long time his dark eyes seemed to be searching for something.

                ‘How old are you?’ His voice was barely above a whisper, though they were alone.

                She hesitated, that familiar warning sharp in her mind, but she shook it away, feeling as though she should show him that she trusted him. Perhaps just a little.

                ‘When I jumped I was twenty one.’

                ‘You don’t look that old,’ he said and she smiled a little.

                ‘Is that old?’ she chuckled and he shrugged. She rolled her eyes and bumped her shoulder playfully against his. ‘You’re not as tall as the last time I saw you so I’m going to guess….fourteen?’

                ‘On the nose.’

                ‘Ah. That explains the angsty teenager thing you’ve got going,’ she teased and he feigned offense, his hand to his chest and his mouth in a comical ‘o’. It made her laugh, which made him grin in return.

                ‘Are you hungry?’ he asked suddenly. ‘The house elves are even more compliant than usual when there’s no one else here.’ He could see her hesitating and he squeezed her hand. ‘This feels like a good visit, doesn’t it?’

                She sighed at the remembrance his words brought and she smiled, standing when he did. He kept her hand as he led her out of the common room and into the dim, chilly corridor. Georjaina felt her heart thumping hard in her chest as she looked around them with fondness, remembering what it felt like to walk these halls as a student, when you felt like you belonged here and, in turn, the castle belong to you as well.

                ‘Come on, I know a shortcut,’ he said as he pulled her behind a tapestry and down a flight of stairs.

                ‘What if we’re caught?’ she asked in a whisper.

                ‘There’s hardly anyone around. And do they really expect me to stay in the common room alone?’ he said as he brought her into another long corridor. ‘A man has got to eat, hasn’t he?’

                At this she laughed aloud, holding her hand to her mouth to stifle the sound as it echoed down the hall. And then they both stopped suddenly at the sound of footsteps. There was definitely someone just around the corner ahead of them and whoever it was had stopped at the sound of her laughter. It couldn’t be a teacher, she thought; they wouldn’t have stopped.

                Sirius released her as he edged forward, pulling his wand out of his pocket. Georjaina stayed put, watching helplessly and hoping beyond hope that they weren’t in trouble. Suddenly Sirius leapt forward; there was a muffled yell and a bang from someone’s wand, and she hurried forward to see what had happened. Sirius was standing in the corridor, huffing, his wand trained on another dark haired boy who was laying on the floor, his books scattered about him.

                ‘What are you doing out of bed, Snivellus?’ Sirius snapped. The other boy was staring up at him through a curtain of greasy hair but then suddenly his eyes were on Georjaina and she could see the understanding on his face. Sirius noticed and looked back at her as well.

                ‘What do we do?’ she asked quietly, trying to hide the rising panic from her voice. This boy was obviously not Sirius’ friend and looked like someone who was likely to snitch on them.

                Sirius thought for a moment, his mind racing, and then he came forward and grabbed the other boy by his collar, pulling him up. Georjaina noticed that he was still wearing his robes and that the color in the hood was a dark green. She watched the horrible look on his face as Sirius dragged him backward and he opened the door of the nearest classroom, shoving him inside.

                ‘Don’t you dare make a peep until I come back or I’ll make sure you go down with me for being out of bounds,’ he snapped before shutting the door again. He locked it with his wand and then cast another spell on it; she assumed it was something to stop people from hearing him if he yelled.

                ‘We should go back,’ she said as Sirius turned back toward her.

                ‘Even if he tells anyone you won’t be here by the time they look for you.’

                ‘But I still don’t want you to get in trouble.’

                That cocky grin was back on his face and he flipped his hair back in a way that slightly irritated her, as if it were practiced. ‘I’m used to it.’

                She shook her head as she watched his face and she noticed something flash in his eyes. For just a moment she was afraid it was someone else coming up behind them but then it happened again and she felt the sharp prickling of her left hand.

                ‘I’m sorry,’ she said with a sigh as he looked from her hands to her face again. There was a strange but not unfamiliar longing there. ‘This was really nice.’

                ‘I –‘ he began but then the corridor tilted backward and he was gone.

 

 

DAY 10

 

Georjaina had gone to bed easily the night before, it was so late when she returned home, but she awoke again at four and lay there staring at her ceiling for hours. His face kept flashing before her eyes but it was for a different reason this time; it wasn’t the beacon of hope she was used to or even the surprisingly handsome features of the sixteen year old that made her cheeks burn…it was the look on his face as he sneered down at the other boy. Sirius had had total control of that situation, his wand trained on the other boy’s chest, but there was such dislike and anger etched into the lines of his face that she felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach every time she thought of it.

                She repeatedly told herself that he came from a horrible home life and that he was easily defensive and scared, but in his moment of protecting her she felt as if she had glimpsed what he was like on a daily basis. He was haughty, arrogant, and most certainly mean if he didn’t like you. She frowned and covered her eyes with her hands, willing herself to think of something else. The fact that she wasn’t there enough to actually effect his behavior was infuriating.

                But he had been so nice when he was sixteen, she told herself. Granted they had been alone and he always seemed to be different when he was with her…the image of his haughty face when she first appeared last night made her grind her teeth together and she turned over onto her side before finally getting up and going to take a shower.

                She made herself a hot breakfast of oatmeal and toast, and sat with the window open again as she ate. She had scrubbed her face again, which seemed to help rid her mind of certain thoughts, at lease for a little bit. It made her feel alive and fresh.

                Around nine she finally sat down at the table with her journal and wrote out the events of the night before. But she managed to keep it simple, not going into detail about his behavior. _Are you going to write down how horrible I am as well?_ His words rang in her ears and she shut the journal once more, not wanting to feel that anger and irritation any more.

                As she went to stand from the table, sliding the journal into her pocket , she felt her hand prick and she hesitated before sitting back in the chair. It felt strange, like she wasn’t exactly prepared, but she also felt a little more relaxed, like she might not fall so hard if she’s this much closer to the ground. The floor tilted and she fell back into soft grass; it wasn’t exactly what she was expecting but her head wasn’t swimming so she decided she would definitely try it again. And then she looked up and, realizing where she was, she felt the pressure in her chest lighten considerably. She stood quickly, looking all around her, and her face broke into a smile at the sight of the young boy tromping through the tall grass toward her.

                It was a familiar scene as she rushed forward as well and he actually leapt up as they met in the middle, his arms going around her shoulders and her own around his back. She held him to her fiercely and he chuckled over her shoulder.

                ‘Miss me?’

                ‘Yes,’ she breathed, pressing her face into his small shoulder. ‘Incredibly so.’

                Eventually she let him go and he pressed down the grass around them so that they could sit comfortably. She was still grinning at him and he shook his head playfully, not used to seeing her this way.

                ‘What is it?’ he asked when she reached out and gently brushed his hair back from his eyes. ‘Has something happened?’

                ‘No…’ She sighed, thinking of what was safe to tell him. ‘Things just get…more complicated when you’re older.’

                ‘Oh.’ He ducked his head a little and she could tell that he was thinking hard. Eventually he reached over and took her hand. ‘I’m sorry.’

                ‘It’s alright,’ she replied, giving him a smile. ‘Just do me a favor and try to remember that I’m trying.’

                ‘I know you are.’ He smiled back at her and then they lay back in the grass, looking up at the blue sky, their hands still clasped.

                ‘How old are you?’

                ‘Eight.’

                She nodded as she tucked her other arm behind her head.

                ‘You won’t tell me about any of it, will you?’ he asked after a little bit and she looked over at him with a straight face.

                ‘No. I know it’s confusing but in a way it’s already happened. Knowing things can be dangerous.’

                ‘But you’ve been writing everything down, right?’ he said, rolling on his side to face her. ‘Will you ever let me look at it?’

                ‘Someday, perhaps, when it’s safe,’ she replied, squeezing his fingers. ‘How is your family?’ She wanted to get off the subject and it worked. He was still so free and open at this age that he just talked and talked, and she was more than happy to listen. She could tell by the way he paused once in a while that he was used to being interrupted but she only stopped him a few times to ask questions related to his stories. He was still annoyed by Regulus but she could tell he was starting to come around to the fact that he admired him as his older brother.

                ‘Do you remember when you were six and I pulled you out of the river?’ she asked and a strange look came over his face.

                ‘You saved my life,’ he said quietly and they stared at each other for a moment with understanding.

                She felt her chest tighten and her throat close. ‘Well, I…Regulus was there,’ she finally managed. ‘And I was wondering if he ever said anything about it.’

                ‘No. I tried to talk to him about it once but he said he hadn’t seen anyone,’ he replied and Georjaina’s stomach clenched. ‘He said he didn’t see you but he was so young.’

                ‘What about your mother?’

                ‘I…’ He stopped to think about it for a moment as if it had never occurred to him before. ‘She never said anything about it. I know she saw you.’

                ‘Yes.’ Her throat was still tight and she felt the pressure of stress returning to her chest. Suddenly she remembered that in less than a year he would be surly about that fact that Regulus said she was imaginary and that his parents had chastised him about her. But she couldn’t do anything about it now. Half of her wanted to get up and march down to the cottage to confront his mother but she knew that would never actually happen, that it never could. She couldn’t know that she was real for a least a year.

                She sighed and closed her eyes, aware of his small, warm hand still in her own. The sun was warm on her face and the grass was fairly comfortable beneath her. She felt the heaviness of sleep creeping up and she gave into it, allowing her mind to wander through hazy thoughts…

                Georjaina gasped awake and she looked up at a dark ceiling. Her arm was still stretched out to her side but his hand wasn’t there and the floorboards beneath her were hard. This had never happened before and it was incredibly disappointing; she hadn’t known she was leaving him and therefore didn’t get to say goodbye.

                She sat up slowly, her back stiff from being on the floor, even for a short time, but it wasn’t until she stood that she realized there wasn’t a pressure of something straining in her pocket. She checked all the pockets of her jeans but they were empty, and there was a mounting panic coursing through her as she hurried into the kitchen to find an empty table. Frantically she searched the rest of the house, all the while knowing that she had slid the journal into her pocket when she was done writing in it that morning…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this, thank you for sticking with me! I'm so much farther than this in the story but I'm slowly going back through and editing before I post.


	6. Chapter 6 - DAY 11& DAY 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading! If you're a writer who has ever been inspired by or found music that just sounds like your story feels, then you'll understand my need to thank Ed Sheeran. There are other artists as well but his music has had the biggest impact on this story.
> 
> Also, I know it was never actually in the books that Sirius was on the Gryffindor Quidditch team with James but it's been speculated about and I always assumed he would have been. It plays into the close friendship between James and himself as well.

DAY 11

 

She had dozed on the couch all night but was much too anxious to actually sleep. Around four she got up again and went to scrubbing every surface of the house that she could manage, just to keep her hands from shaking. She was terrified and angry all at once, and hoping beyond hope that he had listened to everything she had ever told him. But he had only been eight yesterday and they hadn’t spoken much about the future yet.

                When the sun came up she took to standing by the window, watching the sky light up and wringing her hands together. It felt as though constant motion might coax them into it and, though it had never worked before, she found she could do little else in that moment.

                She closed her eyes and held her breath, concentrating on it more than she ever had before, knowing that she couldn’t just sit around and wait for it to happen; not this time. She thought she felt something and her eyes shot open and she held up her hands in front of her face but there were no sparks there. She slammed her fist against the window frame in frustration and felt a prick of pain but she couldn’t be sure what it was from. She stared at her hands again with bated breath and she gasped in relief when the left one sparked.

                Georjaina took in a deep breath and held it, unable to concentrate much on landing properly. The floor tilted and she hit the ground hard, falling onto her side. She pressed her face into the grass, her eyes still closed as she tried to keep from retching. There was the sound of footsteps quickly approaching and she managed to open her eyes just enough to see a blurry figure looming over her.

                ‘Are you alright?’ she heard Sirius as he slid down into the grass beside her. She closed her eyes again, knowing that she was safe, and waited a full minute before attempting to sit up. His hands were on her as she did so, steadying her shoulders, and she could see the surprise on his face when he looked into hers and saw the anger there.

                ‘How old?’ she asked from between her teeth, fully aware of the fact that he was in Quidditch kit and there was a broomstick at his side.

                ‘Just thirteen.’

                Georjaina felt her fists clench and she waited a moment before speaking again, but her voice still came out harsh and strained. ‘I have seen you _three times_ since I lost the journal. Where is it?’

                Sirius sat back onto the grass, a guilty look on his face. ‘It’s in my trunk. Of course. I wouldn’t just leave that around.’

                ‘Why didn’t you give it back?’

                ‘Because I didn’t have it with me two of the times. And when you saw me at Wessex before I started school you weren’t there long enough…’ He spoke very quickly and she could see his cheeks were dark with emotion.

                ‘You could have told me,’ she replied, her voice low.

‘Why, so you could be mad about it for all these years?’ The look on his face was paining her and she closed her eyes, scrubbing her cheeks with her hands, attempting to calm herself. He waited quietly, half watching her as took the time to breath, and when she looked up again his eyes were round and dark. ‘Do you have it here?’ she asked with forced calm.

                He nodded. ‘It’s still in my trunk. Do you want to come inside?’

                ‘I’ll be seen.’

                ‘It’s Christmas break,’ he replied as he moved to stand. ‘It’s so warm out I thought I could take advantage of the empty pitch.’

                She stood as well, for the first time realizing that the dim grounds around them were in fact empty and the breeze brushing by was chilly but not exactly cold.

                ‘I’ve made the team,’ he said conversationally as they began to walk toward the castle. Georjaina walked beside him with her arms folded and her face straight. ‘I’m a chaser. So is my best mate.’

                She sighed and looked over at him. He took the hint and stopped talking, hurrying ahead as they approached the front doors. He stuck his head inside to make sure no one was around before reaching back and pulling her inside, grateful that she let him take her hand. He held it tightly so that she wouldn’t pull away as he led them up a few flights and behind a tapestry to the secret passage she remembered they had taken when he was fourteen.

                She made a sound that vaguely resembled a laugh and he looked over at her sharply.

                ‘What is it?’ he asked and she could hear the hesitation in his voice. She shook her head and gave him the smallest smile.

                ‘Nothing. Things are just funny sometimes,’ she replied and he frowned, confused. _When he was fourteen_ …she had had to remind herself that this was the passage they _would_ take when he was fourteen, next year. But also two days ago. She usually tried not to think about the paradox of it all. She looked over at him again and suddenly it occurred to her that he couldn’t have given her the journal the last three times he had seen her because she hadn’t lost it yet. All of the those times she visited him she had the journal with her, while at the same time he had another version of it, one that had further knowledge she shouldn’t have access to…

                ‘I’m sorry,’ she sighed, shaking her head and he stopped walking. ‘I’m sorry I was so angry, I was just so scared…you didn’t…you didn’t look at it, did you?’ She was staring at him openly and was glad to see he didn’t shy away from it.

                ‘I was tempted, many times,’ he replied quietly. ‘But I was sort of afraid of what I would see. That day you left it you seemed so relieved that I was young and I thought…what if I was horrible?’

                She flinched inwardly at the fact that he used that as his self-descriptive word again. He was watching her face, as if he knew what she was thinking, and she squeezed his fingers warmly.

                ‘Come on. I don’t like the idea of being found out,’ she said quietly and he nodded, pulling her down the next corridor and up another flight of stairs. The portrait of the Fat Lady that guarded the entrance to Gryffindor Tower regarded her with scrutiny but didn’t comment as she swung open to let them inside. Sirius left her in the common room while he ran up to his dorm and she sat in the familiar chair that she had last occupied in this room. The fire was crackling happily and the warmth was comforting as she sat and breathed for the first time that day. She had never been angry with him before and today was the angriest she had been in a very long time…but she knew it wasn’t just that. She had also been terrified, because his life, his future, was so important to her and she still didn’t know why.

                She heard his footsteps on the stairs and she stood again, turning toward him. He had stopped at the bottom and he stood awkwardly holding the journal at chest level, looking from it to her face. Georjaina sighed in relief and came toward him quickly but, instead of taking the journal, she threw her arms around him and held him tightly. Sirius was startled for just a few moments and then he snaked his arms around her waist and embraced her as well. They stood for a very long time like that and when he felt her pulling away he pushed the journal into her hands.

                ‘You should definitely take this,’ he said quietly, a small smile in the corner of his mouth. ‘My resolve might not last forever.’

                She smiled back at him, holding the journal to her chest possessively. ‘Come sit with me.’

                He nodded and followed her to the couch in front of the fire. They sat beside each other, Georjaina pulling her legs up beneath her and leaning into his side. She knew he was still young but just on the verge of possibly feeling awkward about this, but she was happy when he put his arm around her and leaned his shoulder into hers.

                ‘What happened that day when you were eight?’ she asked after a little while. ‘I fell asleep and must have jumped soon after.’

                ‘I was almost asleep as well,’ he said. ‘But I felt your hand…do what it does. It sort of hurt and I pulled back. I thought of waking you up but you were gone so quickly. And then I saw the journal lying in the grass. I didn’t even think of opening it then, I just kept it safe. It never even occurred to me to look inside until when I was nine and you said we were meeting in a different order.’

                She nodded but didn’t reply. She still held the journal tightly in her other hand and she sighed when she felt her skin prick against the leather.

                ‘I have to go.’ She sat up a little so that she could see his face.  Every time she saw him younger now she always felt like it might be the last time and she wanted to hold onto the young, careless features that she still saw there.

                ‘If it happens again I promise I’ll tell you,’ he said and she nodded, knowing that it wasn’t that simple.

                Her other hand began to spark and she stood, taking a step back from him. He smiled up at her from the couch and then she felt the floor tip and she landed in her dark living room. She had left the window open a crack and a cool breeze blew in over her face. It felt nice enough that she lay on the floor for a little bit, feeling the stress of the day ebb away.

 

 

DAY 12

 

She went through the journal several times that morning, remembering each day and what it had meant to her. It had been a whirlwind of emotions and she wondered if she would still have felt this way if she saw him as he saw her, months apart. She closed her eyes, recalling his face, and the tightness in her chest told her that she would have.

                She was still coming down from yesterday, from all the stress and anger, and she felt relatively calm as she went about her day. There wasn’t any anxiety to jump, which was somehow a relief. It happened in the late afternoon, just as she was returning home from a walk in the park. The air was getting warmer and for a moment she had thought of grabbing her grey jumper before remembering that it was still with him. She was still thinking about it when her hands sparked and his warm, kind face followed her when the floor tilted.

                Georjaina landed again in a dark room. There was just enough moonlight reflecting off the snow outside the windows to see that it was a kitchen she had never been in before. Something creaked behind her and she turned sharply; Sirius was standing with his hand leaning on the wooden counter top.

                ‘Is this Wessex?’ she asked quietly and he nodded. She looked around the room again. ‘Are you alone?’

                He was staring at her, his jaw working and his fingers pressing hard against the counter. ‘No one is here. And I’m seventeen.’

                Georjaina stared back at him. She had never heard such emotion in his voice and the fact that he was crying made her stomach clench. Her mind raced as she tried to understand the situation; she had never been inside his family’s cottage before but was sure this must be it. She had never been here in winter before either and it occurred to her that it must be Christmas break again. She looked back up into his face, watching his glistening eyes as he watched her, and when he came forward she felt a delayed sense of panic. His hands were on her back and her neck before she had time to react, and he pressed her back roughly against the wall, a few pots falling from a shelf beside her and clattering loudly across the floor. She gasped as he squeezed her tightly and she could feel him shaking as he held onto her.

                After a little while he pulled back to look at her and as she opened her mouth to say something he leaned down and kissed her hard. The array of emotions that flashed across her mind were confusing and sharp, but she managed to push them aside, instead concentrating on what it felt like to be in his arms like this. There was tenderness and longing in his kiss, and she found she had never tasted anything before that she had wanted so much as him. His hands were rough but loving on her skin, and he held her to him with a possessive ferocity she had never known before. After a few moments he pulled away enough to look her in the face again, his chest heaving against her own, a question in his eyes.

                ‘It’s alright,’ she breathed, nodding, knowing that he wanted permission to continue. But he still hesitated and she reached up, pulling his face to hers again. He readjusted his grip on her as he kissed her and she felt him lift her off the floor, and he carried her into the next room.

 

 

‘I stayed with the Potter’s all last summer,’ Sirius said. Georjaina was lying on the sofa in the den and he was still half on top of her, a blanket wrapped over them both. As he spoke he had his head resting on the front of her shoulder and she was carding her fingers gently through his hair. ‘I don’t know if you know that yet.’

                ‘I didn’t. When I saw you last Christmas break you mentioned them but I didn’t know how serious you were.’

                ‘I fought with my mother all last semester and I only lasted a day at home before I left,’ he explained. ‘She would have kicked me out anyhow.’

                ‘Then…why are you here?’ she asked. She had been looking absently around the ornate room. Even in the dark she was impressed by the architecture and design here. ‘I thought your family only came here in the summer.’

                ‘They do. _That’s_ why I’m here now.’ He pushed himself up on his elbow so that he could look at her. ‘I knew they wouldn’t be here.’

                ‘Didn’t you want to spend Christmas with the Potters?’

                She saw the hesitation in his face, a dark cloud passing over his eyes. ‘They’ve already done enough, letting me stay. I don’t want to take advantage.’

                ‘They sound like good people,’ she said, reaching out to touch his cheek. ‘When is Christmas?’

                ‘In two days.’

                ‘You’ve got some time to decide, then, but I don’t think you should spend Christmas alone.’

                He gave her a tight smile and she used her touch on his cheek to pull him into a slow kiss. He began to melt into her, his hands coming out to hold her face, and she pulled away with a smile.

                ‘I should get dressed,’ she said as she attempted to slide out from beneath him. ‘Just in case.’

                ‘Why? We won’t be caught,’ he replied, sitting up.

                ‘Remember that time I appeared in my pajamas?’

                He chuckled as he watched her stand and grab her clothes from the floor. She rolled her eyes when she noticed him staring and then she pulled her pants on quickly. As she was turning her shirt the right side out before putting it on he stood and approached her, his hands coming up to touch her bare waist.

                ‘I know I’ve asked it before but just…stay. Please.’

                She looked up at him with understanding eyes, a tight smile on her lips. ‘You know I can’t…’

                He sighed and leaned down to kiss her gently.

                ‘This was…unexpected and wonderful and the best thing ever,’ she said and he chuckled appreciatively, running a hand into her hair. ‘I need a drink, I think.’

                ‘Of course!’ he replied with a wicked grin and she shook her head at him but she was smiling.

                ‘Of water, I mean.’ She followed him into the kitchen but as she passed over the threshold her heart sank. ‘Sirius…’

                He turned to her with a deep frown and then he rushed forward and kissed her quickly. ‘Come back to me,’ he whispered as he pulled away.

                She nodded as she took a few steps back...

                She didn’t even feel the floor tilt this time and she landed in her living room still standing. She let out a sigh she hadn’t realized she was holding and then an unwilling grin blossomed onto her face. She felt like laughing and crying all at once, and she sat on the couch, pulling a pillow onto her lap and hugging it to herself as she replayed all the wonderful details of their time together in her mind.

 


	7. Chapter 7 - DAY 13 & DAY 14

DAY 13

 

Georjaina had fallen asleep on the couch the night before, she had been so immersed in her resplendent memories, and she awoke again hours before the sunlight was visible in the window above her head. She admittedly felt a little punch drunk as she sat up and then the floor tilted and she fell forward with a gasp…

                She landed in grass but it wasn’t the long, yellow stuff she was used to in Wessex. It couldn’t be Hogwarts either, at least not the manicured lawn around it, because there were leaves and sticks beneath her, and one of the twigs was gabbing into her right hand. She felt a little lightheaded but no nausea so she sat up quickly, looking around. She appeared to be in a heavily wooded area and there wasn’t a building in site.

                Georjaina sighed as she stood up, fighting the panic she felt rising in her chest. There was a cool night time breeze brushing past the trees and she folded her arms across her chest as she began to walk, not sure why she chose the direction she did. After just a little while there appeared to be a clearing up ahead and upon closer inspection she found it was a field but there was nothing but more trees on the other side of it. She sighed again as she turned and headed back the way she had come.

                The sound of crunching footsteps somewhere in front of her made her stop and she waited until she could make out the person walking amongst the trees. They seemed to be aware of her as well because they were coming her way, and then a break in the branches above let in enough moonlight for her to see it was Sirius.

                A Sirius that looked exactly as she had just left him.

                She breathed out in relief and hurried forward. ‘Where are we?’ she asked as she came into his arms.

                ‘Behind James’ house,’ he replied and she noticed he sounded a little off. But his hands were on her once more and the feeling of being in his arms again was such a comfort that she brashly came around and kissed him hard on the mouth.

                He very clearly hesitated and she pulled away.

                Sirius was staring at her, his eyebrows raised, and she unconsciously brought a hand up to her own lips as she looked back at him.

                ‘How old-‘

                ‘Sixteen,’ he spoke over her and she groaned, turning away from him.

                ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I thought…’ But she stopped herself, shaking her head.

                ‘Are you saying that we kiss more later on?’ he asked and when she looked back at him that mischievous grin was on his face again.

                ‘ _Dammit, Sirius_!’ she hissed, angered by his nonchalance.

                ‘Well...?’ He was still watching her, waiting.

                ‘I can’t talk to you about those things, you know that.’

                ‘Why not?’

                ‘Because it’s your future. And knowing that can be dangerous.’ She had taken several more steps back from him.

                ‘But you know your future.’

                Her head snapped up at this and she frowned at him. ‘No, I don’t.’

                ‘Oh please. You think I haven’t been paying attention all this time?’ he replied, sounding exasperated. ‘I know we meet in a different order, you told me that. The first time you met me it was my eighth time meeting you, so you knew you would meet me again from that point on.’

                ‘That’s not the same,’ she said, shaking her head.

                ‘Why not?’

                ‘Because it’s your future over mine.’

                ‘And?’ he scoffed.

                ‘And yours is more important,’ she replied and he threw his head back, growling between his teeth.

                ‘That is such bull shit! You’re just twisting your words around again to make me feel like I know what’s going on when really I have no idea.’

                ‘ _Neither do I_!’ she snapped and he could hear the angry tears in her voice. ‘I never have! You know that I have no control over when or where I go. The only thing I know for certain when I jump is that I’m going to see you.’

                He was looking at her with his arms folded and his head ducked. ‘And what if you don’t?’ he asked, much more quietly.

                Georjaina sighed and wiped roughly at her cheeks. ‘My greatest fear used to be that I would jump somewhere I didn’t know and be stuck there forever. But that’s not it anymore.’

                They stared at each other for a long time in silence, her meaning plain. She thought she saw his face soften slightly but then he was shaking his head and looking away from her.

                ‘No. I’m sorry but…it feels like you’re following me, like _you’ve been_ following me my entire life! And you’re not _telling me why_!’

                ‘I don’t know why,’ she replied, sounding defeated, unable to rise to him again. ‘I don’t.’ She covered her face for a moment with her hand as she thought, and she felt it prick against her forehead. As she brought her hand away she saw that he was still watching her, a sneer on his face.

                ‘Let me guess…you have to go,’ he said in a sarcastic voice.

                ‘You know I have no control over it.’

                ‘Yes you do,’ he said and she felt her face fall. ‘Go on. Go ahead and run from this.’

                She shook her head and turned her face away so that he wouldn’t see as she started to cry in earnest.  She felt the forest floor tilt back and she gave into it gratefully.

                She appeared in her living room once again, on the floor in front of the couch where she would have fallen if she hadn’t jumped. She was seething and crying hard, her face red and wet. She curled up in a ball and stayed there for a very long time.

                Everything that he had said had been a doubt in her own mind at some point over the last two weeks. But how could he think she was keeping anything from him when she didn’t understand it herself? She tried desperately to think of how he had been the night before but then she remembered when she landed there that he had been crying…what if last night was just a onetime thing? What if he had used her to expel emotions he didn’t want to feel any more?

                Something must have happened between the Sirius she had just fought and the one she had made love to, just months later. She couldn’t help but notice that the older he got, the more frequent she seemed to meet him in his time line. Was there another fight somewhere there she had to look forward to?

                Eventually she got herself up and went to the bathroom to scrub her face with hot water. And then she forced herself to go about her day like normal and not dwell on what she knew she could not control.

 

 

DAY 14

 

Georjaina slept in for the first time in a very long time. She didn’t dream of him; she didn’t dream of anything really, and she didn’t feel that soft excitableness in her stomach that she had become acquainted with every day recently. She was sure she would jump eventually and that she would have to deal with whatever happened then but, until then, she decided that her time was her own.

                She took her time getting ready and spent a long time soaking in the shower. She ate a small breakfast and then went out. It was an expectantly warm day and she walked for a long time, enjoying the sun on her face. In the park she felt her right hand begin to prick and she took her time finding a safe spot amongst the bushes.

                She didn’t know what to expect but somehow wasn’t surprised when she appeared in the Wessex Cottage kitchen again. She was standing by the sink and looking out at the sunrise when she heard footsteps behind her and he came into the room. Sirius grinned blearily at her, obviously having just woken up, and he tousled his hair with one hand as he came toward her. Again he looked the same but that only made her nervous, and when he reached out to touch her she resisted.

                ‘What’s the matter?’ he asked quietly, looking down at her with concern. She thought for a moment as she searched his face for an answer.

                ‘Do you remember when we fought in the woods?’ she asked and his face fell.

                ‘I’ve been waiting to apologize for that,’ he said with a sigh, rubbing the side of her arm affectionately. ‘But I didn’t know if it had happened to you yet.’

                ‘That was my yesterday,’ she said as explanation and he pulled her to his chest, pressing his face into her hair.

                ‘I’m sorry.’ He stood for a little bit, rubbing her back and placing small kisses on her temple. ‘My yesterday was infinitely better.’

                Georjaina pulled back enough to look up into his face. ‘Wait, is this…is this the day after we..?’

                He grinned down at her, his eyes alight.

                ‘That’s it, then,’ she said. ‘That’s the sign I’ve been waiting for. We’ve never met two days in a row before.’

                ‘Why were you waiting for a sign?’

                ‘Because I’ve been thinking that you should look through this,’ she replied, pulling the journal out of her back pocket. ‘There’s nothing from your future in here so it’s safe. I thought maybe you would find a pattern that I’ve missed. And I want you to tell me if there’s any days missing – Don’t tell me what they are, just that I’m missing them.’

                He seemed hesitant as he slowly took the book out of her hand and then he nodded. He took her hand with his other and led her into the den. She sat on the sofa as she watched him open the first page, his eyes taking in the information slowly. Nothing seemed to surprise him as he turned to the next page but then he stopped and he flipped through a few more quickly.

                ‘Why are they labeled like this? Day Three, Day Four?’ he asked, looking down at her and then back at the book again. ‘You’ve written down my dates but not your own.’

                She could feel her cheeks burning a little as he stared at her, waiting for an answer.

                ‘I don’t date them,’ she started quietly, gripping her hands in her lap. ‘Because, for me, they’re consecutive.’

                 Sirius stared at her openly. ‘What?’

                She couldn’t think of anything to say as she watched him flip through the book quickly until he seemed to come to the end of her writing.

                ‘There are _twelve_ days in here,’ he said, sounding a little frantic. ‘Is this the thirteenth day in a row you’ve met me?’

                ‘The fourteenth. I haven’t been able to write down yesterday yet.’

                His cheeks were red and his eyes wide with surprise as he came and sat beside her heavily. He held the closed journal on his lap and he tapped it a few times with his finger. ‘This is…this is _twelve years_ of my life…and only two weeks of yours.’

                She reached out to touch his hand as he looked over at her sharply. ‘Haven’t you noticed I haven’t changed?’

                ‘Yes! And…no.’ He shook his head. ‘You were an adult! Even to a fourteen year old, twenty one is…’

                ‘Old. Yes, I remember,’ she replied with the smallest chuckle. But then her smile faded at the look on his face.

                ‘What I meant is that, to a child, all adults look the same. How was I supposed to know you weren’t aging?’

                She sighed and pulled her hand back into her own lap, watching as he leaned back on the sofa and closed his eyes for a minute.

                ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

                ‘Because I didn’t want to upset you.’

                He made a sound that she thought was a laugh and he sat up again, the smallest smile on his face. ‘’When I was thirteen and you came for the journal, I said I hadn’t told you because I didn’t want you to be upset at me for years,’ he said, laughing dryly. ‘It wasn’t years, was it? Just days?’

                ‘A day,’ she replied and he covered his face with his hand as he laughed again.

                ‘This is insane! Is this normal?’

                ‘No. I normally jump every few months, sometimes just twice a year, and I never see the same person.’

                ‘So you hadn’t met me before last week?’ he asked and she shook her head. Sirius sighed and leaned his head back again. After a moment he reached over and took her hand. ‘This has been one hell of a week for you, hasn’t it?’

                She couldn’t help the smile that blossomed on her lips and he turned his head on the back of the couch to grin over at her.

                ‘You’re absolutely in love with me because of it, aren’t you?’ he asked with a chuckle and her cheeks burned again.

                ‘Just read the journal, won’t you?’ she replied, grabbing it from his hand and pressing it into his chest.

                He was still laughing and shaking his head as he opened it once more, and he slowly went from page to page. She watched him again, wondering what he was reading as he smiled every once in a while. Toward the end he appeared a little distressed and then he closed the book and looked up at her again.

                ‘You’ve only met me once when I was fourteen?’ he asked, sounding worried.

                ‘Yes. That time in Gryffindor Tower, when we were caught by another student.’

                He was quiet for a moment and she watched his face carefully.

                ‘I know you said not to tell you but-‘

                ‘ _Don’t tell me anything_!’ she cut him off, squeezing his hand with both of hers and leaning toward him.

                ‘But it’s _really_ important.’

                ‘It’s already happened,’ she replied, shaking her head. ‘Whatever I said or did for you, it’s already happened in your timeline. If you try to tell me about it and I mess it up, even a little bit, I don’t know what would happen.’

                He sighed and still looked determined but she could see he was dropping it.

                ‘Alright. So you’re sure you haven’t visited me before these two weeks?’

                ‘Not that I’m aware of…’ she replied, sounding hesitant.

                ‘Have you ever jumped to a place that you frequent with me?’

                ‘I jumped to Diagon twice this year. Well, Knockturn…but I made my way to the main Alley.’ She noticed he was staring at her and she squeezed his hand.

                ‘I think one of those times was this last August,’ he said after a moment. ‘I was there with James shopping for school.’

                ‘Perhaps,’ she replied with a shrug. ‘Both times there were a lot of students around.’ She gave him a small smile as she thought about it. How strange that she didn’t know him at that point but he knew her very well. Sort of like the first time she actually met him, when he was eleven…

                ‘Why didn’t you approach me?’ she asked, her voice suddenly hard.

                Sirius’ cheeks were dark with emotion. ‘I was still _so angry_ from our fight,’ he explained quietly. ‘I had convinced myself that you were hiding things from me and that you were trying to control my life somehow. When I saw you coming up the street I thought about hiding. But then you saw me.’ He looked up into her face and there were tears glistening in his eyes. ‘You looked right at me and there was no recognition there.’

                Georjaina felt her stomach clench as she imagined what that must have been like.

                ‘It hurt, a lot,’ he said, as if he knew what she was thinking. ‘And then you looked at James the same way, and then you were gone.’ He stopped for a moment to wipe at his face because he was crying now, outright. ‘I was being stupid. We only get so many days together and I had wasted one, all because I was angry. And I thought…what if whatever or whoever is controlling all this, what if they saw what I had done and decided that I wasn’t worth it anymore?’

                She felt her own eyes burn but she couldn’t allow herself to cry, not when he needed her to comfort him. She slid closer to him, his hand still held between her own in her lap.

                ‘Yesterday when you came here I was upset about everything going on with my family but it wasn’t just that. It felt like I was cutting ties with everyone from my past and I was terrified that meant you as well. I thought you might not ever come back.’

                She nodded her understanding but she wasn’t able to reply. Instead she placed her free hand on his neck and pulled him into an embrace. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap, burying his face into her shoulder and her hair. She held him for a long time until her right hand began to itch, and then suddenly it sparked.

                ‘I’ll be back soon.’ She sounded confident in her promise as she slid off his lap and took several steps back. He looked hopelessly up at her, his face still red and wet, but he nodded.

                ‘Don’t give up on me,’ he replied, his voice thick.

                ‘I promise-‘ The floor tilted back and she was gone.


	8. Chapter 8 - DAY 15 & DAY 16

DAY 15

 

First thing in the morning she wrote down everything from the two days before, going into more detail than usual on both. She hated thinking about the fight but she knew it was important. As a last minute thought she added in a second date under DAY 14; she wasn’t sure exactly when she had jumped to the day he saw her at Diagon but thought it needed to be recorded. When she was done she slid the journal into her pocket, a habit she had forced herself into, and she went to the stove to get hot water for her tea. Hurrying the kettle along with her wand she grabbed a mug from the shelf above the sink but the sudden whistling from the kettle startled her and she dropped it. She felt as if it took forever for the mug to fall and she watched helplessly as it smashed against the tiles. Sighing, she leaned forward to grab what she could and the floor shoved up from underneath her…

                She landed again on hard wood, her stomach flipping, and she coughed genially to stop from retching. After a few moments she looked around and she realized she was on the bridge in the woods in Wessex. She sat up slowly, half hoping that she would see a young dark haired boy somewhere around when it suddenly became very apparent that someone was standing on the railing across the way from her.

                She stood quickly, meaning to approach him, but then she stopped short. ‘What are you doing?’ she asked, the hairs on her arms standing on end.

                Sirius was standing on the railing, facing out toward the water, and in his arms he was cradling a small boulder. He was breathing quickly and crying all at once, his face red and angry.

                ‘Sirius,’ she said quietly. ‘Talk to me, please.’

                ‘Don’t!’ he cried as she took a step closer and he edged away, faltering and having to regain his balance once more. Georjaina covered her mouth with her hands as she watched him. ‘This is so fucked up, all of this!’

                ‘What is? Please tell me what’s going on,’ she said, trying to remain calm.

                ‘My parents. They haven’t forgiven me for getting into Gryffindor.’ His voice was thick with emotion. ‘My mother can’t even stand the site of me. She’s banished me here until September.’

                She thought for a moment and then she nodded. ‘Okay, I understand. I know you haven’t been on good terms with them in a while.’

                ‘ _Good terms_?’ he snapped, finally looking over at her. ‘They _hate_ me. I am nothing but a disappointment and a disgrace to them. My father hadn’t spoken to me in a year!’

                She was blinking back tears but she refused to show them as she looked up at him.

                ‘Do you have someone else you can stay with? Some other relative?’ she asked after a few moments but he was shaking his head.

                ‘They won’t take me. Once you disgrace your parents you’re unwanted by the entire family.’

                Georjaina bowed her head for a moment, thinking. She couldn’t imagine what that felt like and she wasn’t sure what to say to comfort him.

                ‘That’s horrible and I’m very sorry you’re going through that,’ she said. ‘But Sirius, what are you doing up there?’

                He looked away from her again, back out toward the water. ‘I almost died that day when I was six. I _should have_ died. It’s complete chance that you were here to save me.’ He was quiet for a minute and all she could do was watch. And then he shrugged. ‘So I figured, why not come back to the place where I should have died and finish it?’

                She let out a soft whimper that she stifled with her hands and he almost looked over at her again but he stopped himself.

                ‘If you go in that water I’m coming in after you again,’ she said, her voice tight.

                ‘Are you going to pry this rock out of my fingers?’ he asked through his teeth.

                ‘Whatever I have to do I will do.’

                Sirius shook his head. ‘I’ll just wait until you’re gone. It won’t be that long.’

                She took a few steps back and then paced across the bridge, crossing her arms and holding herself tightly as she thought. This is what he had meant yesterday. This was the important day; he certainly looked like he had the first time she had jumped into the castle. There were so many obvious things she could tell him but she was terrified what the consequences might be if she said too much.

                ‘You’re not going to do this,’ she said finally as she paced back toward him. ‘I know you don’t. I can’t tell you how but I just know it.’

                He looked over at her again. ‘Why, because you’ve seen me in the future?’

                ‘Yes,’ she breathed. ‘I know it’s horrible now but I promise it’s going to get better.’

                ‘How is the fact that my parents do not love me going to get better?’ he snapped, his face hard.

                She nodded in understanding. ‘That won’t. But that’s not everything. There are other things in your life that make it worth it.’

                ‘Like what? I have three friends and do you think they’re a substitute for my family?’

                ‘Yes, they are! You might not feel like it right now but you’re going to come to realize that it’s more important to surround yourself with the people you choose, not just the family you’re born into.’

                He was quiet for a moment, looking out at the water but not with the same determination on his face.

                ‘And you have me, Sirius,’ she added quietly. ‘I love you. I need you in my life as well.’

                She could see that he was shaking as he began to cry again and he adjusted his grip on the stone.

                ‘But you’re not here all the time.’

                ‘I know. And I’m very, very sorry for that. But it’s not always going to be like that,’ she said and he looked at her again. It wasn’t exactly the truth, but more of a wish that she was making for the both of them. ‘Please just come down from there.’

                He looked into her face for a long moment and then he let the stone slip from his hands. It crashed into the water, making her flinch, but she didn’t take her eyes off him as he bent down on the railing. Her hand suddenly sparked and she hissed in a breath, rushing forward and wrapping her arms around him to pull him down. He cried out in pain as her hand sparked again against his side and then the bridge tilted, and she didn’t realize she was still holding onto him until she slammed back into the ground and he rolled off of her. Her head was swimming but she managed to sit up and look around. They had landed in the field outside the woods.

                Sirius was on all fours, retching, and then he looked over at her when he heard her gasp in pain. Her hand was sparking again and she had just enough time to look into his face before she tilted back again and she landed on the familiar rug in her living room.

                Gasping for breath she managed to sit up and lean her back against the couch. She held her head in her hands as she waited for the nausea to pass, her fingers shaking against her face and hair. She was sure he had jumped along with her but they hadn’t gone far. No time must have passed from when they were on the bridge until they landed in the field. And one thing had been made achingly clear; he wasn’t allowed to jump to her time.              

 

 

DAY 16

               

She slept in again, this time until past noon. The emotional rollercoaster this week had been was finally taking a physical toll and she lay on the couch, even when she wasn’t asleep, bundled up beneath a heap of blankets. She knew she looked a mess and would probably regret it if she jumped like this but she couldn’t bring herself to care enough to do anything about it.

                In the afternoon she got herself up to make a pot of tea and some toast, worried that she would lose strength if she didn’t. There was a stack of books on her end table that she had been meaning to go through; they were all from the library at the Ministry and contained recorded information about the various Pure Blood families. She wanted to research Sirius and his closest relatives but was also afraid of what she might find.

                She wandered around her house for a while, avoiding the end table and doing a bit of cleaning. She didn’t feel the need to copy anything down yet in the journal; yesterday was too much to go through again so soon. Eventually she found herself outside sitting on the steps to her front door and breathing in the fresh air, hoping to clear her head. She almost felt sick and had wrapped a scarf around her neck before she went out, despite the warming weather. She had a mug of tea with her and as she went to set it down she felt her hand itch. It sparked as she brought it up to her face to inspect and she closed her eyes, feeling herself relax.

                She landed still seated on a wooden bench. The room around her was unfamiliar; it was dimly lit and almost completely paneled in wood. Behind her the wall was lined with separated, shallow stalls as tall as she was. She could hear the sound of running water somewhere nearby and then, with a squeak, it was gone.

                Georjaina thought about standing when she heard footsteps but then stopped herself, attempting to remain relaxed.  If that wasn’t Sirius approaching her now it didn’t really matter if she was sitting down or not. But it was him. His hair was dripping wet and there was a towel wrapped around his middle. He stopped abruptly when he saw her and then a grin blossomed on his face. She stared back at him, unable to smile herself, and slowly his face fell.

                ‘Do you know how many times I’ve left you not knowing if you would be okay once I was gone?’ she asked, her voice quiet and calm.

                ‘You’ve visited me again when I was fourteen, I take it?’ he replied and she nodded minimally. He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he paced a few steps. ‘Look, I was desperate and so alone and…and _terrified_ that I would feel like that for the rest of my life.’

                ‘You don’t have to explain,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘When I said I understood I meant it.’

                He gave her a strange look, one she thought was full of guilt and relief all at once.

                ‘It’s just that for a moment there I thought you might chance time,’ she continued and he came closer to her. ‘And I didn’t know what that meant for me. Would I still remember everything, even though you were gone? Or would the memories leave with you?’

                Sirius shook his head, unable to answer. He stepped forward until he was standing over her and she looked up at him as he placed his hands on either side of her face. His thumbs rubbed her cheeks softly as she closed her eyes, excepting him to lean down and kiss her.

                ‘Padfoot, have you drowned yourself in the showers or what?’ The voice preceded the boy and Georjaina stood up as he came into the room. Sirius had turned his back on her and she wondered if it were for protection or to simply hide her from view. Either way it didn’t matter; the boy held a piece of his Quidditch kit in his hands and he was scrubbing it with a rag as he walked. But as soon as he looked up he stopped short, staring at them.

                ‘Who’s this then?’ he asked, half grinning. He was tall, dark haired, and the eyes behind his rectangular glasses were bright. Sirius was staring at him, looking surprised, but he didn’t respond, and the other boy’s face changed. ‘Hang on…are you the imaginary friend?’

                Georjaina was watching him from around Sirius’ arm, her own arms folded protectively, and she nodded her head. ‘Yes.’

                ‘But you’re not imaginary.’

                She shrugged. ‘Apparently not.’

                He smiled again and moved toward them a few steps. ‘How did you get in here?’

                ‘No questions,’ Sirius suddenly spoke up, his tone hard.

                ‘Right.’ He nodded, looking between them again. ‘Are you two alright?’

                ‘We’re fine, mate,’ Sirius replied with a sigh. ‘But…do you mind? We were…’

                ‘Right, Gotcha,’ the other boy said, grinning and winking at him. Sirius didn’t respond to him and he turned back to Georjaina once he was gone.

                ‘Who was that?’ she asked hesitantly.

                ‘James,’ he replied, running a nervous hand through his hair. ‘Potter.’

                ‘Oh.’ She smiled a little up at him. ‘Are you alright?’

                ‘He could see you.’

                Her smiled grew. ‘Were you beginning to think I actually was imaginary?’

                ‘Sort of, yeah!’ He half laughed. ‘I thought my mother and Regulus saw you too but then they just…forgot.’

                ‘There was that other boy, too,’ she reminded him. ‘When you were fourteen. We ran into him on the way to the kitchen.’

                ‘Oh, yeah. _Snape_.’ He said it as if it were a curse and she frowned a little.

                ‘Well, he definitely saw me. Has he never mentioned it?’

                ‘We don’t exactly talk…’

                She noticed that he was suddenly avoiding her eyes and she decided it was best to get off the subject. ‘How old are you, then? Still seventeen?’

                ‘Eighteen, just.’

                ‘When was your birthday?’

                ‘Two days ago.’ He was grinning as if this were an accomplishment and she was smiling back at him in a curios way.

                ‘That means it’s my birthday, then. At least here it is,’ she said and his face fell.

                ‘What? Your birthday is on November 5th?’ he asked and she nodded. ‘I’m not sure if that’s ominous or not…’

                They both chuckled happily. His hands had found their way to her arms and then he reached up to touch her face again. She held his wrists with both her hands as she closed her eyes and reveled in the feel of his fingers on her skin.

                ‘Has it been a long time since you saw me?’ she asked quietly and when he hesitated she opened her eyes again.

                ‘No,’ he replied after a moment and she nodded in understanding. She could see he was guarding something and for once she felt confident that he understood the necessity to hold back from each other at times. With one of her hands she reached down and she slid it around his bare waist, pulling him closer to her. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her gently.

                There were sudden, hurried footsteps behind them, and James came back into the room.

                ‘Prongs, really?’ Sirius asked, sounding exasperated once he realized it was him.

                ‘Sorry!’ James replied, half holding his hand up to shield his eyes. ‘Just thought you would want to know that your girlfriend is on her way down here.’

                Georjaina looked over at Sirius, her eyebrows raised in surprise, and he wouldn’t meet her gaze again. More footsteps sounded and a very pretty girl with long blonde hair came in behind James. She took one look at the obvious situation before her and she scowled.

                ‘I think you mean _ex-girlfriend_ ,’ she snapped in a high voice.

                ‘Laura…I can explain.’ Sirius was struggling over his words but she held up a hand, looking away from him.

                ‘I don’t want to hear it,’ she replied before turning and leaving again.

                Sirius watched after her for a moment before looking down at Georjaina again. ‘Jaina, I’m sorry, I know I told you-‘

                He stopped talking when she put her finger to his lips forcefully.

                ‘ _I don’t know who that is_ ,’ she said meaningfully. She saw understanding click in his face and then he nodded quickly.

                ‘Right. Well I…’ He looked at the door again, almost longingly.

                ‘Go on. I’ll be fine,’ she replied, patting his arm.

                He gave her one last look and then hurried over to his stall. James rolled his eyes as he turned his back and Sirius quickly pulled clothes on before rushing out the door. Once he was gone Georjaina sat on the bench again and James hesitantly approached her. It wasn’t until she smiled up at him that he sat beside her.

                ‘He’s told you about me, then?’ she asked after a little bit.

                ‘Sort of. The summer before last he went out in the woods behind my house one night,’ he started to explain. ‘He did that a lot. I think he really liked being in the country. Anyway, when he came back that time he seemed…upset, and he was cranky for several days after but he wouldn’t tell me about it. Then he showed up last Christmas Eve at our house, after staying lord-knows-where, all cheery and happy to be there.’ He looked over at her for a minute, his eyes studying her face as if he were still trying to convince himself she was actually real. ‘I finally got him to talk about it and he said he had had a fight that night in the woods. He said he knew I would think he was crazy but that he had an imaginary friend of sorts that had been popping into his life since he was five.’

                Georjaina sighed but there was a small smile on her face. ‘I guess that’s the best way to explain it. I don’t really have a better explanation than that.’

                He was still watching her and then the slightest frown creased his brow. ‘Are you alive right now?’

                ‘What?’ She stared at him openly, her face hard.

                ‘I mean, not here…somewhere else in the world,’ he replied. ‘He said you travel in time…’

                ‘I can’t…’ She hesitated, ducking her head as she thought fast.

                ‘He’s never asked you that?’

                ‘No,’ she replied, her tone absolute. ‘Because he knows I can’t talk about stuff like that.’

                A dark cloud passed over his eyes and he was still frowning. It scared her a little; she had never felt the need to explain herself to anyone else before but he was Sirius’ best friend. What if he made Sirius think differently of her and the things she kept secret?

                ‘Listen, James, I know it sounds strange, it _is_ strange, but I promise you I mean him no harm,’ she said, choosing her words carefully. ‘I care about him very much and I want nothing more than for him to be safe and happy in _his life_.’ She put emphasis on the last two words, hoping that he understood what she meant.

                He looked at her for a very long time and the he nodded his head. ‘I believe you,’ he said finally, firmly.

                She sighed and smiled at him, though her stomach twisted a little. She felt her hand spark against the bench and she pulled it back quickly. It was her left hand.

                ‘I’m sorry, I have to go,’ she said quickly, looking into his face. ‘Please tell him I said goodbye.’

                ‘Wait, what-‘ James started but then she popped into nothingness before him.

 

 

Ten minutes later Sirius was bounding down the lawn back toward the Quidditch pitch but he slowed when he noticed the figure approaching him. James was walking with his hands in his pockets and a strange look on his face. When he saw Sirius he half smiled.

                ‘Tell me I’m not mad,’ he said, gesturing back toward the changing rooms with his hand. ‘No one can Apparate in or out of the grounds.’

                Sirius sighed, looking crestfallen. ‘She doesn’t Apparate,’ he grumbled. He had ducked his head for a moment but when he looked up again he found that James was watching his face. They stared at each other for a minute.

                ‘You are being careful there, aren’t you?’ James finally asked. Sirius hesitated but then finally nodded. James offered him a small smile as he clapped him on the shoulder. ‘You should probably stop referring to her as your imaginary friend. She seemed pretty real to me.’

                Sirius nodded again and they started toward the school together, walking slowly across the dark lawn.

 


	9. Chapter 9 - DAY 17 & DAY 18

DAY 17

 

Sirius stood near the middle of the dark pitch alone, his broomstick still gripped in his hand as he slowly looked around him. This would be his final year here. Try outs hadn’t even taken place, let alone the first practice, and he still ached at the thought of never doing it again. He hadn’t been good enough to even think of trying for a professional team; James maybe, but not him. He’d been too distracted all these years to actually play to the best of his abilities.

                ‘Padfoot!’ Someone had come out of the dressing room across the way, waving their arm over their head, and he could tell by their tall, willowy form that it was James.

                ‘I’ll catch you up,’ Sirius called back. The team, or rather what was left of the team from last year, would be heading up to eat dinner together. Tonight had been an informal training, a chance for them to get to know each other’s skills once again. They were all good enough that James, who was now captain, surely wouldn’t think of replacing any of them.

                The wood of his broom handle creaked as he gripped it hard, looking around one last time, and then he headed toward the changing room, somehow feeling defeated. As he neared the stands something strange happened in the air in front of him; it was as if there was movement though there was nothing visible there and the hairs on his arms stood on end. He felt his entire body go rigid as he waited just a moment and when Georjaina appeared he didn’t hesitate to grab her arms and push her back until they were in the shadow of the stands. She looked up at him, alarmed, but he was busy checking that the team were all actually on their way up to the castle.

                After a few moments he turned back to her again with a relieved smile.

                ‘What’s going on?’ she asked, still worried.

                He shook his head, still grinning, and then he pulled her up into an embrace, wrapping his arms beneath her own so that her feet actually left the ground. She hesitated, surprised, but then she sighed and she pressed her face into his shoulder.

                ‘We were having practice,’ he explained once he set her down again. ‘I didn’t want anyone to see you.’

                She nodded as she looked toward the castle as well and then back at him. He could tell she was appraising him. ‘Seventeen?’

                ‘Yes. It’s September.’

                ‘Have you seen me since December?’

                ‘No,’ he replied, smiling a little at their back and forth. She didn’t usually ask things like that.

                He noticed she was looking around the pitch with interest and he went to lean his broomstick against the wall.

                ‘Let’s sit,’ he said, motioning with his shoulder. As she approached him he put his hands on her waist and boosted her up so that she could climb over the wall to the first row of stands. He then pulled himself up and slid into the seat beside her.

                ‘Do you play Quidditch?’ he asked and she shook her head.

                ‘I like flying but I’m not coordinated enough to do it and play a sport at the same time.’

                ‘I love it. It’s one of the best parts about being here.’ He looked around again fondly and then he put his arm around her back casually, his hand resting on her hip. She looked over at him, her eyes slightly narrowed.

                ‘How is Laura? Or are you not dating yet?’ she asked and she watched his cheeks burn red.

                ‘How did you..?’ He trailed off at the look on her face. ‘Right. Uh…we are dating, yeah, kinda. I mean, it’s not anything serious. I’m sorry, I…’

                But she was shaking her head, a small smile on her face. ‘Sirius, I don’t expect anything from you. You only see me a few times a year.’

                He looked a little confused and she chuckled quietly.

                ‘I don’t expect to be your…anything, really,’ she explained. ‘I’m just thinking of Laura and what’s fair to her.’

                He was frowning a little and she rolled her eyes.

                ‘Just because I’m not here all the time, that doesn’t mean it’s not cheating,’ she said, exasperated, and she saw it finally dawn on his face.

                ‘Oh, right.’ He had pulled his arm back off her. ‘So no snogging, then.’

                Georjaina sighed and shook her head. ‘You are ridiculous,’ she chastised him but she was laughing as she did it, and he grinned back at her. She thought about the fact that in two months’ time he would attempt to kiss her again and that she would let him, and she groaned inwardly. Either he figured she hadn’t experienced this night yet and he was taking advantage of that or he was going to continue to pester her about it and thought that she was finally giving in. Either way he was taking advantage and she scowled over at him.

                ‘What?’ he asked, surprised at the look she gave him. ‘What have I done?’

                ‘Nothing yet,’ she replied, snappishly. ‘You should just…think about your priorities. And your morals.’

                Sirius scoffed playfully and he surged forward, pulling her into another embrace. ‘I can still hug you, right?’ he asked, his voice muffled against her neck.

                ‘Yes,’ she breathed and he slid her up onto his lap so that he could hold her tightly. ‘Are you alright?’ She wasn’t resisting him but his eagerness was a little off-putting.

                ‘Just anxious, I suppose,’ he replied after hesitating for a few moments.  ‘This is my last year. I finally don’t have to worry about whether I’ll return to my parents next summer or not.’

                ‘Will you stay with the Potters longer?’

                ‘They’ve offered,’ he replied as he leaned back a little to look into her face. ‘Mrs. Potter absolutely loves me. She said I’ll always have a home there.’

                ‘That sounds very nice,’ she replied, smiling at him. ‘You really don’t have another choice as of yet, do you?’

                ‘Actually, I just found something out last month that I’ve wanted to tell you about. Apparently not all of my family has disowned me,’ he said. She felt her throat tighten at the mention of it but he was still smiling. ‘My uncle Alphard left me some money. Enough that I can live on my own, if I wanted.’

                ‘That’s wonderful,’ she sighed, her smile growing. ‘That’s one less thing you have to worry about so don’t let it bother you, alright? Take the rest of the year to figure out what you want.’

                ‘I know,’ he replied with a nod. ‘It’s just…there are other things happening outside the school that I have to take into consideration.’

                Georjaina was quiet for a moment as she thought. ‘Right. This is…1977. I know what’s happening. I remember.’

                ‘You do?’ he asked quickly and her cheeks burned. They stared at each other for a long time; she had never before referenced anything in her own life, in the life she lived outside the time she spent with him. She could see the questions forming behind his eyes and she knew she had to shut him down. But as she went to slide off his lap it hit her and she slunk heavily into her own seat, her head spinning.

                Potter. James Potter. It was a common enough name that it hadn’t occurred to her before but now, knowing what she did, he fit into the timeline…

                ‘Are you alright?’ he asked, bending down to look into her face because she had ducked her head as she thought. She could feel herself shaking as she looked at him and she tried not to let it show.

                ‘I’m fine, I’m alright,’ she replied after a moment, sounding breathless. ‘Just dizzy.’

                He half smiled as he reached out and grasped her hand. ‘Jaina, you’ve never…I mean, I know we haven’t really ever…’

                But she was shaking her head and he stopped.

                ‘Right. It’s dangerous, I get it.’

                She gave him a tight smile, all the while feeling like she was sinking through the seat beneath her. And for the first time she found herself wishing that she could jump away from him, now. As if someone were listening her hand sparked to life and she closed her eyes in relief.

                Sirius sighed heavily. ‘Right. I suppose I won’t kiss you goodbye.’

                ‘I think it won’t be long,’ she replied as she looked back at him. ‘Be good, won’t you?’

                He nodded as she slid back from him. Her other hand began and then the bench heaved beneath her and she landed on the rug of her living room. She was breathing heavily as the waves of thoughts she had been holding back descended upon her and then she looked up at the end table where the stacks of books still sat, waiting.

 

 

DAY 18

 

Georjaina had moved the books from the end table to the kitchen table but still hadn’t looked inside. After filling out the journal she sat with her elbows on the table, her hands gathered in front of her mouth as she stared at the books, as if willing them to tell her what she needed to know without having to look inside.

                Sirius was going to lose his best friend in just a few short years. She closed her eyes for a moment and remembered James’ bright young face. He was still wary of her but she saw nothing but nobility in that. He cared deeply for his friend and therefore cared who he associated with. He had even convinced his family to take Sirius in when he had nowhere else to go. She sighed and opened her eyes again, her heart thumping painfully in her chest. Those books didn’t necessarily hold the answers she was looking for now, they may just fill her in on Sirius and James’ families, so she decided to hold off just a while longer.

                Instead she went outside and sat on the steps, enjoying the sunshine of early summer on her face. She felt herself carefully wrapping the information up that was plaguing her and putting it away in her mind, somewhere she wouldn’t think about it every time she looked at Sirius.

                She felt her hand spark against the brick step and she smiled, letting out a slow breath. She stayed seated and landed seated once more on the sofa in the den at Wessex Cottage. She looked around for a moment, taking in the room’s features in the bright sunlight, and then she called out for him quietly. There was the sound of quick footsteps and then Sirius came bursting into the room. With a grin on his face that reminded her of a much younger version of him he rushed forward and dove onto the couch, half toppling her with a laugh.

                She was beaming as he wrapped his arms around her and pressed several kisses to both her cheeks.

                ‘Where have you been?’ he exclaimed, his face and hair a wild tangle of excitement as he looked down at her. She gave him a curious look. ‘It’s been _eight months_.’

                Georjaina cringed. ‘I’m sorry. You know-‘

                ‘You can’t help it,’ he finished for her as he finally sat up again. ‘Yes, I know.’

                She sat up as well, watching his face as he took the site of her in, and then he leaned forward quickly and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips.

                ‘I missed you,’ he murmured as he pulled back and she smiled, her cheeks burning a little.

                ‘What year is it?’ she asked.

                ‘1978. I’m still eighteen but I’m done with school.’

                ‘Well done,’ she replied, patting his leg. ‘Why have you come back here, then?’

                He looked around the room as he had noticed she was doing, as if he expected to find something new and interesting. ‘I stayed with James for a few weeks but then I came here, just to check things out. Apparently my estrangement from the family has not lifted my authority on our house elf. I called him here, just to ask a few things, and he said my mother hasn’t been coming here for over three years. My father never came to begin with so I thought I’d stay, at least for the summer.’

                She was smiling at him as she watched him talk.

                ‘I’m hoping at some point that I can bring others here that need to be safe. It’s so far removed from everything else…’

                ‘That sounds like a very good idea,’ she said once she realized he was looking for validation. ‘As long as you’re sure your mother isn’t going to just pop in.’

                He shook his head. ‘I’m not going to say that my family is not supportive of the dark arts but they’re not openly for the Dark Lord.’

                It was as if a shadow passed over them. In all the things she had seen and done with him, none of it brought the fact that they shared the same world into such sharp relief as mention of the horrible things that were happening in their society. She nodded to show her understanding but she didn’t feel comfortable saying more.

                ‘Does this feel like a good visit?’ he asked suddenly.

                ‘Yes. I think so.’

                ‘Good. I’m making you breakfast then.’ He took her hand and led her into the kitchen. She took a seat at the table as he began to work, pulling down pans and grabbing several things from the fridge. It seemed odd to her that he wasn’t using his wand at all, until he began to speak and she immediately understood; he was distracting himself.

                ‘Jaina, you’ve been gone so long and I’ve done a lot of thinking, and I told myself I would say this to you the next time you came, in case I didn’t get the chance again.’ He cracked open a few eggs over the frying pan, not even glancing at her as he spoke. ‘I’m sorry I’ve never shown much interest in your personal life.’

                He hesitated to see if she would say anything and when she didn’t he continued on, still working with his hands. ‘I would say my excuse was that I thought you wouldn’t tell me anything but that’s just me being selfish.’

                ‘Sirius…’ she began with a sigh but he turned around, shaking his head at her.

                ‘Please let me finish.’

                She sighed again but then nodded her head, and he turned back to the stove.

                ‘You really were my imaginary friend. You kept coming into my life and helping me, and that meant I didn’t have to care about your life once you were gone again. And I’m just…sorry.’

                ‘I don’t know what I would have told you, to be honest,’ she said after a moment. ‘The little you have asked me has made me…hesitant.’

                He nodded as he looked back at her over his shoulder. ‘I know. But I still should have asked.’ He turned back to the food and worked for a while in silence. Georjaina could feel the journal in her pocket and it reminded her of all the secrets she had to keep. She shook her head a little, attempting to fight off the wave of thoughts that were threatening to come forward. She needed to stay present, to be here with him now, not in the future or the past.

                Sirius eventually took two plates down from the cupboard and he dished out the food. There was a small smile on his face as he approached the table and sat beside her.

                ‘Thank you,’ she said as she grabbed up her fork. ‘This is very nice.’

                His smile was tight. ‘Will you tell me things, then? I mean, things that you feel comfortable telling me?’

                ‘Like what?’ she asked, shaking her head a little. ‘What do you want to know that you don’t already?’

                ‘Well, obviously you’re English,’ he said as he speared one of his eggs with his fork. ‘And you’re a witch. Right?’

                ‘You sound doubtful,’ she said with a small chuckle.

                ‘It’s just, you know about certain things but I’ve never actually seen you with a wand.’

                She ducked her head for a moment. ‘I…can’t do magic when I jump.’

                He frowned at her. ‘What?’

                ‘Believe me, I’ve tried,’ she replied with a shrug. ‘It just doesn’t work.’

                ‘Right.’ He was quite for a moment, contemplating. ‘What about your family?’

                ‘I don’t really have any anymore,’ she replied before taking a bite of toast. She thought that would be that but when she looked up she found he was staring at her expectantly. There was a sinking feeling in her chest. ‘My parents left when I was five.’

                ‘What do you mean, _left_?’

                ‘From what I gather I was unplanned and unanticipated,’ she said, feeling hesitant. ‘The short story is my parents were young and still had a lot they wanted to do in their lives. And that didn’t include having a child.’ She was quiet for a moment, eating a few more bites to stall. ‘And on top of that I was a child that kept disappearing randomly and they wouldn’t know where or when I was going to reappear.’

                He frowned at her again, questionably. ‘You don’t always jump back to the place you jumped from?’

                ‘No. Recently I always land somewhere in my home, even if I jump from somewhere else, but that wasn’t always the case.’

                She gave him a moment to think this over, knowing it was a lot of new information she was putting on him.

                ‘I was raised by my great aunt Georgina,’ she continued after a little bit. ‘I was named after her, obviously, and my father’s mother, Janie.’

                He gave her a small smile as he bit off a piece of bacon and she could tell he liked this information a bit more.

                ‘I couldn’t have asked for a better parent. Aunt Gina moved back from Italy to Britain just so that I could go to Hogwarts. We lived in the house she had grown up in. She even had my mother there for a few years when she was younger, basically for the same reason.’ She could feel her cheeks burning a little; it had been a long time since she had spoken of these things and she had never told them to anyone that didn’t actually know her family. ‘Looking back, I see all the other sacrifices she made for me, and…well, it makes it hard to be bitter about my parents when I was wanted like that by someone else.’

                Sirius nodded, looking contemplative. She could tell he hadn’t expected her to say that, that he had wanted her to feel the same bitterness and anger that he felt about his own parents.

                ‘Have you lost her?’ he asked carefully.

                ‘Yes. Three years ago.’

                ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, reaching over to grasp her hand.

                ‘It’s alright,’ she replied with a smile. ‘She got to see me finish school and she was sick. It was a bit of a relief.’

                He nodded. ‘So where do you live now?’

                ‘In the same house. She left it to me.’

                ‘And where is that?’

                She gave him a hard look, though there was still a bit of a smile in the corner of her mouth. ‘In the countryside. In a small village.’

                He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, pressing on. ‘And do you have a job?’

                At this she smiled and ducked her head again. ‘No. When I jump I can be gone for just a few minutes but also for hours. Nothing more than a day, really. But it’s unpredictable and not very conducive to having a job, even in the magical world.’

                He was staring at her again. This was a bit of information she would have told him at any time had he asked but he hadn’t and the guilt was written on his face. They had both finished their breakfast and he stood, taking their plates to the sink and he set them to washing themselves.

                ‘Do you want tea?’ he asked suddenly and she nodded with a small smile. She could see that he was trying to distract himself again and she stood, suddenly approaching him.

                ‘Is there anything else you want to ask?’ she asked, touching his shoulder gently.

                ‘Oh loads,’ he replied with a chuckle. ‘But I don’t want to push it.’

                ‘It’s alright. I’ll tell you if I’m not going to answer you.’

                He looked her in the face for a few moments before pulling out his wand to hurry the tea kettle along. ‘Are you close to anyone else then?’

                ‘Not really. I don’t really know the rest of my family. I have a few friends, in the village, and a couple in London, but that’s it really.’ She could see the question forming on his face before he said a thing and she took his hand. ‘After everything I’ve said, having your parents leave you does still make it hard to really trust other people. It…leaves a mark that no words can scrub away.’

                He nodded and leaned down to press his forehead to her own. They both closed their and stood in silence for several moments, until the kettle whistled and he pulled away. Georjaina grabbed down two mugs from a shelf and he poured out their tea.

                ‘It’s so different in here in the daylight,’ she said as she followed him into the den again, stirring sugar into her cup as she walked. They settled on the sofa again.

                ‘So, can I ask other personal questions?’

                ‘Personal how?’ she asked, looking hesitant again.

                Sirius took in a deep breath, like he was steeling himself. ‘Like what year you were born?’

                But she was already shaking her head.

                ‘Or what year it was when you jumped?’ he asked but she was still telling him no. He stirred his tea around for another few moments to stall. ‘James told me he asked you if you were living somewhere else when you were with us at Hogwarts last year but he wouldn’t tell me what you said.’

                Georjaina was frowning at him. ‘I’ll tell you what I told him; nothing. That is probably the most dangerous question you could ask me Sirius.’

                He sighed but nodded his understanding. She was still frowning and she turned to look out the window for a few moments. He couldn’t bring himself to turn away from staring at her profile, thinking hard.

                ‘What about boyfriends?’ he asked suddenly and she turned back to him, her face softening. ‘Have you had any?’

                ‘Yes,’ she replied, guarded as she took as sip of her tea.

                ‘How many?’

                ‘Two.’

                ‘Were they anything serious?’ he asked and she shook her head, shrugging her shoulder. ‘They were both wizards, I take it?’

                Georjaina hesitated but she was smiling. ‘No.’

                ‘They weren’t both _Muggles_ , were they?’ he asked, sounding aghast and she chuckled.

                ‘No.’

                He gave her a sly look as he drank from his own cup. ‘So I take it I wasn’t your first then?’

                ‘No,’ she replied, playfully scowling at him. ‘I thought that was obvious.’

                Sirius stared at her.

                ‘Speaking of,’ she said, busying herself with stirring her tea some more and the gently wiping her spoon on the edges of the cup. ‘How is Laura?’

                ‘I wouldn’t know.’ He shrugged, looking unconcerned.

                ‘Oh? How long has that not been going on?’

                ‘Surprisingly she didn’t really want to be my girlfriend any more after she caught me in the changing room, half naked, with another woman, as she put it,’ he replied and they both couldn’t help but laugh.

                ‘That was entirely your fault!’ she chuckled, her eyebrows raised.

                ‘How do you reckon that?’ he asked, feigning disbelief.

                ‘Two months before that I told you no snogging,’ she replied, pointing her spoon at him. ‘And what did you do the first opportunity you got?’

                ‘You kissed me back!’

                ‘I didn’t know you had a girlfriend, did I?’ She was still laughing, amused at his lack of ability to see his own guilt in this. ‘To me those two days are in opposite order.’

                He was trying to look annoyed but was failing miserably. ‘I thought you just couldn’t resist me.’

                ‘I reckoned that’s what you thought!’ she chuckled and he finally grinned at her.

                ‘What about the day in between?’ he asked. ‘Last October.’

                ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she replied, shaking her head.

                ‘Ah! That’s explains it.’

                She watched him as he leaned his head back on the couch, running a hand through his hair as he did so. His words had sparked her curiosity but she didn’t want to ask too much and let him think he was alright to tell her anything.

                ‘Did you…get yourself in trouble?’ she asked hesitantly.

                ‘A bit, yeah,’ he replied, cringing over at her.

                ‘Well, I’m sure it was nothing more than what you deserved.’

                He sat up again and he placed a hand on her knee. ‘I know I can’t tell you anything or change it but…can you just try to be nice to me? I was being a bit of an idiot.’

                She searched his face for a moment before pursing her lips together. ‘We’ll see.’

                That seemed enough for him before he happily went back to his tea in silence. She was trying not to smile again as she sipped at her own cup.

                ‘Can we go back to the boyfriend thing?’ he asked after a little bit. ‘You said I obviously wasn’t your first…’

                Georjaina was shaking her head at him. ‘We’re not discussing this.’

                ‘Why not? That’s not dangerous information.’

                ‘I know it’s not. That doesn’t mean I want to talk to you about it.’

                He narrowed his eyes at her as he set his cup down on the side table. ‘Fine. Just tell me I was your best and I’ll be satisfied.’

                She laughed aloud as she set her own tea down and then she crawled onto his lap, sitting so that she straddled his thighs. ‘You, sir, are a cheeky, irritating, and sometimes infuriating young man,’ she said, her hands on either side of his neck as he looked up at her. He was grinning, his own hands coming around her waist.

                ‘You forgot _irresistible_ ,’ he replied and when her eyebrows went up he laughed and spun her around, bringing her down beneath him on the couch. She was chuckling as well as he crawled on top of her and buried his face against her neck.

 

 

‘Are you awake?’ Sirius asked quietly. Half an hour had passed and they were lying on the floor beneath one of the brightly lit windows of the den. The sunlight was warm against all of their exposed skin. Georjaina was lying on her back, one of her arms behind her head as she dozed, while Sirius lay beside her, his cheek pressed against her chest.

                ‘Hm,’ she replied, her other hand coming up to touch his hair.

                ‘What’s it feel like when you jump?’ he asked. She opened her eyes, staring up at the ceiling for a while as she thought.

                ‘You know when you Apparate and it feels like the air just sucks you into it?’ she asked and he nodded. ‘There’s always resistance there, you just can’t help it, but you also purposely did it so it feels okay. Jumping is the complete opposite.’

                He lifted his head to look at her face.

                ‘It’s like whatever I’m standing on it trying to heave me off the planet,’ she continued quietly, not really looking at him. ‘Sometimes I can actually feel the ground tip. And, because it’s not intentional, the resistance is more and there’s nothing to compensate for it. But I’ve learned over the years that the more you fight it, the harder it is on your body.’

                He was quiet for a moment as he ran a finger along her collar bone. ‘I remember when I was fourteen and you tried to jump while you had ahold of me,’ he said finally and she looked down at him. ‘I know we didn’t travel through time, we just moved through space, but it still felt…horrible. Is it like that every time?’

                ‘It’s scary, it always is, but you do sort of get used to it. Especially when you spend over two weeks straight doing it daily.’ There was a small smile on her lips and he nodded in understanding. ‘There’s more than just a little comfort in knowing that when I jump I’ll be wherever you are.’

                He hummed appreciatively and pressed a few kisses to her skin.

                ‘What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed where you jumped?’

                She glanced over at the clock standing against the opposite wall. ‘This, actually.’

                He smiled up at her and she placed a hand on his cheek.

                ‘Earlier, when I first arrived, you were almost…upset that I had been gone so long,’ she said, watching his face for a reaction. ‘I know at the end of last year I visited a lot but just a few times a year has been the norm. Why did you expect it to be different?’

                He was quiet for a moment and she could see his cheeks had grown a little red. ‘I didn’t expect it to be different, I just hoped it would be. It’s getting…harder. Every time.’

                She gave him a tight smile as she sighed and he sat up. He took her hand and pulled her up beside him, and she noticed there was a sudden shadow over his eyes.

                ‘I remember everything you said that day on the bridge, when I was fourteen,’ he started and she gripped his fingers as she listened. ‘When I said that you weren’t here all the time you said it wouldn’t always be that way…’

                Georjaina shook her head when he looked to her for an answer.

                ‘Did you mean that?’ he asked, a pleading look on his face. ‘Or where you just saying it? Because when you’re here now I don’t expect you to go and every time that you do it’s a disappointment.’

                ‘I know, I’m sor-‘

                ‘Don’t apologize!’ he snapped and then he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. ‘I _know_ you have no control over it, I’ve heard that a thousand times. What I’m asking you is if you have further knowledge of a time when you’ll stop jumping and just stay with me.’

                She looked up at him again and he could see the wall behind her eyes going back up. She was scowling a little, her eyes dark.

                ‘Even if I knew that I couldn’t tell you,’ she replied and when he pulled away from her in annoyance she reached out and grasped his wrist. ‘I know, _I know_ it’s disappointing and frustrating but I am trying to protect you! No one has ever given me the rules, I’m just trying to do what feels right.’

                Sirius bowed his head as he thought, unable to meet her gaze. And then, after what felt like a long time, he reached out and took both of her hands, holding them tightly. She was a little startled but she looked him in the face when he looked up at her again.

                ‘Alright. I believe everything you’re telling me,’ he said carefully. ‘But will you promise me something?’

                ‘What is it?’ she asked, anxiety in her voice.

                ‘When or if you stop jumping to my past, you’ll come find me.’

                Her eyes were searching his face as she thought and then she nodded. ‘If there comes a time I feel it’s safe then I promise I will look for you.’

                He sighed and pulled her forward into a long kiss. And when he was done her cheeks were red and her eyes were glistening, but she tried to smile at him anyway.

                ‘Are you…are you younger than me?’ he asked as he brushed some of her hair back from her forehead.

                She hesitated and then nodded. ‘Yes, I am.’

                ‘Not _too_ young, I hope?’ he replied and she shook her head in a meaningful way. ‘Right. Sorry.’ He stood and then pulled her up before grabbing a blanket from the couch to wrap around her. ‘You should get dressed. We could go for a walk.’

                She nodded, giving him another smile, and they went to retrieve their clothes from the floor.

 

 

They walked through the field slowly, hand in hand, quiet as they enjoyed the warm weather and the breeze dancing through the tall grass and swirling around them. 

                ‘I’ve never really noticed before,’ he said after a while as he stopped and took a bit of her hair between his fingers. ‘In the sun your hair is more strawberry blonde than just blonde.’

                She smiled down at his hand and shrugged. ‘It runs in my family.’

                ‘And your eyes?’ he asked, his own eyes upon her face.

                ‘My father,’ she replied a little sheepishly. ‘Aunt Gina had brown eyes. She said everyone else on that side of the family did as well. Only my father and I had green eyes.’

                He smiled warmly at her as he took her hand again and they headed down toward the woods. Georjaina felt a little tense at the sight of the bridge but then reminded herself that it was one of his favorite spots.

                ‘Sirius,’ she said quietly as the floor boards creaked underneath their steps. ‘I need to ask you something but it’s a…delicate subject.’

                He looked at her intently as they stopped walking and he leaned against the railing, the river flowing quietly below them.

                ‘I know what’s going on in the world,’ she started slowly, hesitant. ‘I mean, what’s happening currently in British society. I know all about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and his followers, and those who resist him.’

                She could see some color in his cheeks and knew she was right to bring this up.

                ‘I’m going to take a leap of faith and say that some of your friends may be involved in the resistance?’ she asked and after a few moments he nodded. She felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. ‘Are you involved as well?’

                He hesitated for several long moments, ducking his head. ‘How can I not be?’ he finally replied quietly.

                She tried to not let her panic show on her face. ‘Right. That’s what I thought you would say.’ She turned away from him for a moment, biting at her fingernail as she thought. ‘I suppose I would do the same if I were in your position.’

                The information she had been fighting off for days was hovering on the edge of her consciousness and she took a moment to ward it off again. She was sure if she actually sat and thought about it there would be much more she would remember from 1978…

                ‘Do we win?’ he asked suddenly, coming closer to her and she looked up into his face again.

                She thought of all the things she could tell him, all the warnings she could give, what she could say about his best friend…

                ‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘But at great cost.’

                Sirius sighed and nodded, taking her into his arms. She leaned against his chest heavily, still fighting off the memories. Her hand suddenly sparked and she nearly jumped. He looked down as well and she saw the immense disappointment on his face.

                ‘Please be careful and stay safe,’ she said as she backed slowly away from him. ‘Thank you for today.’

                ‘It was the best day,’ he replied, stepping forward quickly to kiss her hard. When he pulled back his cheeks were burning. ‘Don’t make it another eight months.’

                ‘I’ll try,’ she promised, attempting to smile at him. The bridge was tilting back but she concentrated on his face until she couldn’t see him anymore.

                Sirius watched her vanish with such finality and he stared at the spot she had been standing for several long moments before he squatted down, holding his face between his hands as he concentrated on breathing and not letting the immense ache in his chest overwhelm him.


	10. Chapter 10 - DAY 19 & DAY 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would defend Sirius to the ends of the earth. He is unabashedly my favorite character in the series. However, I am not unaware of the fact that he was at times not the nicest or the most selfless person. In response to a few of the reviews the last few chapters have received, I just have to say that I was trying to be realistic with him. Over compensation for a horrible childhood and a pretty face do not mix well.
> 
> ‘I’ll Be Seeing You’ is the song for DAY 20. Thank you Ms. Holiday.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading and for all the inspiring reviews!

DAY 19

 

Again Georjaina slept in but this time it wasn’t from exhaustion. Neither was it an unconscious ploy to not think about things. She knew what it was that was bothering her, knew what the heavy, cracking feeling in her chest was, and it terrified her. So she tucked those thoughts away with the other dangerous memories and went about her afternoon like normal. She hurried to and from the store for groceries, a habit she had had for a very long time, with the fear that she would jump and lose everything that she had purchased on the sidewalk or in someone’s front garden.

                Around dinnertime she began to feel anxious again and so she did the only thing she could think of to distract herself; she took the ominous stack of books back into the living room and opened them up. And with relief she found that she had been right in thinking they would show her nothing more than Sirius’ immense family trees. There were some detailed depictions of heroes of war or the random wizard or witch who had discovered a new spell or use for a potion, but nothing about the First Wizarding War and its impact on them all. Of course, that was current news, at least in Sirius’ time and most of these books were probably older than him. She did find him name, Sirius III, at the very bottom of one of the cleaner looking books but that was it. _Born November 3 rd, 1959_; that she already knew.

                She sighed and shut the book, setting it atop the stack and promising herself she would return them to the library as soon as possible. Even though she knew they were innocent they still felt foreboding sitting in her house. She sat back on the sofa and looked down at her hands, as if she were trying to encourage them. They must have taken the hint before her left one sparked and she was gone before she could gasp with delight.

                She was still seated when she landed and she fell back a little onto a dirt street, still looking at her hands in wonder. Had she just forced herself to jump?

                A door opened somewhere nearby, letting out the sound of several people’s voices, and she finally looked up. She was sitting in the middle of a familiar looking street. Lining either side was a mass of houses and shops, their roofs slanted at high, strange angles. She stood slowly, brushing the dirt from her pants, and then someone yelled indistinguishably from right behind her. She spun around quickly, backing away as she did, and Sirius missed throwing his arms around her, landing face down in the dirt instead.

                He was laughing manically as he rolled onto his back and she stood over him, her hands on her hips.

                ‘What on earth are you wearing?’ she asked.

                ‘Hang on!’ he replied, attempting to get up. It took him a surprisingly long time. ‘I must stand in order to get the full affect.’

                Georjaina frowned at him. Everything he was wearing was red and layered; tight pants with matching shorts over them, a long sleeve tee, a ridiculous, shiny cape that hung down his back, and atop his head was a pair of red horns. He stood with his own fists on his hips, his elbows jutting out, and his chin raised, a smirk on his face.

                ‘I’m the devil,’ he replied when she didn’t say anything. ‘It’s a Muggle thing.’

                ‘I know what it is,’ she replied, narrowing her eyes at him as she took a step back. ‘I take it it’s Halloween, then? In 1977?’

                ‘You’re so smart!’ he chirped before bounding forward and throwing his arms around her. She saw that he was trying to kiss her and she shoved him off.

                ‘You’re drunk!’ she exclaimed, frowning at him as she backed away again.

                ‘Well yeah,’ he replied, looking a little annoyed. She watched him fumble for a moment with his cape, which had wrapped around his front, and then she looked up the street again.

                ‘Why are we in Hogsmead?’ she asked as she glanced back at him. ‘Is it a Hogsmead weekend?’

                He snorted. ‘No…’

                ‘Are you here alone?’ She came forward and grasped his cape, throwing it over his shoulder. ‘Where is James?’

                ‘Ta-da!’ Someone came through the door nearest to them. He was dressed all in black, a cape of his own hanging down to his knees and a black mask pushed up on his forehead. ‘I heard you calling me-‘ He tripped on the only step outside the door and fell forward into the dirt before she could even think of catching him.

                Georjaina sighed as she looked down at him, while Sirius stood behind her shoulder giggling.

                ‘Hey, it’s the imaginary friend!’ James gasped, pointing up at her. She grabbed his hand and attempted to pull him up. ‘That’s like a nanny, right? _She_ could take care of us!’

                ‘She’s not like a nanny,’ Sirius replied, rolling his eyes. ‘She’s like my girlfriend.’

                ‘I am _not_ your girlfriend,’ she snapped and he looked taken aback. ‘You have a girlfriend, remember?’

                ‘Yeahhhhh…’ He said the word slowly and drawn out, a cringe on his face.

                She rolled her eyes as she finally got James correctly on his feet. ‘Let’s just stick with the imaginary friend who doesn’t aid drunken teenage boys in their debauchery. ‘

                James stuck his lip out as he and Sirius threw their arms around each other, looking at her with pathetic eyes.

                ‘But how will we survive?’ he asked and Sirius nodded.

                ‘If you leave us out here we’ll surely die.’

                Georjaina sighed again, exasperated. ‘And how exactly am I supposed to get the two of you up to the castle without being seen?’

                Their faces broke into identical wicked grins.

 

 

They really were two of a kind. This was her thought as she allowed them to lead her down the main street and then down several side alleys. Both were equally drunk but James seemed a little more unsteady on his feet. Once she grew tired of being slowed by Sirius’ lack of ability to hold his friend up, she ducked herself beneath James’ arm and he leaned on her heavily as they walked. On his own Sirius seemed to slow as well and she reached back, grasping his hand firmly to keep him at her side.

                It had been several years since she had been here herself and it therefore took her a long time to realize that they were not, in fact, headed toward the castle. Dark woods were looming in front of them and the outline of a dark house came into view, and Georjaina stopped abruptly. James slid off her shoulder and onto the ground again, laughing.

                ‘What is this?’ she asked, looking over at Sirius. His face was a guilty scowl.

                ‘Don’t worry,’ he replied, shaking his head. ‘We come here all the time.’

                ‘The Forbidden Forest or the Shrieking Shack?’ she snapped.

                ‘It’s not haunted,’ James said as he sat up. ‘Well, at least by no one but us.’

                Georjaina frowned, looking from him back to Sirius again.

                ‘Show her, Padfoot.’

                Sirius smiled and winked down at his friend as he took a few steps back from her. He pulled his wand out from somewhere at his side, flicked it and turned on his heel. Before she knew what was happening a massive black down was standing in his spot.

                James was laughing again from behind her as the dog loped around in a circle, his tongue hanging out.

                ‘My turn!’ James exclaimed; there was a strange noise and Georjaina spun around to find a massive horned animal looming over her. She jumped back with a cry, her hand automatically going for her wand, but she stopped herself from pulling it out.

                Sirius finally noticed her reaction and he stopped spinning, coming toward her slowly. She looked down when he whimpered and then he pressed his nose into her hand.

                ‘Is being an Animagus part of standardized learning now?’ she asked as she looked from him to the stag. ‘Because it certainly wasn’t when I attended Hogwarts.’

                James snapped back into himself and Sirius quickly followed suit.

                ‘No, we’re special,’ James said with a grin.

                Sirius stood up beside her, looking smug. ‘ _Very_ special.’

                She was quiet for a moment as she took this in and then she shook her head. ‘Are you telling me the haunting at the Shrieking Shack is actually just the two of you playing beasts?’

                Sirius grinned at her, shrugging his shoulder.

 

 

Georjaina felt drunk herself, or at least a little punch drunk. She had managed to crawl between two broken boards through a window of the Shack, navigated her way through several dark, eerie rooms, and gone through a trap door beneath the rug in what was once the living room. Drunk as they were both James and Sirius managed it with ease, as if they had done it many times before.

                She didn’t think she had ever been so irritated with him before but then she remembered what he had said to her yesterday. He knew today was a bad day for her, that she would be unhappy, but he also knew that his drunken seventeen year old self wouldn’t take enough notice at the time to make up for that.

                The trap door had brought them down into a dark, damp tunnel, and both the boys produced their wands to light the way. The smell of wet dirt was overwhelming at times but she barely noticed as she concentrated on not tripping over random tree roots that reached up from the ground or else sliding sideways when the tunnel narrowed suddenly. Several times Sirius attempted to help her but always ended up falling into her instead and she eventually fell. He swore as he came down on top of her and James hurried to help him up. Sirius suddenly pushed him away and strode several yards back from them before retching on the ground.

                James watched him for a moment before reaching down with both arms to pull Georjaina onto her feet. He gave her a tight smile, finally realizing what the look on her face meant.

                ‘He likes you an awful lot, you know,’ he said quietly and she turned her attention to him, her brow furrowing a little. ‘He talks about you all the time.’

                ‘He hardly knows me,’ she replied, shaking her head.

                ‘But you know him,’ he said, leaning toward her with a smile. She looked into his young, happy face and she felt her stomach clench. ‘He said you’ve been there his entire life.’

                ‘Almost,’ she whispered. She looked back at Sirius; he was standing again and wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve as he approached them.

                ‘What are you telling her?’ he asked, his voice rough.

                ‘That I’m going to marry Lily Evans,’ James replied with a grin and Sirius rolled his eyes. ‘We’ve been dating going on a year now,’ he told Georjaina happily. ‘I’ve lured her in and now she’s trapped.’

                ‘Lucky her,’ she replied, finally smiling a little. She looked over at Sirius, who was watching her with a strange look on his face, and she sighed, taking his hand. He looked relieved as they began to walk again.

                Throwing up seemed to have sobered him a little and he was quiet as they walked. She held his hand tightly, a sinking feeling in her chest, and she suddenly found that she didn’t really want to be around either of them anymore. Her hand sparked and Sirius pulled back with a hiss of pain.

                James spun around, looking alarmed, and Sirius was staring at her, a look of longing on his face that again reminded her of a much younger him. And in that moment she took pity on him.

                ‘I’ll be back in five days,’ she said quietly and he smiled.

 

 

Once home again she went right to bed. It was late anyhow and she was actually physically exhausted from their adventure. She slept hard for about an hour, thoughts floating lazily through her head but not really manifesting as a dream, and then, just before midnight, she gasped awake. Her eyes were wide as she stared at the wall and then she pushed herself out of bed and across the room, grabbing up the pants she had worn that day. She slid the journal out of her back pocket and sat back on the bed, flicking the light on before flipping through the pages. And then she stopped, her heart sinking as she stared at the page in disbelief.

 

 

DAY 20

 

Georjaina felt too anxious to eat. She dozed on and off through the morning and the afternoon, laid out on the sofa, her stomach and chest aching. She hadn’t written yesterday down; she couldn’t even force herself to touch her journal. Instead she thought of every moment with Sirius, replaying it all in her head, and questioning every second of it.

                In the later afternoon she spent a long time soaking in the hot shower, breathing in the steam to clear her head. It slowed the shaking in her fingers and she was able to dry her hair with her wand and wash her face with ease. She felt like leaving the house, like going somewhere, anywhere with people…but she also felt a crushing anxiety that kept her inside. She wasn’t exactly the most social of people but she had never felt fear of leaving her home before.

                She cooked herself dinner, knowing that she wouldn’t eat it, and as she sat at the table, her warm plate in front of her, she stared down at her hands guiltily. _Just get it over with_ , she thought to herself and her left hand sparked.

 

 

Sirius was seated on a garden bench, his legs crossed and one arm relaxed across the back of it as he smoked. The bench was just off the garden patio but separated from it by a large clump of tall bushes. He could hear the other guests chatting and laughing, all of them much more at ease now that dinner was done.

                He winced as he felt his side tingle strangely and when he looked beside him the air was visibly moving. He put the cigarette between his lips and sat up straighter, holding both his hands out, ready. And when Georjaina slammed into the seat he grasped both her shoulders quickly, keeping her from falling forward onto the ground.

                Her hands immediately went up to her head and she sat for a little bit in silence, her eyes closed. Obviously not eating did not go hand in hand with jumping. Eventually she opened her eyes again and peered over at him. He looked casually back at her as he took a long drag from his cigarette.

                ‘I thought you might show up tonight,’ he said as he flicked some of the ashes away.

                She was studying his face but it was hard to tell his age any more. He was dressed in a black suit and tie, his hair slicked and pulled back.

                ‘What’s today?’ she asked quietly.

                ‘James’ wedding,’ he replied, still nonchalant. ‘He convinced Lily to marry him after all.’

                She nodded and looked around them for the first time but there wasn’t much to see. She could hear what sounded like a crowd of people talking and her stomach clenched. Sirius leaned down to rub his cigarette out and he stood, grabbing her hand.

                ‘Come have a dance,’ he said as he pulled her up. She followed him blindly around the corner and into a patio area. There were several tall tables set up beneath a myriad of hanging lights, and about twenty people were milling about, chatting and drinking as they watched several couples dance on a makeshift floor in the yard. She noticed a gramophone in the corner and a stately dressed, older gentleman beside it, his hands behind his back as he watched the dancers happily.

                As Sirius pulled her onto the dance floor the song was coming to an end and the older man pulled out another record from a box beside him. Sirius noticed the small smile as her lips as he put his arm around her and he gave her a curious look.

                ‘Billie Holiday,’ she explained, her cheeks a little red as they began to sway gently. ‘Aunt Gina loved her.’

                He was silent, his face absent of emotion as he watched her for a moment and then he pulled her closer so that he couldn’t look at her face any more.

                ‘How long has it been?’ she asked quietly.

                ‘Ten months,’ he replied and she closed her eyes in anguish. Something was…off. She had never seen him so quiet and calm before, almost stoic in whatever it was he was feeling.

                ‘And how have you been?’ she asked, hoping it sounded innocent enough.

                He hesitated as they spun. ‘My father died.’

                He felt her try to pull back so that she could look at him but he held her to his chest tightly.

                ‘Oh, Sirius, I’m so sorry,’ she breathed, shaking her head a little.

                ‘I suspect it has something to do with my brother’s disappearance. He’s presumed dead as well.’

                Something in her chest tightened and she frowned. She knew, of course, that he wasn’t close to his family in any way, but the way he was speaking about their deaths scared her.

                ‘He was a Death Eater,’ he whispered and she felt the hairs on her arm stand on end.

                They spun quietly for a little while longer and then she began to lean against him, pressing her face into his shoulder, and he closed his eyes as he rested his cheek against her temple. As the song was coming to a close she found herself watching the other couples over his shoulder and she spotted James across the way, standing at a table with a few older men. She meant to smile at him before remembering that he couldn’t see most of her face, but then he frowned at her for just a moment, as if surprised, and she knew what that look in his eyes meant.

                Sirius felt her pulling away and he let her. And when she stalked off the dance floor and cut through the trees into another part of the garden he followed slowly, his hands in his pockets. They came down a smooth lawn that sloped toward a wooded area and she turned back to look at the party from a distance. They were in the garden of a large manor house and there not visible neighbors on either side.

                He had pulled out another cigarette and she watched him as he lit it, his features flashing in the sudden burst of flame. She could feel her hands shaking and she crossed her arms.

                ‘Where are we?’

                ‘A cousin of James,’ he replied, not really looking at her. ‘We can’t exactly have large, public gatherings anymore.’

                She nodded, ducking her head for a moment as she toed at the grass with her shoe. ‘Sirius, I’ve very sorry-‘

                ‘I can’t do this anymore,’ he cut her off. Georjaina stared at him as he finally looked at her. ‘It feels like we’re playing a cruel game that we cannot win.’

                She nodded again, frowning as she felt the emotions swirl in her chest. It made her throat tight.

                ‘You said, a long time ago, that you would figure this out,’ he continued, ducking his head again. ‘But you don’t understand anything more than you did at the beginning and it’s been fourteen years.’

                ‘It’s been _twenty days_ ,’ she protested, anger flashing across her face. ‘I don’t know what else you expect me to-‘

                ‘I went looking for you,’ he cut her off again, his face hard. ‘Several times.’

                She stared at him again, feeling her standard resistance at the idea cutting through her, but then she suppressed it, shaking her head. He couldn’t have actually found her or she would have remembered it.

                ‘And what did you find?’ she asked, hesitantly.

                He scowled at her. ‘Nothing. But I might have if you told me a _goddamn thing about you_ ,’ he snapped.

                ‘I have told you everything about my life. What more do you want?’

                He was shaking his head. ‘No, you’ve told me what you’ve wanted to, only. But you have withheld the information that I have asked for many times! Information that would have actually helped me find you!’

                Georjaina turned away from him and then walked out several steps, thinking. The ache in her chest was growing and she wanted to cry but it was all too much. She felt as if she started that she would never stop again. She heard his footsteps in the grass as he came up behind her and he grasped her arm roughly, turning her toward him. Startled, she looked into his face, watching as his dark eyes bore into her.

                ‘Are you real?’

                It felt as though the ground was tilting beneath her but she didn’t feel the familiar prick of her hands. ‘W…what?’

                ‘Are you real, Jaina,’ he repeated between his teeth.

                Panic seared in her mind as she continued to stare at him, thoughts and memories racing before her eyes.

                ‘I don’t know,’ she finally replied, quietly.

                His hand released from her arm and he took an unsteady step backward. ‘What do you _mean_ you don’t know?’ His voice broke and he was suddenly crying in anger. She covered her face with her hands for a moment as she thought.

                ‘Yesterday was Halloween, that year I was with you and James in Hogsmead,’ she started, her throat tight, and she saw the recognition in his eyes. ‘It wasn’t until hours after I jumped back home that I realized James hadn’t met me yet but he knew who I was.’

                Sirius shook his head and she could see his mind was racing. ‘Maybe you haven’t jumped yet to when you actually met him for the first time.’

                ‘Even if that is true, five days later I met him in the changing rooms at Hogwarts and he had no idea who I was,’ she replied and his face fell. ‘I didn’t suspect anything then because that was my first time meeting him but…he had already met me, at least twice, and he had forgotten who I was. You should have known then that he had met me but you had forgotten as well.’

                ‘I…’ he trailed off, his eyes blank as he thought. She could see the horrible idea crawling onto his face and knew he must be feeling the doubt and fear that had been plaguing her since yesterday.

                ‘It’s just like with your mother. And Regulus. They saw me and _they forgot_.’

                He was quiet for a little bit, still trying to grasp onto something that would save them. ‘What about your family?’

                She felt a lump rise to her throat and she gasped out a sob, covering her face again. ‘I remember everything. I remember twenty one years of my life but I have no evidence that any of it is real.’

                ‘You didn’t make that up,’ he argued but she was shaking her head.

                ‘What if I did? What if I believe my own lies?’

                He came forward suddenly and grasped both of her arms. She dragged in several ragged, panicked breathes as he attempted to hold her steady and look into her face.

                ‘Let me go find you,’ he pleaded, trying to sound calm and rational. ‘Let me prove to us both that you are real.’

                She looked at him through the tears in her eyes and she shook her head. ‘What year is it?’

                ‘1979,’ he replied quickly.

                She hesitated, her cheeks red and wet, and then she pushed on, ignoring the sharp warning in her mind. ‘I’m just eleven. I haven’t even gone to Hogwarts yet. If you…if you found me now I would just be a little girl who had no idea who you are.’

                He bowed his head as he sighed.

                ‘I can’t meet you yet,’ she said. ‘It could change everything.’

                ‘Isn’t it worth the risk?’ he asked, looking back at her again.

                ‘Not if we lose all this.’

                He stared down at her in silence, his eyes still brimmed in tears, and then he pulled her to his chest, cupping the back of her head with his hand as he buried his face in her hair.

                ‘I want to let you go,’ he whispered, his voice tight. ‘But I can’t. You can’t leave me.’

                ‘I can’t promise you anything,’ she replied, holding onto his tightly. ‘Either way. I don’t know how much longer this will go and I also can’t stop it from happening.’

                She felt his nod against her shoulder.

                ‘I’ve been worried that something happened to you,’ he said after a little bit. ‘And I realized that if something had I would have no way of knowing. Just like you wouldn’t know if something happened to me.’

                Georjaina frowned as this realization hit her for the first time. She pulled back a little so that she could see his face and she touched his cheek with her hand. His dark eyes were rimmed in red, which made them appear oddly large, and as she gave him a tight, sad smile, the thought of the library at the Ministry popped into her head. He might not be able to track her down but it would only be too easy for her to find him.

                ‘I’m going to go now,’ she said as she nodded her head, as if making up her mind. He automatically looked down but her hands were not sparking. ‘It’s…been working a little for me lately, when I really want it to.’

                ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ he asked.

                ‘I didn’t want to get your hopes up. Like I said, I can’t promise you anything.’ She squeezed his fingers and then slowly pulled back from him. That look of longing spread across his face and it looked as though he was going to reach out and grab her again, put then her hand sparked and she closed her eyes.

 

 

Half an hour later James found him. Sirius was sitting out on the lawn, alone in the dark, far from the other guests. There were four used cigarettes scattered on the ground around him and he had another lit between his lips. He didn’t say anything as James approached him and so he sat beside him quietly.

                ‘Alright, mate?’ he asked after several longs moments of silence. He looked over and blanched; even in the moon light it was extremely obvious that Sirius had been crying. ‘Who was that you were dancing with?’

                Sirius huffed out a bitter laugh as he flicked his cigarette away and then he looked over at his best friend, tears blossoming in his eyes again. James hesitated, taken aback, and the he pulled him into a tight embrace.


	11. Chapter 11 - DAY 21

DAY 21

 

There was a soft knock on the kitchen door and Georjaina flinched. She sat at the table, leaning against her elbows with her hands gathered together in front of her mouth, and the journal lying on the wood in front of her. She didn’t know how long she had been contemplating it, the small, black book.

                ‘Georjaina?’ a woman’s voice called and then she heard the sounds of keys jangling as they came out of a pocket.  Georjaina sighed and ducked her head for a moment, still listening as the woman came inside.

                ‘Oh. Didn’t you hear me calling?’ she asked as she shut the door behind her. She was carrying a covered porcelain dish in her hands and she went to set it on the counter before approaching the girl.

                Georjaina looked up finally when the woman touched her shoulder. Barbara was an old family friend and the look she gave her told Georjaina all she needed to know about her current appearance.

                ‘Have you eaten?’ she asked, speaking a little slower than normal.

                ‘You can see me?’ Georjaina asked and Barbara frowned at her.

                ‘How long has it been since you ate?’ she asked again, looking around the kitchen, and for the first time she noticed the lack of any dirty dishes. This was unlike Georjaina. Barbara remembered her Aunt Gina always getting after her about that. ‘I’ve brought you food.’

                It wasn’t a question and she patted the girl’s shoulder before going to get a plate down. She dished out a large serving and set it on the table in front of Georjaina, sliding the journal out of the way as she did so. Georjaina’s eyes followed the book closely but she didn’t move to touch it.

                ‘You’ll excuse me, won’t you?’ Barbara asked after she awkwardly stood over her for several moments and she shuffled into the next room, intent on visiting the lavatory. But as she entered the living room she stopped short and stared; she knew Georjaina’s cleaning habits in the kitchen lacked but she had never seen the rest of the house like this. The floor was littered with random items, books and pillows and pieces of parchment. She took a hesitant step forward and something crunched under her shoe. Bending down she gasped quietly as she picked up a turned over picture frame, the glass front of it smashed to pieces. It was a photo of Georjaina and Gina, when the girl was much younger. They were smiling and waving happily from a black and white beach somewhere. Barbara frowned as she looked around, taking in the wreckage with a fresh pair of eyes, and she came back into the kitchen.

                Georjaina was sitting exactly as she had left her and she hadn’t touched her plate. Carefully Barbara set the picture down on the table and then slid into the seat beside her.

                ‘Dear, what is going on?’ she asked, leaning over to touch the girl’s arm. ‘We haven’t seen you in weeks. Mrs. Rabble said she thought she spotted you in the park the other day but you didn’t respond when she called out.’

                Georjaina’s eyes flicked up at this and Barbara noticed they had an anxious, manic look about them.

                ‘Have you been sleeping?’ Barbara asked and Georjaina shook her head. ‘What is going on?’

                Georjaina finally brought her hands away from her face and she reached out to take Barbara’s offered hand, but just before their palms touched sparks flashed between them.

                ‘I don’t know what’s going on,’ Georjaina said, calm as she pulled her hand back. ‘But I’m going to find out.’

                Barbara sat back, knowing what was going to happen. She had only witnessed this a few times before and she tried not to let the worry show on her face as the girl vanished.

 

Georjaina landed upright but it was so dark around her that she listed a little to the left and fell into a wall. She waited a while before moving again, until her eyes adjusted to the dim moonlight coming in through the curtains and she could make out large, shadowed shapes around the room.

                ‘Jaina?’ she heard him whisper and all at once she became aware that the dark mass in the middle of the room was a bed. She approached slowly, her hands held out in front of her to stop herself from running into anything, and as her thighs brushed against the side of the bed she felt his hand slide easily into her own.

                ‘Come to bed,’ he said, his voice groggy. She sat on the edge and he lifted up the covers so that she could slide in next to him. He was impossibly warm and she snuggled up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

                ‘How long?’ she whispered after a little while.

                ‘Over a year,’ he replied but she didn’t hear the strain in his voice that she had expected. ‘James and Lily have had a sprog. They’ve made me godfather.’ He chuckle and she smiled a little.

                ‘What’s funny?’

                ‘It’s a horrible idea,’ he replied as he readjusted his arm around her. ‘Moony would have been a better choice but they insisted.’

                Georjaina was quiet as she thought. Though she still attempted to keep the memories from herself that she knew would bring her pain, she couldn’t help but image what Harry Potter, as a baby, looked like. She had never seen his image before but imagined he was as dark haired and untidy as his father.

                ‘I think you’ll do a good job,’ she said as she pressed her nose into his bare chest and closed her eyes.

                Sirius made a noise of acknowledgement but didn’t reply. She felt his breathing slow and his arms go slack around her, and she slid back from him a little so that she could watch his sleeping face. For a long time she lay there, her hands beneath her cheek as she memorized his features. She had watched him grow into that handsome face and it still made her cheeks burn a little when she thought about what it was like to have his eyes upon her.

                Their last encounter had felt like a break but it had been so long that she hardly expected him to still be upset. Nonetheless, she knew deep down that this wasn’t a renewal of what they had before. He might not even remember this is the morning, passing it off as a dream. She sighed and slid down into his arms again, resting her face in the crook of his neck. Barbara had been right; she hadn’t slept in days and the comfort of his warmth invited her in.

 

When she opened her eyes she was still lying down but with an aching stab in her chest she realized that the ceiling above her was her own. She frowned at it and then sat up slowly. The room around her was alight from the sunshine coming in through the windows and she slid off the bed. She padded into the living room, which was neat and tidy once more and in the kitchen she found a bit of parchment on the table. Barbara has scribbled out a note, telling her the rest of the casserole was still in the fridge and that she would be back later with more food.

                 Georjaina’s eyes slid from the note to the journal, which still lay on the table top. It looked rather lonely there.


	12. Chapter 12 - THREE DAYS LATER

THREE DAYS LATER

 

Georjaina’s footsteps echoed in her ears as she hurried along the marble floor, the beating pulses in time with her heart beat. She carried the stack of books she had borrowed last closely to her chest, a Visitor’s name badge pined to her shirt beside them.

                As she came into the quiet of the library she felt her panic quell a little and she carefully set the stack of books on the countertop. A woman who wore glasses much too large for her face approached her and she frowned as she looked through the books.

                ‘These are late,’ she said in a Welsh accent.

                ‘Yes, sorry. I hadn’t realized how long it had been,’ Georjaina replied, reaching into her pocket and pulling out several coins to pay the fee. ‘Is there somewhere here I can look at old newspapers? Preferably the _Profit?_ ’

                The woman looked for a moment as if she didn’t want to help her but then she nodded and directed her to the very back of the library. There she found a tall shelf filled with stacks upon stacks of papers; they ranged in colors the higher you looked and she noticed there seemed to be a magical force field hanging in front of them, but as she reached out to touch some and her hand easily went through, she realized it was only to keep out the dust.

                The shelves were labeled with months and years, and she scanned them slowly until she found November in 1981. Heart in her throat she carefully extracted the entire stack and carried it to a nearby table.

               

She had seen Sirius last just three days ago, when she visited him in the middle of the night, and she hadn’t jumped again since. The following day had been unbearable. Miserably, she sat and watched the clock, from midnight to midnight, knowing deep down that it wasn’t going to happen.

                Barbara stopped by several times, which meant that she did manage to eat a few times. The second day was a little better and she went about some of her normal routines. She soaked in a scorching hot shower and scrubbed her face until her skin ached in protest. That afternoon she left the house, unable to sit around and worry. She walked around the park and visited a few of her friends that she knew wouldn’t mind her quiet presence. She dreaded night, however, and avoided her bedroom all together, terrified of the idea of lying there for hours imagining his face.

                She thought about taking a draft for sleep but was nervous about what would happen when she did, because there was still that possibility at the back of her mind that she might jump again, at any moment, and she had to be ready when she did.

                On the third day she felt motivated enough to get herself breakfast and, without much thought about it, she took up the stack of books and left the house. She had Apparated into the designated safe area just outside the Ministry and then went inside through the Visitor’s Entrance.

                And now, as she sat at the quiet table with the stack of _Daily Profits_ in front of her, she felt a sense of determination that contrasted the anxiety rising in her chest. Slowly she slid into the seat, still staring at the stack, and the image on the front cover leapt out at her. It was a picture of James as she knew him, young and still in his Hogwart’s robe, a young woman with long hair at his side. They were grinning and embracing for the picture as some school function carried on in the background. Somewhere in her mind she remembered having seen this image before and it surprised her; when this paper had come out she was young enough not to follow such things and only heard about the story from word of mouth. Of course she had known what had happened, everyone did, but she didn’t read any details about it.

                James and Lily had been killed by Voldemort, who had come to murder Harry Potter. No one really knew why, though there was some speculation, and she scanned down the article to see if there was any more information regarding that.

                When she found nothing she turned to the next paper; the headline was large and happy, and there wasn’t an accompanying picture. The front article was all about the relief felt across the country and the beginning of the roundup of the Dark Lord’s followers after his apparent demise. She stared at the words, not really taking them in as waves of her own memories from this time washed over her…

                And then with a painful clunk the thoughts she had been avoiding fell into place. James and Lily had been in hiding, she remembered finding that out after the fact, and they had been betrayed by a close friend. The hairs on her arms stood on end as she grasped the end of the paper and then she turned it over quickly. The next paper was a special evening addition, from the same day, and the picture on the front grabbed her attention but she couldn’t bring herself to focus on his face.

                Without knowing what she was doing Georjaina stood, grabbed the three top papers and stuffed them into her bag. With shaking hands she returned the stack to its spot on the shelf and then walked quickly back out of the library. The librarian watched her go but didn’t comment.

                Again her footsteps echoed in her ears but it felt like she was flying. Every inch of her felt numb and heavy all at once. She hurried down the enormous main corridor and down a side one, feeling her chest start to convulse as she neared the Apparation area. She passed the check-in desk quickly, pushed through the doors, and then her legs gave way and she fell forward. Gasping for breath she managed to grab her bag to her firmly and she disappeared.

               

 

Barbara came through the front gate of Georjaina’s home, another casserole dish in her arms. She and the other ladies of the village had been speculating on the young girl lately. She used to show so much promise and fortitude but suddenly they found her in a downward spiral that none of them could explain. It had been too many years for it to be the death of her Aunt that was causing this depression and as she shut the gate behind her with a firm click she decided she would ask the girl about it outright.

                As she came up the path to the kitchen door there was suddenly a familiar popping sound and she instinctively looked to her right, watching as Georjaina appeared in the grass. Barbara set her dish down quickly and rushed forward because it was apparent that something was very wrong. Georjaina was lying face down in the grass and crying so hard that she could scarcely breathe.

 

 

After a while Barbara managed to get her inside the house and to the sofa in the living room. She brought her a blanket and tea, and then sat holding her hand and waiting for her to calm again. And once she did Georjaina told her everything, without Barbara having to ask. There was no one else for her to talk to about it and Barbara has always been kind and understanding.

                As her story continued the older woman began to frown. She seemed to have put things together much more quickly than Georjaina had, but she had also been an adult when these things had happened and therefore remembered them with more clarity.

                ‘I just don’t understand,’ Georjaina said as she sipped at her tea. ‘Was there a trial?

                ‘If there was one it wasn’t reported,’ Barbara replied, shaking her head. ‘There was such an uproar to collect all the Death Eaters that so many of them went to Azkaban with hardly any proof. And I wouldn’t put it past the Ministry to lock that young man away without question if it would ease the public about the death of Harry Potter’s parents.’

                Georjaina was frowning. ‘But…but he didn’t…I mean, I don’t know that he didn’t but he _couldn’t_ have…’ She closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing as she felt herself ease back from another panic attack. Eventually she opened her eyes again and looked at Barbara with errant tears sliding down her cheeks. ‘All this time I’ve spent with him, he’s been in Azkaban. He’s been there for _nine years_. For the first time I know where he is and I can’t…I can’t get to him. What if he…’

                She felt her breath catch as realization crashed down on her and she looked up at her old friend, her face red and wet, She squeezed the woman’s fingers, holding onto the only thing she could find.

                ‘I’m never going to see him again.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to slow down with posting as I've reached the point where I don't have much written after this. Again thank you all for sticking with me and for all the encouraging comments!


	13. Chapter 13 - THREE YEARS LATER

THREE YEARS LATER

 

Georjaina did not jump for an entire year before she finally decided to start moving on with her life. This was, of course, after a lot of encouragement from Barbara and their friends. She became aware of the fact that her friends consisted mostly of women old enough to be her grandmother and that they had been handed down to her from her Aunt Gina. Just like her house. She loved her home and her village, it was all familiar and comfortable, but she started to realize that it wasn’t actually hers. Every inch of her home, perhaps excepting her bedroom, was her Aunt, and she knew deep down that the woman wouldn’t want her to be stuck like that.

                And so she began by redecorating. It wasn’t much but Barbara saw the promise it held for her young friend. She moved some of the things that had remained in her bedroom, even after her Aunt’s passing, out into the main rooms; things that a child would keep in their own bedroom, such as books and blankets and decorations. And she spent weeks painting and fixing all the small faults in the home that she had become accustomed to just living with. Barbara pitched in when she could and she spent a lot of time teaching her to cook as well.

                Eventually Georjaina began to travel into the city again, preferring to take the train because she had the time to do so and because it allowed her observe other people that she wouldn’t have met in her village. It was on her fifth time heading into London that she decided to not get off the train at King’s Cross but instead see where it would take her. From there she began more journeys across the country, and even into Wales and Scotland. Her only restriction was the west.

 

 

Another year later, on a visit to Edinburgh, she visited a library at a local college and that is when she decided to go back to school. She remembered in her fifth year at Hogwarts, when she was advised about her classwork and how it pertained to the job she wanted, that the list of possible careers in the magical world seemed lacking to her. She certainly didn’t confine herself to reading the works of witches and wizards only, and at the college library that day she suddenly realized what interested her the most.

                She liked people and thought they were fascinating from an objective point of view, and so she enrolled in several courses for psychology and philosophy. Barbara had been surprised, and a little worried, when Georjaina told her of her revelation but she explained to that she wanted to learn what she could and then she would attempt to apply it in the magical world. The possibilities seemed endless.

 

 

In was the first day of August in 1993 when it happened, when the past finally came back with a sharp bite. Georjaina had an early class that day and she was on her way to meet a few friends for lunch before heading home. In her arms she carried two of her psychology texts and a library book about genetics and their relationship to mental traits. As she came down the sidewalk, the café in view, she noticed Paul and Allison were standing outside it, talking with their heads together. And as she neared she saw that there was a paper in their hands. The pictures on the paper were moving.

                As if she had been walking around with a sign above her head that labeled her a witch, Paul and Allison had found her in just her first week of classes. They too had felt the lack of opportunities available to them and had each strayed down their own Muggle path of study. After getting over her original reaction about the fact that they were American, she found them to be easy to talk to and that she really enjoyed their company. They were both a few years younger than her but she still felt that they were taking her under their wings. 

                ‘What’s going on?’ Georjaina asked as she came up to them, noticing they were both frowning.

                ‘A prisoner has escaped from Azkaban,’ Allison whispered, a deep crease in her brow. ‘That’s never happened before. Ever.’

                Georjaina felt a ringing in her ears at the mention of the prison and, as Paul turned the copy of the Profit for her to see the picture on the front page, she felt the ground shift uncomfortably beneath her. Allison said something and grasped her elbow but she was unable to focus on anything in particular. Rougher hands were suddenly on her and then she found herself sitting on a bench, her elbows resting on her knees as she leaned over and breathed. She closed her eyes for a long time and concentrated on pushing down the panic that was rising in her chest with force.

                ‘Are you alright?’ Allison’s face was near hers but still she couldn’t focus on her. ‘Do you need some water or something?’

                Georjaina managed to shake her head and she sat up a little. ‘No. No, I’m fine. I think I’m just….hungry.’ When she motioned to stand Paul helped her again and then offered her his arm. Allison put her hand on Georjaina’s other shoulder and they escorted her inside.

                They deposited her at a table and Allison slid onto the bench beside her while Paul went up to the counter for drinks.

                ‘Are you sure you’re alright?’ Allison asked, watching her friend with a weary look. ‘You’re so white.’

                ‘I...I forgot to eat breakfast this morning,’ Georjaina lied, giving her a tight smile. ‘It’s my fault. I do it all the time.’

                Paul had returned and he set a water down in front of her. ‘What do you want to eat?’

                Georjaina looked up at him, then past him at the board, but she found her vision was a little blurry. Allison took the hint at her hesitation.

                ‘Just get her a sandwich and chips. I’ll have the same.’

                Paul nodded and disappeared again.

                ‘Can I see the paper?’ Georjaina suddenly asked. Allison nodded and shuffled things around in her bag before finally pulling it out. Georjaina felt her stomach clench as she was finally able to focus on Sirius’ face. It was a different photo than the one they had printed when he was first imprisoned. His hair was longer, falling down over his shoulders, and dark sunken eyes looked out at her from the page. And he wasn’t resisting anymore, he just stared at a spot somewhere below the camera lens.

                She attempted to scan through the article but only words like _dangerous_ and _deranged_ leapt out at her.

                ‘Deranged?’ Allison said suddenly and Georjaina flinched. She hadn’t realized the other girl was reading over her shoulder. ‘I mean, yes, he looks a little crazy but how out of his mind can he be if he managed to escape that place?’

                She had a fair point. Georjaina set the paper down on the table, a sinking feeling in her chest as Paul returned with the baskets of food. She looked down at the sandwich in front of her, felt her stomach turn, and she stood quickly, rushing across the room to the lavatory.

                Allison waited about five minutes before following her. ‘Are you alright?’ she asked outside the stall where she could see Georjaina’s feet sticking out.

                ‘I think I should go home,’ Georjaina replied, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She came out of the stall and rinsed her face and mouth with water.

                ‘Do you want to take the train?’

                Georjaina shook her head at her. Allison nodded and took her arm again as they came back out to the table. Paul was waiting quietly, munching on a few chips, and when Allison told him what was going on he stood.

                ‘I’ll take her.’

                Allison nodded and watched them with a tight smile as Paul picked up Georjaina’s things and escorted her outside. He took her down the block, around the corner, and into a deserted alleyway. Georjaina thanked him quietly as he helped her gather her books firmly in her arms and he made sure she could stand on her own before stepping back to allow her to Apparate.

 

 

As soon as she landed in the garden at her home her books fell on the ground and she retched again into the grass. Shaking, she took several more minutes to concentrate on breathing, and she gathered her books once more and headed inside. She had hardly closed the door behind her before someone was pounding on it and she felt panic seize her. But then Barbara pushed her way inside, her own face covered in worry, and a paper in her hands.

                ‘I saw it,’ Georjaina replied as she sat at the table heavily. Barbara hesitated and the slid in beside her.

                ‘Are you alright, love?’

                She was quiet for a little bit as she thought about that question. ‘I don’t know.’

                Barbara sighed and looked down at the paper in her hands. ‘Are you…will you look for him?’      

                Georjaina looked over at her, her eyes dark. ‘I promised him that I would.’

                ‘But he could be dangerous! You don’t know if he’s innocent or not.’

                ‘Yes, I do!’ Georjaina replied, exasperated. They had had this conversation many times before. ‘He wouldn’t have done that to James. There’s no way.’

                Barbara tried not to let the pity she felt show on her face. ‘I know what you want to believe, and you have every right to do so, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s been in that horrible place for over a decade and who knows what that has done to him. Georjaina,’ she said, leaning forward and taking the girl’s hands. ‘He’s not going to be the person you remember.’

                Georjaina stared back at her, doubt on her face. She opened her mouth to reply but Barbara suddenly pulled her hand back with a hiss. They both looked down, watching as her right hand sparked.

                ‘I’m not ready yet!’ Georjaina gasped, panicked. She stood from the chair, still staring down at her hands in disbelief.

                ‘You’ll be alright. Just please be careful,’ Barbara said as she slid back from her, knowing that she could do nothing to stop her.

                Georjaina took in several short breaths and then forced herself to relax, knowing the anxiety would do nothing but make the jump worse. The image from the paper popped into her head, searing with panic and pain, and she pushed it away, instead suddenly remembering the bright smiling face of the boy she had known before. She fought to hold onto that image, willing herself to stay calm as she felt the floor tilt back and she fell.

 

 

The darkness she landed in seemed to fall upon her heavily and she sat in the grass for several minutes holding her head. It had been so long since she had last jumped she almost forgot what the repercussions felt like but they had come back with a vengeance. She could wait for her head to stop spinning but keeping the nausea back was difficult and she ended up on all fours dry heaving.

                There seemed to be no one around and all she could hear was the sound of the night time breeze blowing through the trees. When she was finally able to sit up she looked around, taking in the mass of forest before her. A few lights to her right caught her attention and as she stood she took in the familiar odd slopes of the roofs in the distance.

                Sudden realization hit her and she spun around, looking up at the dark shadow looming over her. All those years of being frightened of the Shrieking Shack had ingrained a deep warning inside her to stay away but then she remembered when she had been here last and who she had been with, and she rushed forward without another thought. 

                It was difficult to maneuver in the darkness on her own and she took some time to find the right window and to slip inside between the boards nailed across it. The entire house seemed to be creaking eerily in the breeze and she crossed her arms as she made her way slowly from room to room. She went past the living room where the trap door leading to Hogwarts was hidden beneath the rug and she came into the front hall. Something suddenly clunked above her head and she looked up the stairs wearily.

                Her stomached ached with anxiety as she debated continuing on. He had to be here, otherwise she wouldn’t have jumped to this place, but still…her wand was of no use to her and what if that wasn’t him upstairs? Or worse yet, what if it was him but he had become someone else, as Barbara had warned. She swore under her breath, wishing that she had had the sense to grab a knife before she had jumped.

                She sighed as she looked up the stairs again, telling herself that she had to decide. And with a determined nod she began her ascent.

                Her steps sounded loud to her with each step she took and she held onto the railing for strength, though it was covered in layers of dust and cob webs. Once on the landing she crossed her arms again and looked around, surprised that it was so easy to tell where the sound had come from. There were several doors spaced up and down the corridor but the one at the end was the only one that was partially open.

                Georjaina sighed, steeling herself as she came toward it, her fingers shaking as she pressed against the wood. Her ears were pricked, listening for any sounds that might give her warning if something was going to happen. Of course the door creaked loudly as she slowly pushed it open and she came into a dark, dusty bedroom. Tattered hanging on the windows swayed in the wind coming in between the boards across the windows.

                She thought about calling out to him but was still terrified she might be wrong and that he wasn’t there at all. She looked slowly around the room, thankful that her eyes had already adjusted to the darkness, and as she turned back toward the door with a sigh movement behind it caught her attention. She took an involuntary step back, gasping in surprise as a shadow moved toward her. Rough hands grasped her bare arms and she tried to pull away, but as she attempted to spin herself out of his grasp she felt something hard seer across the length of her forearm.

                Georjaina cried out in pain and stumbled out of his grasp and onto the floor. She looked down at her arm, at the long cut that marred it and the blood seeping out down her skin. She was vaguely aware that someone was still lingering above her and when she looked up again he made a strange noise and fell back as well.

                For a moment she had forgotten why she was here and who she was looking for, but as the man gaped at her, his face incredibly dirty and his dark hair hanging raggedly down to his elbows, she felt a tightness in her chest that nearly knocked the wind out of her. Something clattered loudly beside him and she realized he had thrown the knife from his hand.

                ‘Jaina?’ he whispered, his voice rough from obvious disuse.

                She nodded, her face hard, though it felt like her chest was going to explode with emotion.

                ‘Are…are you real?’ he asked, his eyes wide. She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, attempting to calm herself, and then slowly she sat up fully.

                ‘Yes, I’m real,’ she replied with confidence. ‘I’m real and I’m here.’

                He gasped out a sob, bringing his shaking fingers to his face. She felt a small inclination to approach him but still felt hesitant so she watched and waited for him to speak again.

                ‘I dreamt of you,’ he said through his tears, his throat tight. ‘So many times. I imagined you would come rescue me.’

                Georjaina frowned, her eyes burning. ‘I couldn’t have, you know that. I didn’t…I had no idea you were in that place until after I stopped jumping.’

                ‘When was that?’ he asked after a moment.

                She hesitated, unsure. His appearance was daunting and his voice rough and hard, but he didn’t sound any different than the boy she had known. At least not yet.

                ‘The last time I saw you was the last time I jumped. It was that night at the cottage, after Harry was born.’

                She saw the recognition in his eyes and she sighed, realizing there wasn’t much point in keeping anything from him anymore.

                ‘The twenty one days I jumped consecutively were in May of 1990. It’s been over three years since I’ve jumped.’

                He stared at her for a long time and she was grateful that he had stopped crying. She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.

                ‘I’m assuming…did you jump here?’ he asked and she nodded, frowning questionably. ‘I thought perhaps you had come here another way, that you had found out I had escaped and you came looking for me.’

                ‘Everyone knows you escaped, it’s in all the papers,’ she replied, shaking her head. ‘And it only happened yesterday.’

                ‘No, I…I’ve been traveling for some time, two months at least.’

                ‘But…’ Georjaina trailed off, looking down at the floor as she thought. ‘I jumped from August 1st. I’ve never jumped into the future before.’ She covered her mouth with her hands as she attempted to keep from laughing in shock. And when she looked up again she found he was staring at her with a strange look on his face.

                ‘I half thought I had made you up,’ he replied to the question in her eyes. ‘All those years…I didn’t just dream of you. You were there.’

                She swallowed thickly, her chest aching again. She knew she should be worried or even scared of him but she just couldn’t bring herself to it. But still, she had to know some part of the truth.

                ‘Sirius, you weren’t a Death Eater.’ It was really a question.

                ‘No,’ he replied with a bitter laugh. ‘You’ve got me there.’

                ‘And you weren’t responsible for what happened to James and his family?’ Again it didn’t really come out like a question but this time he hesitated. ‘Sirius?’

                ‘Not directly,’ he replied, clearing his throat nervously.  

                ‘What about all those Muggles?’

                He shook his head. ‘I wasn’t responsible.’

                Georjaina sighed, taking this in and thinking. She felt no inclination to distrust him but she decided to still be weary moving forward.

                ‘I still can’t believe I’ve jumped forward,’ she said after a little bit, shaking her head. ‘But this means…I know where you’ll be and when. I could come back here and help you, get you somewhere safe.’

                But Sirius was shaking his head. ‘Don’t come here,’ he replied, his voice hard. ‘I have something I have to do before anything else.’

                ‘Then let me help you,’ she replied, a note of anxiety in her voice.

                ‘It’s too dangerous. If you were caught with me they would throw you in Azkaban, no questions asked,’ he said, still shaking his head. And when she went to protest spoke over her. ‘They’ve sent the Dementors after me. They’re all over the grounds up at the school.’

                She felt a chill run down her spine and she bit her lip. ‘But this is the first chance we’ve ever gotten, the first time I’ve known when and where you are. I told you…I _promised_ I would come for you. I know you may not remember but-’

                ‘I remember,’ he cut her off, something dark flashing in his eyes. ‘Don’t act like that didn’t all happen to me too.’

                He could see her cheeks burning and he sighed, pushing the hair back from his face. ‘I have to do this. I have to take care of what is wrong and I’m not dragging you into this. This is one thing my imaginary friend can’t help with.’

Georjaina closed her eyes. She could feel her entire body shaking and she was trying so hard not to cry.

                ‘You have a life, right?’ he asked and she opened her eyes to look at him again. ‘You’ve moved on?’

                ‘Yes.’ It was all she could manage as a few tears leaked out onto her cheeks.

                ‘Then go back to it. Forget about me. I…I don’t know what’s going to happen but I don’t think it will be anything good. I need you to be safe, for me. Can you do that?’

                She stared at him for a long time, the ache in her chest worsening, and then she nodded.

                ‘Go home, Jaina.’ He stood carefully, his body obviously sore, and paced away from her.

                She covered her face with her hands, unable to look up at him, and then she felt her finger prick against her skin.

                ‘No,’ she said as she stood quickly. He was watching her hands and then he looked up into her face.

                ‘Promise me,’ he asked but she shook her head. ‘Please promise you won’t come here.’

                ‘ _No,_ ’ she replied, her voice strained as the floor tilted back and she slammed into one of the chairs at her kitchen table. She hadn’t been in a position to sit and instead hit it with her side before falling to the floor.

                Barbara came into the room quickly, drawn by the noise. ‘What’s happened?’

                Georjaina had rolled onto her back, gasping as she felt at her side, which seared in pain. Barbara noticed the blood dripping down her arm and she grabbed a tea towel quickly, kneeling down beside her. After a little bit Georjaina allowed the woman to feel her side.

                ‘They’re not broken, just bruised,’ Barbara said as she fingered Georjaina’s ribs softly. ‘I’m going to go grab a few things from Mrs. Pettle, though. She’ll know how to fix you right up.’

                Georjaina nodded and laid her head back on the floor. She knew as she watched Barbara hurry out the door that the other woman didn’t want to ask her about Sirius, about whether she had seen him or not. She didn’t want to know.  

 


	14. Chapter 14 - November 3rd, 1993

NOVEMBER 3RD, 1993

 

November in Scotland was as damp and chilled as she remembered. Georjaina reluctantly left the protection of one of the college’s large stone buildings and quickened her step across the grass, headed directly for the strain station. But suddenly a familiar voice called out to her from a distance, and she stopped and turned, readjusting the massive bag on her shoulder as she waited for Paul. Neither he nor Allison asked anything more about that day in August when she had been ill but she knew that they were aware of something more going on. They were her friends, of course, some of the best friends she had ever had, but jumping felt like something she was leaving behind and so she hadn’t told them about it or all that it entailed.

                Paul was surprisingly alone but he was smiling as he jogged casually up to her. He was tall and square, with too long blonde hair that fell into his eyes.

                ‘Where’s Allison?’ she asked instead of greeting him.

                ‘She had an extra-curricular,’ he replied, still smiling. And then he seemed to notice the bag on her shoulder. ‘Do you want me to carry that for you?’

                ‘No, I’m fine. I’m just headed home.’

                ‘Want to wait with me?’ he asked, not taking the hint. ‘We could get something to eat.’

                Georjaina sighed but then nodded, and before she could help it he slid the bag off her shoulder and onto his own. She wanted to protest but the sudden lack of its weight was a relief.

                ‘You know you could put a charm on this to make it lighter,’ he said as they walked, heading for the café they frequented a few blocks down. She pulled the collar up of her jacket and nodded. ‘Allison is the best at Charms, if you want her to help.’

                ‘It’s fine,’ she replied quietly and they walked the rest of the way in silence.

                Georjaina opened the door to the café for him, letting out some of the inviting warmth, and then she followed him gratefully inside. Along one wall was a continuous bench with tables dotted along it and as he went to set the bag down in fell onto its side, some of the contents slipping out the opening at the top. Georjaina rushed forward to grab them but Paul blocked her with his body as he lifted the bag back up on the seat. Even at her height he still towered over her. She could see he was hesitating as he grabbed some of the objects that had fallen out.

                ‘Are you…running away or something?’ he asked as he turned toward her, a wrapped sandwich in one hand and a Muggle torch in the other. She could see one of the blankets she had packed was still half hanging out of the bag.

                ‘I’m not running away,’ she replied with a huff, grabbing the objects from his hands and moving around him to stuff them into the bag. ‘I’m just...helping someone out.’

                Paul gave her an interested look but decided to back down when he saw the scowl on her face.

                ‘Right. You want the usual, then?’ he asked, conversationally, and when she nodded he went up to the counter alone.

 

 

Allison was much later than Paul anticipated so he agreed to help Georjaina get to the train station instead of continuing to wait and he carried her bag for her through the pouring rain. She ran ahead of him, wishing that her jacket had a hood and feeling the water soaking through her shoes, even though she avoided the puddles.

                She gave him a small smile and waved at him at the window because he had stayed to see her off, and she was grateful when the train hissed into life and he started to walk away. There wasn’t anyone sitting near her so she happily spread out, setting her bag on the seat across the aisle and fishing out a few of her books. For her philosophy class, which she now considered more of an extracurricular, she had to write a paper about a philosopher of her choosing. After looking at a suggestion list, the only name she recognized was Alan Watts, and that was only because Aunt Gina had kept an unopened book about him on her shelf at home. He was English and modern so she felt confident in her choice. She had only browsed through her books but now set to actually reading them, knowing it would make the several hour ride home go more quickly.

                About an hour in she was slunk down in the seat, her feet resting on the chair across the way, and as she reached over for her bottled water she felt something prick her finger. She hissed in pain, saw her right hand flash with a spark, and she nearly fell off the seat. Cursing under her breath she grabbed up everything she could manage and shoved them into the bag. She then heaved the bag onto her back, adjusting the strap so that it went across her chest, and as she leapt forward to grab her book she felt the train shove her up and she kept falling until she landed on hard wood.

                Again it was extremely dark around her and she lay face down for several minutes, gasping from hitting the floor so hard. There was a loud repetitive sound that she couldn’t quite comprehend and then she heard Sirius growl in anger.

                ‘I thought I told you not to come back here,’ he snapped as he came down the stairs the rest of the way. She had landed in the vestibule of the Shrieking Shack.

                Georjaina pushed the bag off her back and then rolled over so that she could breath. ‘It’s not…like I have a choice,’ she replied between breathes. ‘I can’t stop from jumping.’

                He had come to stand over her, a scowl on his face. He waited until she sat up and then he kicked the bag with his toes. ‘What’s this then?’

                She tried to keep the guilt from her face. ‘It’s for you.’

                ‘But you promised you weren’t coming back,’ he replied.

                ‘I did no such thing,’ she said as she stood, brushing some of the dirt off her. He was still frowning at her and she huffed. ‘Look, I packed that shortly after the last time I saw you and I’ve been carrying it around ever since. But I’ve made sandwiches nine times so I thought that if I didn’t jump today I would just come here and leave it outside the door or something.’

                He had been watching her silently, angry as she talked, but then suddenly his face softened. ‘Did you say there is food in there?’

                Georjaina sighed. ‘Yes. Let me at least take it upstairs.’

                ‘I’ll do it,’ he replied, pushing past her and throwing the bag up onto his shoulder.

                She hesitated as he approached the stairs but then he looked back at her, giving her a small smile, and she hurried to follow him. She was a little slower than him, her eyes not fully adjusted to the darkness yet, and by the time She made it to the bedroom upstairs he already had one of the sandwiches open and was eating it quickly. She noticed he turned his back when she came into the room, as if embarrassed.

She sighed and went over to where he dropped the bag, beginning to pull out its contents. Sirius turned to watch her and she handed him another sandwich.

‘I brought you a couple blankets,’ she said as she refolded them and set them on the end of the bed. ‘There’s also this; it’s called a torch and you turn it on by pushing this button.’ She showed him the long, metal cylinder and when she turned it on he only looked half surprised.

‘There’s also a pack of matches, some bottles of water, several more sandwiches, and a couple containers of fruit.’

‘What’s this?’ he asked, bending down to pick up a book that had fallen when she pulled the blankets out.

‘Oh. It’s my favorite,’ she replied, ducking her head a little. ‘I thought you might need something to do.’

Sirius sighed, fingering the book as he thought. She was the only person he had to talk to right now and he had chastised her for coming.

‘I won’t be able to eat all the fruit before it goes bad,’ he said suddenly. ‘You should have some with me.’

She turned with a slight frown, watching as he grabbed one of the blankets and spread it out on the floor. She hesitated and then went to sit as he pulled back a few of the ragged curtains from the windows to let a little more moonlight in.

‘I didn’t know what you would like,’ she said as she popped open the containers and he sat beside her on the blanket. ‘I realized we had only ever had breakfast and chips together.’

‘ I wasn’t picky then and I certainly am not now,’ he replied with a small smile. She visibly relaxed and then took of a strawberry, taking a small bite as she watched him.

‘What is it?’ he asked after a little while once he couldn’t take her staring any longer.

‘There’s so many things I want to ask you,’ she replied and she saw a dark shadow pass over his eyes. ‘Not about...Azkaban.’

He looked up at her when she said that word, suspicion on his face. ‘What then?’

She hesitated as she picked out another strawberry. ‘What were you doing that day, when you were young and you fell in the river?’

He hesitated, surprised. ‘I was trying to show off for my brother, climbing on the outside of the railing,’ he replied, the smallest grin in the corner of his mouth. ‘I wanted him to think that I was amazing.’

He had begun to unwrap his third sandwich and she watched him quietly, hoping he would continue.

‘Of course now I realize he would’ve thought that no matter what I had done. But my mother was already whispering words of mistrust and doubt to him about me.’

‘When you were six?’ she asked, frowning.

Sirius shrugged. ‘I was already turning out to be a disappointment to them. I think that she was trying to goad me into it a little, knowing that his opinion of me mattered to me, but it had the opposite effect.’ He hesitated with a sigh; it had been a very long time since he thought about any of these things. ‘I remember a time when I wanted to be the child they wanted me to be but every time I failed at it it became more and more clear that I would never be that person. And eventually I stopped caring altogether.’

He looked up at her and he knew what the look on her face meant.

‘Well...I tried not to care anymore,’ he consented and she nodded.

‘You know she’s gone, right? It was in the paper.’

‘I didn’t. But it doesn’t surprise me,’ he said. ‘I didn’t think she would survive long after I shamed her by getting myself thrown into prison.’

Georjaina stared at him, unsure, and then he snorted out a laugh and a smile spread across her face. They ate for a little bit in silence, the feeling around them much more content than it had been before.

‘I know it was a long time ago but I still have something to say,’ she started after a little bit and he looked up at her again intently. ‘I’m so very, very sorry about James.’

He nodded, ducking his head a little. ‘You knew, didn’t you?’ He asked quietly.

She hesitated, her throat tight. ‘Sort of but not at first. It was a while before I even realized it was him,’ she said, her words coming quickly, an edge of panic to them. ‘But even if I had known there wasn’t much-‘

‘Jaina, it’s fine,’ he cut her off, pressing his hand to her arm. ‘I know you couldn’t have stopped what happened. That wasn’t your responsibility.’

She stared at him for a long moment and he sighed.

‘I’ve had a lot of time to think about all this,’ he said and he felt her slide her hand atop his own.

‘How can you be so rational about all this but still be so set on doing whatever this dangerous thing is that you’re doing?’

‘It’s not that simple,’ he replied, shaking his head.

‘Then tell me why,’ she said, squeezing him fingers.

Sirius sighed again, searching her face as if he needed inspiration for courage, and then he told her the entire story. She knew there was a lot missing from her knowledge, things that the newspapers hadn’t been able to adequately fill in, but she had never imagined so much had happened in his young life. It looked as though it pained him to say some things out loud but there was also definite relief on his face as he said some things for the first time.

‘You never mentioned Peter,’ she said quietly when he seemed to have finished with his story.

‘That’s because he wasn’t my…’ He cut himself off with a shake of his head. ‘I didn’t consider him my friend. He was just this kid that kept following us around and James and Remus indulged him. But perhaps if I had-‘

‘No.’ This time she cut him off, taking his hand again. ‘You can’t put that on yourself. Nothing that you did or didn’t do to him made him betray you all.’

He looked into her face again, at the familiarity of her features, and he felt some of the weight ease from his chest.

‘Either way,’ he said, pulling his hand back slowly. ‘I have to make this right. James...he can’t, so I have to. For us both.’

It was with difficulty that Georjaina managed to nod her head and she gave him a tight smile. Sirius had picked up the torch and flicked it on and off a few times to distract himself.

‘While we’re on the subject of past grievances,’ he said after a little while, desperate to get away from the subject. ‘I have to apologize for the situation with Laura.’

‘No you don’t,’ she replied, shaking her head, and he gave her a look.

‘Yes, I do. I was young and cocky and being a complete dolt.’

‘Sirius, you wronged her, not me,’ she said and he looked surprised. ‘I was never upset about that, so I don’t know why you think you need to apologize.’

‘Well, because I thought...I thought that you…’ Even in the semi darkness she could see the color on his cheeks.

‘What, that I loved you?’ she asked and when he looked up at her hopefully she chuckled. ‘Of course I did. But that doesn’t mean I expected you to not live your life when I wasn’t there. I only visited a few times a year. That’s not exactly grounds for a stable relationship.’

He was nearly ten years her senior now but the face she saw staring back at her was still that of the young man who, every time she came around, was left feeling like he had nothing figured out as he thought he had. Again she reminded herself there was no use hiding things any more, no fear of giving false hope where there was none.

‘If I had been there, all the time, I would have expected more,’ she continued, her own cheeks burning a little. ‘I would have wanted more.’

Sirius leaned forward a little and grasped her hand. ‘If you had been there all the time I would have married you.’

Surprised, she laughed aloud and he grinned back at her. He noticed there was a glaze to her eyes as she wrapped her arms around him but he wasn’t sure what the tears where from. He felt incredibly skinny in her embrace and it made her chest ache. Sirius had felt a little hesitant about the hug but she felt so warm and full of life that he gave into it, for at least a few moments.

‘Your hair is ridiculous,’ she chuckled when she pulled back again.

‘You don’t like it?’ he asked, holding up some of his tangled locks. ‘It’s starting to grow on me. I thought you might braid it for me.’

Georjaina laughed again and Sirius’ face hurt from smiling so much after not doing it for such a long time.

‘You are still the most frustrating and infuriating man I’ve ever met,’ she said, her cheeks still red.

‘Why? What have a done this time?’ he teased, watching as she wiped at the tears on her cheeks.

But suddenly the mirth had disappeared from her face. ‘For so long we’ve been kept apart by time and this… _thing_ , whatever it is. But now I finally know where to find you, when you need help the most, and it’s _you_ keeping me away.’ Her throat was tight and there was so much emotion in her words that he had to look away for a little bit. All this time had passed and she still obviously cared for him, which felt wholly unexpected and even strange. But all the same, he still cared for her as well and he knew he had to give her something.

‘Every time you ask it weakens my resolve,’ he said quietly as he looked back into her face.

‘Then I will ask you over and over again, every time I see you,’ she replied, taking his hand when he offered it.

Sirius sighed and scrubbed his face with his other hand. ‘I can’t promise you anything.’

‘I know,’ she whispered, nodding her head.

‘But you _must_ promise that you’ll stay away, Georjaina,’ he replied and she looked startled; that was the first time she thought she had ever heard him use her full name. ‘I know you already said no but I’m asking again. On top of everything else, everything that I’ve lost, I need to know that you’re safe. Can you please do that for me?’           

She looked into his face, her eyes roaming over the sallow, gaunt lines of his cheeks and the dark circles beneath his eyes, and she realized that she still couldn’t say no to him.

‘Alright. I promise.’

He gave her a tight smile. ‘Thank you for bringing the bag.’

‘Is there anything else you need?’ she asked and then quickly added, ‘In case I jump again?’

He had been frowning at her but then his face softened slightly. ‘No. Well…food is always nice.’

‘I can do some more sandwiches,’ she replied with a smile and then she pulled her hand back with a hiss. He sighed as he watched the spark flash in the dark room. ‘Please be careful.’

He nodded, unable to reply as he watched her slide back from him. He couldn’t even manage another smile as he waited for her to vanish and then she was gone.


	15. Chapter 15 - December 24th, 1993

DECEMBER 24TH 1993

 

Georjaina had not had a full size tree in her home since her Aunt Gina had passed. She didn’t really want to even put one up this year but Barbara and a few of the other ladies came round one day with boxes full of Christmas decorations, insistent that the holidays would help cheer her up. She had half expected to feel better than she had in years now that she knew he was alive and okay but dark thoughts still plagued her, especially at night. What if he was hurt and she wasn’t there to help? What if he disappeared again? What if she stopped jumping suddenly?

                Several times over the months she had sat on the edge of her bed, a jumper in her hand, readying herself to go banging down the door of the Shrieking Shack and forcing her assistance on him, whatever that may mean, but there was always a sharp warning that reminded her of when he asked too much when he was younger. She was afraid of interfering too much and pushing him away, or else distracting him to the point that he got hurt because of it.

                Whatever it was he was doing seemed extremely important to him and she knew deep down that she didn’t have the right to force him to do anything. So she attempted to go about her life. She made sandwiches regularly and kept them in a much smaller bag on her shoulder. She even found an excellent charm that cooled the inside of the bag and allowed her to keep the sandwiches and other small items of food fresh for days longer. Even still, it got to the point of ridiculous and she decided that the next time she jumped she was going to tell him, no matter what he said, that she was going to leave food for him in the woods outside the Shack.

 

 

Georjaina sat at the kitchen table alone on Christmas Eve, watching the small tree she had decorated hover and spin slowly a few inches from the table top. She had turned all the other house lights off so that she could appreciate the fairy lights hidden amongst the pine needles as they winked and blinked at her in passing. A soft knock on the front door roused her and she frowned, thinking that it couldn’t be Barbara, who always used the kitchen door.

                ‘It’s us,’ she heard a male voice call as she approached the door and she sighed in relief, pulling it open for Paul and Allison. They were heavily bundled up, their arms full of different packages and bags.

                ‘We’re never taking the train again!’ Allison exclaimed as she came in and she went straight to the kitchen.

                ‘She begged me to get off at almost every station and just Apparate,’ Paul told Georjaina as he bent down to kiss her cheek. ‘Sorry we’re unannounced.’

                ‘I don’t mind,’ Georjaina replied with a small smile. She hadn’t expected them but found their presence was most welcome. She shut the door again as Paul followed his girlfriend into the next room and when she joined them she found Allison had already made herself at home. The lights were back on, she had shed her winter clothing onto one of the chairs, and she was unwrapping several dishes of food.

                ‘I just ate,’ Georjaina said as she came to the other girl’s side.

                Allison gave her a look. ‘You look like you could eat some more.’

                Paul tried to hold his grin back as he removed his own coat. They hadn’t been to the house in months and she could see he was subtly taking everything in around him. Georjaina silently went into her bedroom and returned several moments later with two wrapped packages.

                ‘I was going to bring these to you later,’ she said, handing them to Paul.

                ‘Under the tree!’ Allison snapped when she saw he was about to open them. She grabbed one of the bags she had brought in and pulled out a few more packages, sliding them onto the table.

                Georjaina sighed but she was smiling as she went to sit at the table again. If Allison was in the kitchen there was no point in attempting to do anything to help.

 

 

An hour later they were all sitting together in the living room, Georjaina and Allison on the couch, and Paul seated on the floor between them. She had opened up a few bottles of wine and they were snacking on some of the crackers and cheese Allison had brought. The lights were off again but the fire burning in the grate across the way lit the room well.

                ‘Have you heard from your families recently?’ Georjaina asked, her cheeks warm from the wine.

                Allison shook her head. ‘We told them not to expect us home for two years, even on holidays.’

                ‘She likes planes as much as she likes trains,’ Paul said as explanation, sharing a look with Georjaina.

                ‘If I could Apparate across the ocean I would,’ Allison replied, popping a square of cheese into her mouth.

                ‘Do you have any family?’ Paul asked Georjaina and she hesitated. She had told them about her Aunt Gina and had mentioned her parents in passing, but she knew he wasn’t referring to them.

                ‘Not really, no.’ She saw Paul exchange a look with Allison and she looked between the two of them questionably. ‘What is it?’

                ‘We’re your friends, remember,’ Allison started, distracting herself as she swirled her wine around in her glass. ‘So you can’t think we didn’t notice what you were upset about that day in August, when we saw the paper about that prisoner that escaped.’

                Georjaina hesitated again, taken aback. She had thought that if they were going to bring that up they would have done so months ago. Judging by their behavior they had spoken about it amongst themselves, probably on several occasions. She looked down at her wine glass suspiciously, wondering if this entire thing had been a ploy to loosen her up.

                ‘I know him, alright?’ she snapped a little, figuring there was no use denying it. ‘It was just a really big surprise, that’s all.’

                ‘Are you related to him?’ Paul asked.

                ‘No. But I’ve known him…most of his life.’

                Allison frowned at her. ‘That was a really weird thing to say.’

                Georjaina stared back at her but didn’t reply. If she told them more she would have to tell them everything.

                ‘But you’re okay, right?’ Paul asked after a little bit and she looked back to him instead. He wasn’t usually very tactful but he always seemed to be more perceptive of her feelings when Allison started to get pushy.

                Georjaina sighed. ‘I’m fine,’ she replied, taking a long drink from her glass. It made her head feel light.

                ‘What was that?’ Allison gasped and Georjaina frowned over at her. ‘Your hand!’

                This time she felt the spark and she dropped her glass; it bounced off the couch and onto the floor, the rest of her wine splashing across the rug. Georjaina stood quickly and backed away from them.

                ‘I, uh…I’ll be back,’ she said quickly. ‘I don’t know when but don’t worry.’ She felt her stomach give a nasty lurch as the floor began to tilt. She glanced up, looking from one to the other of their worried faces, and she tried to smile as she fell back…

                She hit the floor hard, her head spinning, but she thankfully didn’t feel sick. She knew where she was before she even looked around. The entire Shack smelled of dust and old, moldy fabric. She coughed several times, attempting to catch her breath as the dust swirled up around her, and then she sat up.

                At first she thought she was alone but as she stood, her eyes beginning to adjust to the darkness, she noticed a large bump in the middle of the bed across the room. Smiling slightly she approached it and found Sirius was fast asleep, only part of his face visible from beneath one of the blankets she had brought him. This reminded her forcefully of the last time she had jumped three years ago but she didn’t feel the same inclination to slip in beside him. So many things had changed, they were both so different now, and she wondered vaguely if he was capable of such affection anymore.

                She looked around the room wearily, wondering if she should just leave but that felt like a waste. It was much colder in here than the last time she had come and she grabbed the second blanket she had brought him, which was laying folded at the end of the bed, and she moved to pull it up over him as well. But as she did so he mumbled something that sounded like her name.

                ‘What?’ she whispered, leaning toward him. ‘Sirius, are you awake?’

                She saw his leg kick out from the corner of her eye but he didn’t open his eyes and she put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

                ‘Sirius?’

                He gasped awake with a shout, his arms flailing about. She tried to back away but wasn’t fast enough and she heard him growl out a curse as the back of his hand made contact with the side of her face and she toppled over onto the floor.

                ‘Get away from me!’ he shouted, sounding half mad as he slid off the other side of the bed and crouched down behind it.

                Georjaina stayed down where she had fallen, feeling her chest grip in fear as she held the side of her aching face. She could hear his fast breathing and his legs shifting on the floor as he looked around the room.

                ‘Who’s there?’ he growled, his voice rough. She heard him slide something off the side table and panic seared through her as she realized it was probably the knife. ‘I will find you!’

                She thought fast, her mind racing with emotions and panic. He had seemed so sensible the last two times she had visited him but what if he really had become unhinged in that awful place and he was only putting on a face before. She attempted to sit up but gasped in pain as her head throbbed from the movement.

                He must have heard her because there was more scuffling from his side of the bed and then came the sound of his footsteps, meaning that he had stood. She backed into the wall when she heard his approach and it was several moments after he stopped before she looked up again. Sirius was standing over her, the knife still in his hand and a strange, hard look on his face.

                ‘You’re real,’ he said and it wasn’t really a question. He kept staring down at her as he repeated the words a few times and then he took a step forward and she scrambled back from him. He stopped short again, realization flashing across his face, and then he tossed the knife onto the bed. ‘Jaina?’

                She was still holding her head, her knees pulled up to her chest as she looked up at him. He was frowning as he hesitated and then knelt down in front of her.

                ‘Did I hurt you?’ he asked quietly. She could feel herself shaking and she still didn’t really want him close but as she looked into his face and she saw the guilt and sorrow there, she slowly lowered her hand.

                ‘I’m okay,’ she replied.

                Sirius bowed his head, shaking it. ‘I thought…I still think all the time that I’m still there. I dream about it every night.’ He looked up at her again, his eyes dark. ‘Sometimes when I saw you there you said…horrible things to me. That you hated me, that you didn’t want to see me again, that you wished you had let me drown…’

                Georjaina closed her eyes for a moment, willing herself not to cry. The way he spoke about it….it wasn’t like he dreamt of her or imagined her there, he actually thought she had been there. She had actually been his imaginary friend.

                ‘I would never say those things,’ she replied, sitting up a little more. ‘You know that.’

                He nodded and looked down again. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I hurt you and I’m sorry that I cut you before.’

                She didn’t reply. Instead she concentrated on taking long, slow breaths to calm herself, looking around. ‘When is this?’

                ‘I think the end of January. They started to take down the Christmas lights in the village,’ he replied, looking grateful that she had changed the subject.

                She nodded. ‘It’s my Christmas Eve. Our time lapse is getting shorter.’

                He looked a little surprised as he realized this as well and then she saw he was looking around her for something.

                ‘I didn’t bring the bag,’ she explained. ‘There wasn’t time, I’m sorry.’

                ‘That’s alright. I’ve been managing.’

                He didn’t look like it, not to her anyway, but she didn’t comment. She didn’t feel so determined to tell him she would bring him food anymore.

                ‘How are…things going?’ she asked hesitantly.

                He looked up at her for a long time. ‘I’ve managed to get into the castle twice.’

                ‘What? I didn’t…’ She stopped herself, trying not to push it too far. He hadn’t told her much about what he was actually going to do and she assumed that was for a reason.

                ‘Couldn’t you…try to talk to Harry about it? Approach him outside the school?’

                Sirius shook his head. ‘I’m a convicted murderer; all those kids know what my face looks like. And I’ve already scared him showing up as the dog.’

                She frowned at him. She suddenly felt the impulse to demand that he let her help him but knew it would just result in another fight. She reminded herself that their time was precious, now more so than ever.

                ‘This just…it seems ridiculously careless and unnecessary,’ she said and he frowned at her. ‘I mean it. I’m sorry but I can’t tell you that what you’re doing is a smart thing.’

                ‘That doesn’t mean it’s unnecessary,’ he grumbled.

                ‘Can you promise that no one is going to get hurt?’

                ‘No. But I can’t promise they won’t if I don’t do anything either,’ he replied, scrubbing his face with his hand. ‘I’m the only person in the world that knows about Peter. What am I supposed to do if he tries to hurt Harry or one of his friends? What if he does something to the family of that boy he’s been staying with? All of it would be my fault.’

                She watched his silently, thinking, and he could tell she was loosening her defensives.

                ‘Alright. I get it, you _have_ to do this.’ She sighed and closed her eyes, running a hand through her hair. She looked at him again when she heard him slide closer to her. He hesitated, watching her face for a reaction as he reached out for her chin. She let him, feeling his rough fingers against her skin as he turned her head a little and then he reached up to push the hair away from her temple. Even in the dim light the skin there was still angry and red.

                ‘It’s alright,’ she said. She had been watching his face as he cringed and she reached up to take his hand, pulling it away from her face. ‘I’ll survive.’

                ‘I never wanted to hurt you,’ he whispered.

                ‘I know. But we can’t help it, can we?’

                They stared at each other for a long time in silence and then she felt her left hand prick.

                ‘See you soon,’ she whispered and he nodded, and then she fell back away from him.

 

The first thing she heard when she landed on the floor was Allison’s shout of surprise, followed by the sound of Paul’s heavy footsteps coming from the kitchen.

                ‘Where did you go?’ Allison demanded of her as Paul helped Georjaina to stand.

                She gave him a tight smile of thanks and she sighed as she brushed some of the dust from her sleeves.

                ‘Did you hit your head?’ Paul asked, noticing the dark spot near her temple.

                ‘That wasn’t Apparation!’ Allison snapped, annoyed that she was ignoring her original question. ‘And what was happening with your hands?’

                Georjaina looked between the two of them and felt the urge to laugh. They were both staring at her with matching expressions of surprise and shock on their faces.

                ‘She must have hit her head,’ Allison said to Paul, suddenly looking worried as Georjaina chuckled and then began to laugh outright. Her head was swimming a little as she felt Paul take her shoulder and steer her to the couch. They sat on either side of her, still looking at her expectantly, and when she was finally able to calm down again she happily told them everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are changing a lot in the way the story is happening and being written so I welcome any feedback at all. As always, thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16 - May 31st, 1994

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is short but sweet, and I hope it makes someone smile.

MAY 31st 1994

 

‘Hold still, won’t you?’ Sirius grumbled. He was bent down in the tall grass attempting to tie his letter to a small, grey owl who kept hooting happily and attempting to fly in his excitement. Buckbeak the Hippogriff stood behind them, snapping his beak in impatience and pawing at the ground with his hoof. Sirius guessed he was tired of standing around in all the wind that was blowing up the hills from the beach and across the field they stood in.

                After several more attempts he was able to get a good knot in the string around the owl’s leg and he picked him back up with both hands.

                ‘You’re taking this to Harry Potter, remember?’ he said, holding the small bird down because he was attempting to fly again. Buckbeak had turned his great head away from them as if the site of the owl annoyed him. ‘He’s probably not made it to London yet but you have to hurry.’

                Sirius frowned as he looked down at the owl; he would be lucky if he even made it that far let alone delivered it to the right person.

                ‘Alright. Off you go.’ He brought his hands up quickly to help him take off; the owl rose into the air and then fell back down several feet before finally remembering his wings and fluttering them like mad. Buckbeak came up beside Sirius, who was watching the owl disappear into the grey sky, shaking his head as he patted the Hippogriff’s neck.

                Distant sounds had been carrying to them on the wind for a while now but when someone suddenly shouted in alarm he could tell it was close. Sirius spun around and then ducked below Buckbeak’s head to see. His face was all surprise and bewilderment, but then a grin spread across his features.

                ‘What is that?!’ Georjaina cried from her place in the grass where she had fallen back.

                ‘He’s a Hippogriff. Haven’t you ever seen one?’ he asked with a chuckle.

                ‘Only in books,’ she replied as she stood up and Buckbeak snapped his beak testily.

                ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa,’ Sirius said as he rushed to Georjaina’s side and put his arm around her shoulders. ‘Buckbeak, this is Jaina. She’s a friend.’

                But the Hippogriff had raised his massive head haughtily and he was looking down at them with a sharp expression.

                ‘You’re going to have to bow to him,’ Sirius told Georjaina and she looked over at him, alarmed.

                ‘What?’

                ‘Make eye contact and bow to him,’ he replied. ‘Otherwise he might attack you.’

                He saw her face go a little pale but she nodded and then turned back to the creature. He was pawing the ground again and he clipped his sharp beak once more. Georjaina let out a long, slow breath, attempting to look up into the dark, unblinking eyes, and then she did the last thing she felt like doing at the moment; she bent over and exposed the back of her neck. She saw the Hippogriff’s feet begin to retreat and then he bent his head down to root around in the grass.

                ‘Alright, that’s good enough.’ Sirius suddenly pulled her up into an embrace and, though surprised, she hugged him back happily. But it was a long time before he let her go and worry slipped down into her stomach.

                ‘What is it?’ she asked before she even got a look at his face and when he pulled back she was surprised to find he was still smiling.

                ‘I’ve done it,’ he replied, still holding onto her shoulders with both his hands. ‘Harry is safe and he knows the truth.’

                Georjaina smiled at him but as she opened her mouth to congratulate him he cut her off.

                ‘And I have to run now.’

                ‘What?’ she asked, suddenly frowning.

                Sirius sighed and ran one of his hands over his face. ‘We have no way of proving to the Ministry that I am innocent, so the Dementors are still looking for me.’

                She was staring at him and he readjusted his grip on her shoulder, as if he needed something solid to hold onto.

                ‘So I’m going to run away and…and I want you to come with me.’

                Her eyes were suddenly bright, though she was still staring at him in disbelief. The wind was blowing her hair about her wildly and he thought for a moment that it probably illustrated the way her mind was racing right now.

                ‘Are you serious?’ she asked and he grinned at her, his face suddenly losing ten years’ worth of stress and depression.

                ‘Always.’

                Georjaina laughed in surprise and then she nodded quickly. ‘What, now? Are we going now?’

                ‘Not _now,’_ he replied with a chuckle. ‘You’re not really here right now.’

                She laughed again and then looked at him expectantly.

                ‘I saw a paper in a village earlier today; it’s June 11th. Meet me tomorrow after the sun goes down in Wessex,’ he said and she nodded. ‘Don’t go to the house. Just meet me in the field by the woods. And pack light.’

                ‘Of course!’ she replied, nodding again. ‘Do you…do you need me to bring you anything?’

                Sirius stared at her for a moment, thinking fast. ‘Could you get me a wand?’

                ‘Yeah, I think so.’

                He looked down at himself for a moment. ‘And some clothes?’

                She smiled at him and he pulled her forward to hug her again. He still felt so thin in her arms but she held him warmly as she watched the hippogriff over his shoulder.

                ‘Are you bringing him too?’ she asked as they broke apart and Sirius looked back at Buckbeak as well.

                ‘Yes. He helped save me,’ he replied. ‘I have to take care of him and besides, he can help us get places quickly.’ He looked back at her with a smile and he could see the mixture of emotions on her face.

                ‘I…’ she started, shaking her head and he grasped her hand, squeezing her fingers tightly.

                ‘I know.’

                There was a sudden sheen to her eyes and she looked away from him, instead taking in the view of the cliffs and the glistening ocean beyond them.

                ‘Is this Cornwall?’ she asked and he laughed.

                ‘You are clever, aren’t you?’

                She smiled back at him. He hadn’t sounded his joyful and free in a very long time.

                ‘Don’t go getting yourself hurt before tomorrow, alright?’ she said when she felt her right hand prick.

                He nodded as he watched her hand spark.

                ‘I’ve waited a long time for this,’ she continued and he looked back into her face.

                ‘I’ve waited longer,’ he replied with a smile and she held onto the image of his face as she felt the ground tilt back.

                Sirius waited until she was gone and then he turned away, facing the wind and closing his eyes, concentrating on breathing alone. It was a habit he had picked up from her.


	17. Chapter 17 - June 12th, 1994

JUNE 12TH 1994

 

 

Georjaina was awake to watch the sun rise, her chest full of warmth and expectation. She had waited eleven days for today and, though that wasn’t long in the grand scheme of things, it had felt like an eternity of worry and excitement. She felt as though she had used her time wisely; she put off packing until later but instead set to making lists of everything she thought they would need and then gathering all the items together.

                She made a special trip to Diagon Alley, where she was able to purchase a lot of what she didn’t already have. She was nervous that Mr. Olivander would be suspicious when she stopped in to buy a wand but he asked no questions, and she half thought he might know what it was that she was doing, though he would never say anything. She spent some time at the apothecary, browsing through the different ointments and remedies. She didn’t know where they were going or what dangers they might encounter but wanted to feel like she would be prepared for anything.

                Sirius had said to pack light but she had always been rather good at expansion spells and she therefore didn’t worry about it. On June 11th she made them a heap of sandwiches and set to packing everything at once, checking the items off the list as they went into her bag. She tried not to think about what she knew was happening today; jumping into the future instead of the past came with a whole new set of strange feelings and awkward situations. She could Apparate and meet herself is she wanted but she knew that she actually wouldn’t because that hadn’t happened. This day in her future had already happened in her past. It was confusing and unlike anything she had experienced before.

                She also waited until the very end to tell everyone. She knew Allison and Paul would be concerned but understanding, but Barbara reacted just as she thought she would.

                ‘ _Where_ are you going?’ she had asked, reaching across the table to grip Georjaina’s hand, an edge of panic in her voice. ‘How can you not know?’

                ‘Because I don’t think he knows either,’ Georjaina explained, placing her other hand on top of the woman’s comfortingly. ‘But it has to be far away from here. And I don’t know for how long it will be either.’

                Barbara stared at her in silence for a long time, her brow furrowed. ‘Are you _sure_ this is safe?’

                ‘I don’t know. But it’s how we’re going to keep him safe.’

                ‘That’s not what-‘

                ‘I know what you meant,’ Georjaina cut her off, trying not to snap. ‘He’s not going to hurt me. I know what he’s been through and I know that he’s changed but…but he still needs me. He needs me more than he ever has.’

                Barbara was shaking her head slowly. ‘Letting you go without a fight feels like I’m not keeping my promise to Gina,’ she said quietly.

                Georjaina sighed and ducked her head for a moment. ‘I know how this sounds but it’s going to be alright. We will be fine, I promise. And you can fight me all you want but I’m still going.’

                She had little else to say after that. They embraced, Barbara left, and then she showed up again hours later with more casserole.

                ‘You can’t take my dish,’ she said as she set it on the counter, tears in her eyes. Georjaina gave her a tight smile and hugged her again.

 

 

Georjaina spent the day at home, feeling peaceful and resolute. She checked and double checked every room, making sure she didn’t forget anything or leave anything in a dangerous situation, and then she sat out on the back steps for a long time, sipping at a cup of tea and watching the sun slowly descend through the sky. There was an unfamiliar quiver of excitement in her chest; or, at least, she thought it was excitement, because she also felt nervous, scared, and ridiculously happy all at once. She thought about the first day they had met, over three years ago, about how he had crashed into her life when she was already relevant in his. She hadn’t foreseen any of this and was somehow grateful that she hadn’t known.  It had to be experienced, otherwise she might second guess her every move and let herself realize how insane what she was doing right now actually was.

                As the light began to dim, the crickets chirping in anticipation of the night that was to come, she went back inside to get her things.  It felt as though the stream of emotions inside her had finally quieted as the time for action had finally arrived and, as she pulled on a jumper and tied her hair back, she felt determination take over. She went around the house one more time, turning off the lights and making sure all the windows were shut tight, before sliding her bag onto her back and going out through the kitchen door.

                Barbara was waiting for her, standing quietly in the grass with a very small sack in her hands.

                ‘Take this and be safe,’ she said quietly as Georjaina approached her and she put the sack into the girl’s hands. As soon as Georjaina felt the weight and consistency of it she knew what was inside.

                ‘I can’t take money from you,’ she replied, attempting to hand it back but Barbara pushed it away and folded her arms.

                ‘Let me do this. It’s the only way I can assist you.’

                Georjaina nodded and embraced her one final time. ‘I’ll try to write to you, just to let you know we’re safe.’

                Barbara nodded as she took a few steps back from her. Georjaina tucked the sack into her bag and then stood for a few moments, looking around once more. She gripped the straps of her bag with both hands, gave Barbara a smile, and then she turned on the spot, vanishing.

                She appeared again along the edge of the field in Wessex, her heart aching at the familiar site of the tall, swaying grass. There was less than half a moon above her but the sky was clear and she was able to see relatively well in the semi darkness. She stayed in the same spot for a while, looking around slowly and wondering how they would actually find each other. She had appeared further from the trail leading to the bridge in the woods than she had intended and so she set off slowly, taking her time as she waded through the grass.

                She stopped at the mouth of the trail, hesitantly looking down it and then around her once more but there wasn’t any signs of movement. After waiting what felt like twenty minutes she slowly began up the hill. She wouldn’t approach the cottage, as he had advised, but she was wondering if he had gone there himself to retrieve something. As she came to the top of the hill she stopped and looked down but there wasn’t a light lit as far as she could see. Panic was starting to eat away at her determination and she started making slow circles, spinning herself around to watch for movement in the grass. She assumed he would travel mostly as the big black dog and knew that she wouldn’t really be able to see him right now if that was how he appeared.

                As she spun back around so that she faced the cottage once more a glimmer of something shiny flashed in the corner of her eye and she turned back toward the woods again. A large dark shape was moving slowly along the tree line, barely visible as it moved beneath the shadows of the limbs hanging out over the field. She stood perfectly still, waiting with bated breath as the shadow stopped and then it seemed to grow taller and thinner, and then suddenly she recognized it as the outline of a man.

                For one moment she hesitated, feeling her heart pounding in her chest, and then she sprang forward through the tall grass as quickly as she could manage. He moved when she did, coming out of the shadows with a grin on his face. She felt like shouting out to him, like crying in happiness, like doing something, _anything,_ to expel the rush of emotions she felt. She could hear him chuckling as he fought his way forward and knew he must feel the same.

                They were still a small distance apart when something else caught her attention and she turned her head on instinct. She felt her stomach clench as she looked down at the cottage, watching as something flashed brightly in the darkness.

                The same moment she realized the light was coming from the end of a wand she heard Sirius hiss ‘ _Get down_!’ and she fell forward without another thought. Georjaina lay still on her stomach, the grass now towering over her, listening to the voices she could now hear in the distance. She strained to try to make out what they were saying, or at least figure out how many voices there were, when she heard a rustling sound suddenly coming from in front of her. For one fleeting moment she thought about getting up and running in the opposite direction but then she heard Sirius grunt with the effort of crawling through the grass and she got up on all fours to do the same.

                ‘I’m here!’ she whispered loudly as she pushed forward. She found she wasn’t able to keep her head up as she crawled because the grass was pushing back on her and she tried to move quietly so that she could hear him better. It was hard to tell if she was going straight ahead any more and she stopped for a moment to listen. There was suddenly rustling to her left and a little behind her, and she turned as quickly as she could, whispering his name.

                ‘Here!’ he called quietly back when they both heard one of the voices in the distance shout and Georjaina leapt forward blindly. Somehow she managed to land right beside him and he quickly wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her to him tightly. She swung her other hand up and around, and he brought his own hand up to take the wand she was offering him. She felt his grip on her tighten and then she closed her eyes as she felt them squeeze into the nothingness.

                They appeared again in another open field, still clutching to each other and breathing hard.

                ‘Who was that?’ Georjaina asked, her hands on him still shaking.

                ‘I don’t know. Someone from the Ministry?’ he replied, shaking his head. ‘I’m assuming they’ll be checking all of my family’s homes.’

                There was a crunching sound in the grass behind them and she gasped, attempting to spring up, her wand at the ready, but Sirius grabbed her arm hard.

                ‘It’s just Buckbeak. Come on, we have to keep moving.’

                She nodded as he helped her up. The hippogriff was standing a few yards from them, rooting around in the grass with his beak, his feathers gleaming in the moonlight. He eyed them in alarm for a moment before seeming to recognize them and, as Sirius approached, he knelt down.             

                ‘Come on!’ Sirius said, motioning her forward with his hand. She knew she should have expected this but she hadn’t; she had half a mind to think that they could Apparate with Buckbeak but she now realized that wasn’t an option. She sighed, putting on a determined face, and then she came forward so that he could help her up. Once she was seated on the hippogriff’s back she slid forward so that her knees were beneath his wing joints and then Sirius jumped up behind her.

                ‘Ready?’ he asked, sliding his arms around her middle.

                ‘Where do I hold on?’ she asked, sounding a little panicked.

                ‘Just squeeze with your legs and lean forward a little,’ he replied, his chin over her shoulder. She looked over at him and he gave her a tight smile. ‘I’m not going to let you fall off.’

                Georjaina took a deep breath and then nodded.

                ‘Alright, Buckbeak. Easy does it,’ Sirius said. The hippogriff clipped his beak and then took several strides forward before leaping into the arm. Georjaina barely kept from crying out in surprise but she grasped Sirius’ arms and squeezed her eyes shut, leaning back into him. As they leveled out she felt him slide forward the little room that was left between them and he held her to his chest tightly. She turned her head and pressed her face into the side of his neck, her eyes still closed.

                For a while they stayed like this and then he tapped her arm lightly.

                ‘Open your eyes,’ he said quietly. She hesitated but then did as he said, looking straight out at first and then down. They were gliding through a patch of low clouds, the ground dark and spotted with twinkling lights below them. She had never flown this high on a broom before and now understood what he meant about how Buckbeak would be able to aid them in their journey. Even still, she slipped her wand out of her pocket and looked over at Sirius.

                ‘Do you think a disillusionment charm will work on him?’ she asked, nodding down toward the hippogriff.

                ‘I don’t see why not.’

                She nodded and silently cast the charm. Slowly Buckbeak disappeared; they could still feel his heavy bulk beneath them but when they looked down they could see nothing but the ground below them. Georjaina tried not to look.

                ‘We should fly as far as we can tonight,’ Sirius said after a little while. ‘We’ll just keep heading south and then come up with a plan tomorrow.’

                ‘Alright.’ She nodded, resting back against him casually. She felt him adjust his arms so that it felt like he was embracing her more than just holding her in place and she sighed contentedly, watching straight ahead as the dark landscape slipped silently beneath them.

               

 

‘Are you awake?’ she heard Sirius mummer and she stirred but didn’t open her eyes. She had been dreaming of him, of the long day spent with him at Wessex cottage so many years ago, and for a moment she thought she could feel the sunlight on her skin as it had been that day. She had never thought at the time to savor every moment, to imprint the feelings in her mind so that she could recall them clearly. She felt his hand gently rest on her arm and she opened her eyes, looking up at distant, arched ceiling. Around them dust danced in the sunlight coming in through the wooden planks that formed the walls and the hay beneath her poked at her skin when she finally started to move.

                As she sat up she looked over at him. He had already gotten into her bag and was eating one of the sandwiches. He reached in and grabbed another one out, offering it to her, but he let his hand fall at the look on her face.

                ‘Are you alright?’ he asked quietly. ‘You….you aren’t regretting this, are you?’

                ‘No,’ she replied, ducking her head. She reached over and took the sandwich. ‘I was just thinking of other things.’

                He nodded and watched her as she opened the bag and began to eat slowly. ‘I think this is the longest we’ve been together.’

                She looked up at him again, her face softening, and then she actually managed to smile. They had flown through the night, until the sun began to rise on the horizon. Using her wand as a compass they had flown south and a little to the east, and were now deeply embedded in the French countryside. The barn they chose to rest in stood solitary outside a clump of woods and was miles from the nearest house.

                Buckbeak had enjoyed the choice of a resting spot immensely; he spent several hours rooting through the old hay, catching mice and moles. Sirius and Georjaina had bunked in the loft. She had packed plenty of blankets and they were able to lay down a makeshift bed in the hay.

                She remembered how hesitant Sirius had been the night before. For everything that they had said and how she felt she had acted around him, he still seemed to shy from much physical contact. She wondered at it because he had seemed so relaxed about it on their flight but she realized that was probably because of the situation they had been in. He had had little choice but to put his arms around her then but she could see he wasn’t going to make any assumptions about anything else. And so they had slept side by side but with a least a foot in between them.

                ‘I wonder what time it is,’ she said, looking toward one of the windows and wishing that she had thought to pack a watch.

                ‘Late morning, I think,’ he replied before starting on a second sandwich. ‘I was thinking we could do a bit of flying during the day, if you can do that disillusionment charm again.’

 She nodded as she got up onto her knees and began to fold the blankets up before stuffing them back into the bag. Sirius watched her work quietly, she could feel his eyes upon her, and when she was done she stood over him, looking down at him expectantly.

                ‘What is it?’ she asked when he didn’t say anything. She felt as though she could see a mass of thoughts and emotions swirling behind his face. He shook his head, standing as well and dusting off his hands on his pants.

                ‘It’s nothing,’ he replied, not really looking at her. ‘I just keep waiting for you to tell me you’re leaving.’

                He bent over to pick up the bag and as he righted himself again he was surprised to find that she had stepped up to him so that they were inches from each other. He felt her hand slide onto his arm, holding him there, and then she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his gently. He kept his eyes open, watching as she pulled back from him again, and she looked back at him with a hard face.

                ‘Alright?’ she said, her voice tight, and he nodded in understanding. She had meant much more by the kiss then he would have thought. She meant that she wasn’t afraid of him, that she wanted to help him, and that she wasn’t going to leave him. ‘Let’s go.’

 


	18. Chapter 18 - August 1st, 1994

AUGUST 1st, 1994

 

 

Sirius lay cold and still on the muddy shore. He was impossibly small and helpless, and Georjaina could feel a trembling in her body that started at her hands and resonated to her core. It was all on her to save him, to protect him, to keep him safe, even from himself. She put her hands together on his small chest and when she pressed down he screamed and she fell back. Disoriented, her head spinning, she looked up at him as he loomed over her from the railing of the bridge. His face was hard and bitter, his eyes filling up with pain. And then he fell back from her, over the railing and toward the water. Again and again she watched him fall, his eyes always on her, the accusation evident in them. It was her fault. He was going to die over and over again because she had failed to save him. She wanted to jump after him, to fly over the rail and wrap her arms around him, knowing he wouldn’t fight her off once he felt safe, but she couldn’t move. She felt heavy and dull, as if she were sinking into the bridge beneath her, and still she watched him fall, his face ever changing before her until his eyes were sunken and his cheeks were boney and indented; cracks broke across his skin, his dark hair twisting around him, the skin on his lip cracking painfully, until it was a skeletal face staring back at her, blaming her for his death…

                Georjaina opened her eyes and blinked several times before letting out the breath she didn’t know she had been holding. She was lying on her stomach, her face toward the wall, and when she heard movement behind her she lifted her head and turned it the other direction. Sirius was sitting up in the bed beside her, a steaming cup of tea in his hands as he flipped a page of the book he had propped against his knees. He looked down at her with a slow smile, a warmth in his eyes. He no longer resembled the skeleton she had dreamt of. Soon after their arrival he had asked her to cut his hair and she was more than willing to oblige. It was a dark as ever but combed and shiny, resting just above his shoulders as he had worn it in school. She wondered at the lack of grey in it.

                His cheeks had finally started to fill out but not as fast as she had hoped. Years of starvation had seemed to create an endless hole in his stomach and she knew he was never fully satisfied, no matter how much he ate. But the food, the rest, and the sun had done wonders, and the man she stared up at now looked much more like his actual age, with only a few signs of wear left behind.

                ‘Tea?’ he asked quietly as he set his book down and she nodded. He slid off the bed and then leaned down over it, pressing several kisses to her bare back before crossing over into the next room.

                The ever present breeze was drifting in through the window above her head, the gossamer curtain blowing about as it passed. She watched it for a moment and then closed her eyes, breathing in the fresh air deeply and shutting away the horrible images that had plagued her sleep.

                As Sirius came back into the room she sat up, tucking the sheet beneath both her arms as she took the cup from him. He was grinning at her and there was a little color in his cheeks. Last night had been the first time they had resumed the intimacy they had once shared long ago. He had seemed to take her kiss from that first morning they were together as an invitation to openness, as she had hoped he would, and every night after that they spent cuddled together in their sleep. Most nights he awoke one or two times, yelling in terror or crying out in pain, but she quickly learned that if she tightened her arms around him and spoke gently to him he was able to come out of it better than he had before and the passing weeks saw less and less of him shaking awake in fear. But as his nightmares lessened, hers increased.

                Georjaina sighed in frustration, shaking her head a little. They were finally safe and sound, and she didn’t understand why she kept having these visions of losing him. She hadn’t told him exactly what she had dreamt of, only that they were bad thoughts from the past resurfacing. He suddenly slid his rough hand onto her bare leg and she looked up into his face. He gave her a look that clearly said he knew what she was thinking and that he understood. She leaned over to set her tea beside his on the night stand and then she crawled into his lap, wrapping her arms around him. He held her to his chest and kissed the top of her head before burying his face into her hair.

 

 

They had settled on the east coast of Madagascar. Georjaina had suggested it, having visited once before with her Aunt when she was young, and, as Sirius was completely open for suggestions, there was no opposition to this choice. The sandy beaches, the warm water, and the towering palm trees above did them all well. Sirius and Georjaina were able to rent a shack outside one of the villages for a decent price but they had to keep Buckbeak in a cave in the less inhabitable part of the island. Even still, she had performed several warding charms in the area to keep people away. They visited him several times a day and he was always more content when they brought him gifts of food. 

                She had packed several books and they had taken to reading to each other when the nights grew long and neither of them could sleep. Once he disappeared for a few hours, much to her discontent, and he returned with a new copy of her favorite book. The one she had lent him had been left behind when he had escaped Hogwarts.

                Sirius had sent Harry two letters. He had told everything that had happened to Georjaina and, for the first time, explained to her why he had ever become an Animagus. He had then asked her to review each of his letters before he sent them, asking if they sounded _normal_. She knew what he meant; years of isolation had to have had an effect on his communication skills and he was very weary of how he presented himself to Harry. This boy was all he had left of James and she could see Sirius didn’t take for granted that Harry had seemed to take to him so easily.

 

 

Most afternoons they spent on the shoreline, relaxing in the sun and picking at food instead of eating an actual meal. Today was no different. Georjaina had went ahead and settled herself down in the warm sand, and Sirius joined her a while later with a plate of fish he had fried for them.

                ‘You’re getting tan. Finally,’ he teased as he sat beside her. She was lying on her stomach and she leaned her head back to make a face at him. He grinned back at her as he popped a piece of the fish into his mouth. ‘You know there’s no one around here. You don’t actually have to wear a swim suit.’

                Georjaina scoffed at him. ‘Don’t you think you can get cheeky now,’ she replied, sounding offended though they both knew she wasn’t. It was actually heartening for her to hear him joke like that. She sat up and kissed him before grabbing several pieces of the fish. ‘This is good. Did you save any for Buckbeak?’

                ‘I’m not giving him fried fish when he’ll eat it raw,’ he replied, turning himself around so that he could lay his head in her lap.

                ‘Fair point.’ She smiled down at him, carding her fingers slowly through his hair. Her eyes wandered over his face and then down to his bare chest. She remembered the first week after they arrived, how he had refused to get undressed in front of her. Nearly every inch of his skin was covered in markings from the prison and she tried very hard not to wince when he finally showed them to her. But now she was accustomed to them, at least for the most part, and she had accepted them as part of him, knowing that he didn’t feel the same way.

                He had let his eyes slide shut at her touch but he soon noticed where she was looking and he frowned. Thinking to distract her he reached up for her face and pulled her down into a kiss, his stomach stirring with emotion and want. She could feel his eagerness in his kiss and, as he moved to get onto his hands and knees, she instinctively slid back from him. He grinned as he quickly caught her lips again.

                ‘You still think you’re so clever, don’t you?’ she asked as she pulled away from him a little.

                ‘Still irresistible, you mean?’ he replied and she nodded. ‘Yes, of course.’

                She scoffed again as she put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him off of her. He laughed as he tumbled into the sand and she stood quickly, running down toward the water. Georjaina had crashed into the waves before he even had a chance to come after her and she dove under the water, attempting to swim away when she heard him splashing behind her. But when she surfaced again she found he had somehow caught up to her and he was grinning as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her up to his chest.

                ‘Don’t go running off now,’ he said, watching her face as she slicked his hair back with her hands. ‘You’ve had plenty of chances. You’re mine now.’

                ‘I’m alright with that,’ she replied quietly, smiling at him. He was grinning back at her, his cheeks a little red, and then suddenly he winced and pulled away from where she was touching his shoulder. Georjaina pulled out of his grasp, looking down at her left hand in astonishment as it sparked. She then looked up at him quickly, noticing the panic on his face, and she felt the ocean floor heave up beneath her…

                She landed still standing but she fell after just a few moments; suddenly not having the weight of the water holding her up was disorienting. Her hands caught on rough grass and for one fleeting moment she thought she was in Wessex, but then she looked around and didn’t recognize the field or the looming woods she had landed outside of. Slowly she stood again, brushing off one of her knees, when a twig snapped behind her and she turned around.

                ‘If you’re looking for the beach you missed it.’ There was a tall, dark haired boy standing several feet from her and he looked like he was trying not to laugh. ‘There is a pond over there if you want to give it a go.’

                Georjaina frowned, confused for a moment, and then she quickly gathered her hands in front of her to cover as much of her exposed body as she could.

                James was still grinning at her.

                ‘You’re right, I didn’t mean to come here,’ she said after a moment.

                ‘Are you lost?’

                ‘You could say that,’ she replied, looking around them once more. ‘Could you tell me when it is?’

                ‘Should be almost one,’ he said, reaching in his pocket to pull out a very old pocket watch.

                ‘No, I don’t mean the time.’

                He looked up at her again, the smile melting from his face. ‘It’s July.’

                She raised her eyebrows at him expectantly.

                ‘1977…’ He was frowning at her now and then suddenly recognition flashed across his face. ‘Oh. _Oh!_ You’re the imaginary friend?!’

                She bit her lip to keep from smiling and she nodded. James laughed aloud.

                ‘I’m sorry, I thought you would be more…imaginary.’

                At this she chuckled along with him.

                ‘You’re looking for Sirius, then?’

                She nodded. ‘I’m usually pretty good at coming to wherever he is but I seem to have failed this time.’

                ‘Oh, he’s around her somewhere,’ he said, looking towards the trees. ‘I was out here looking for him too. Mum has lunch ready.’

                She gave him a tight smile, her hands still gathered in front of her.

                ‘Oh, I’m sorry. Here,’ he said, pulling his shirt off over his head and handing it to her. ‘I’m sure you’re cold.’

                ‘Thanks,’ she replied, hesitantly putting it on. James wasn’t much bigger than her but it at least covered her top half.

                ‘Why are you in a costume anyway?’ he asked as they began to walk along the tree line.

                ‘It was much warmer where I came from,’ she replied, folding her arms.

                ‘In the future?’

                She stopped walking and looked over at him. ‘He’s told you about me, then?’

                ‘Yes. Last Christmas he was…strange,’ he replied, running a hand through his hair. ‘So I annoyed him until he told me what the matter was.’

                She nodded and they began to walk again.

                ‘I hope that’s alright,’ he said after a little while.

                ‘It’s fine. I trust you.’

                ‘You do?’

                She looked over at him again and nodded.

                ‘Oh, I get it. You’ve met me before,’ he said and she looked a little surprised. ‘In my future, I’m guessing?’

                She nodded again, trying to keep her face neutral. A great deal of thoughts and memories sprang forward in her mind, all the things she could tell him and warn him about, all the things she could possibly change about all of their futures…but she knew better than anyone else what that could mean. Sirius’ face flashed before her, how he had looked on the beach she had left him on, and she knew she couldn’t risk losing that.

                ‘How is he doing?’ she asked, looking over at James. ‘I mean, overall.’

                He nodded and shrugged his shoulders. ‘Fine, I think. He seems pretty happy but he does spend a lot of time out here. I think he’s afraid my parents will get sick of him if he hangs around the house too much.’

                Georjaina sighed. ‘I don’t know what he’s told you about his family but they were never kind or understanding of him. It doesn’t surprise me that he doesn’t openly accept your family’s hospitality.’

                ‘I know. I just…I don’t want him to be afraid of being loved,’ James replied. He had stopped walking again and she turned toward him. ‘My mum definitely loves him. She tells me all the time.’

                She smiled up at him and he was grinning again.

                ‘I hope she tells him too. He needs to hear it.’

                He nodded and she noticed he was watching her face as if he were searching for something. ‘I know I would be an idiot for asking if you would tell me anything about the future.’

                She shook her head, pressing her lips together and folding her arms again.

                ‘Right. Can you….well, just say yes or no. I just want to know if we’ll always be friends, Sirius and I.’

                She hesitated, looking up into his face for a long time. She remembered again everything that was going to happen to him and she didn’t see the harm in giving him just a little bit of joy. ‘Yes, you will.’

                A grin spread across his features, his eyes bright, and she smiled back at him.

                ‘Oh wait, I think he’s there,’ James said, suddenly looking over her shoulder at something in the distance. ‘Padfoot!’

                Georjaina turned but didn’t see anything. She moved closed to James to see where he was looking and finally something moving between the trees caught her attention. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest and she there was a hopeful look on her face. It had been a very long time since she had glimpsed the young, happy face of the boy she had once loved, but as his form became a little clearer through the trees, she felt her hand prick against her side.

                ‘I have to go,’ she said, turning to James quickly. ‘Tell him I said hello and that I’ll see him soon.’

                He nodded, though he looked unsure, and she saw that he was staring at her sparking hands. She gave him a tight smile as the forest floor tilted back and then she crashed down into the water once more. She should have expected it but she hadn’t and she flailed around helplessly as a crashing wave came down over her. She felt rough hands catch her under her ribs and she was pulled up toward the surface once more.

                ‘Are you alright?’ Sirius had dragged her onto the beach and his hands felt like they were on her everywhere as he searched for signs of life. But she was coughing and spitting up water, and he helped her roll onto her side. After a little while she was able to breathe again and she lay in the sand for a while, closing her eyes as she felt the sun warm her skin.

                ‘Where did you…’

                She opened her eyes and saw that he was fingering the wet shirt she was wearing in disbelief.

                ‘Is this James’?’ he asked hesitantly and she nodded.

                ‘Do you remember July of 1977?’ she asked, reaching over to touch his arm gently. ‘I’m assuming he told you he had seen me?’

                ‘Yes, but I only half believed him.’ There was a strange look on his face. She sighed and sat up, wrapping her arms around him.

                ‘I don’t know why it happened like that,’ she said after a little bit. ‘That’s the first time I can ever remember not seeing you.’

                She felt his hands tighten on her skin and she tried to pull back to look at his face but he wouldn’t let her.

                ‘Sirius?’

                He was shaking. ‘I didn’t know if you would come back. I...you told me once that you always jump back home but I realized that I have no idea where you live.’

                Georjaina stilled; this hadn’t even occurred to her. But he was right. What if she had jumped back to her village and she wasn’t able to get back to him again.

                ‘This must be home now, then,’ she said quietly after a little bit and he finally let her go enough to look into her face. ‘I came back here, didn’t I?’

                He looked as though he might cry and she leaned forward, kissing him to stop it. He happily gave in to the distraction, his hands holding her to him possessively and she managed to slide into his lap. The warm sun above them blazed in a clear sky and waves lapped lazily against the shore beside them, and they held onto each other as they never had before.


	19. Chapter 19 - September 1994

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for the reviews! Some of them have broken my heart but I'm very grateful for all of you who care for my characters. Thank you so, so much!

SEPTEMBER 1994

 

Georjaina hadn’t jumped again since the beginning of August but she knew it was on both their minds, at all times. She wasn’t afraid of jumping, and secretly hoped that she would get another chance to see him again when he was younger, but she was terrified that she might not come back to him if she did. They didn’t talk about it much but it was a shadow looming over them and she noticed Sirius held her all the more tightly at night.

                Around the middle of August Sirius received a letter that would change everything. Harry had finally replied to him and it was with disheartening news. They talked it over for days, putting together the information that each of them knew and then going over all the facts together. Eventually Georjaina made the suggestion that Sirius write to Dumbledore and she could see from his reaction that it had been on the back of his mind as well.

                ‘He’ll just tell me to stay away,’ Sirius had replied, shaking his head. ‘But I can’t just sit here and hope that Harry will stay out of danger.’

                They were sitting on the beach again, the now warn letter held between his hands. Georjaina reached over and touched his arm gently.

                ‘Do you want to go back?’ she had asked quietly and there wasn’t surprise on his face at her question.

                ‘I do. I…I escaped from Azkaban to protect him and I’m not fulfilling that duty.’ He placed his hand over hers on his arm and squeezed her fingers.

                ‘I know.’ She gave him a tight smile, a sinking feeling in her chest.

                And that was it. Neither of them felt like arguing the point, they just started to pack up slowly.

                Sirius did make it clear that they should stay put until September when Harry would return to school and he started to send out letters to Dumbledore and to his friend Remus. They decided that he shouldn’t respond to Harry just yet, not before they knew what their plan was and what information he could give him.

                At the beginning of September Remus wrote a letter informing them that he had made arrangements for a safe house in France. This would make communication much easier and Remus would easily be able to visit them and help out. They set out a few days later, taking their time as they flew up the coast with Buckbeak and then across the Mediterranean. They made several more stops than they had on the way down and Georjaina worried that Sirius was nervous about something he wasn’t telling her.

                Remus had rented a cottage for them under a false name. It was in a highly wooded area but at night they could see the lights from a distant town in the valley below them. He wasn’t able to meet them when they arrived but he left a note explaining where he was currently and what protections he had put on the house.

                Things had changed and they didn’t really talk about it. Madagascar had felt like a holiday of sorts, a honeymoon even, but now they were coming back down to the real world and the dangers that it provided.

                ‘You know I’m not going to leave you, no matter what, right?’ Georjaina whispered one night as they lay in bed. A little moon light shone dimly through the open window but it was still so dark that she could barely see his face though he was half a foot from her.

                He reached up and squeezed her hand but didn’t reply.

                ‘Sirius…I know what you’re thinking. I can feel England coming between us.’

                ‘I don’t want you to get hurt,’ he finally said, his voice rough.

                ‘As long as we’re careful nothing is going to happen to either of us,’ she replied, sliding a little closer to him and he put his arm around her. ‘We have help now. You said Remus would do anything for you, right?’

                ‘I don’t want him to get hurt either.’ He sighed and leaned forward, pressing his face into her shoulder and breathing in her smell. Georjaina shook her head, frustrated, but she couldn’t say anything more. Silently she made a plan to first feel this Remus person out and then see if she could get him on her side. She wasn’t going to be left behind.

 

 

A week into their stay Remus returned to the cottage late one evening. Georjaina thought he had a very friendly face, even with the obvious scaring. She and Sirius were most of the way through their dinner when he knocked and, after introductions were made, he sat down with them. She noticed he did most of the talking while Sirius stared at him sorrowfully, listening as he explained what little intelligence he had gathered about the current climate in Britain. Georjaina asked a few questions but she was trying not to lead the conversation in a certain direction in front of Sirius and after a while she took her tea to the back deck to give them time to catch up. A while later the door squeaked open and when she looked up from the lounge chair she was sitting in she was surprised to find Remus instead of Sirius.

                ‘He’s gone to bed,’ he said quietly as explanation. Georjaina nodded and then sat up a little more as he came and slid into the seat beside her.

                ‘Thank you very much for arranging all this,’ she said as she watched his profile.

                Remus sighed and leaned forward onto his knees with his elbows, joining his hands together at his mouth. He was quiet for a while as he stared out at the dark view.

                ‘You’re his best friend, right?’ she asked after a little bit and he sat back again, looking over at her.

                ‘I think that would be you nowadays,’ he replied and she smiled a little. ‘I haven’t been a friend to Sirius in a long time and that’s entirely my fault. I mean to make up for it and do everything I can to assist him.’

                Georjaina hesitated but then pushed past her insecurity. ‘I’m very glad you said that because I need help and I didn’t know who to go to for it.’

                He looked over at her again, his eyes slowly studying her face. ‘I would like to know who you are first.’

                ‘What?’ she asked, frowning a little.

                ‘Not to be rude but _imaginary friend_ isn’t enough for me as it was for James and Sirius.’ He was still staring at her and she felt her cheeks warm.

                ‘That’s not…’ She sighed, collecting her thoughts before continuing. ‘I have a condition where I inadvertently travel in time. I have no control over when or where I go, or for how long. And for some reason I’ve been jumping into Sirius’ life for a long time.’

                He nodded. ‘Yes. I remember seeing you at James’ wedding.’

                ‘You do?’ she asked, sounding surprised.

                ‘I saw you dancing with Sirius. You don’t really look different than you did then.’

                ‘That was three years ago for me,’ she replied and he nodded again in understanding.

                They sat quietly for a while and she could tell he was still pondering her.

                ‘He’s told me about you,’ she said after a little while and he looked back at her once more. ‘I hope that’s alright.’

                ‘Of course, but that isn’t really fair,’ he replied, a small smile in the corner of his mouth. ‘You know all about me and I still have no idea who you are.’

                ‘You can ask me anything,’ she said, leaning toward him a little. ‘I’ll tell you whatever you need me to to get you to help me.’

                She watched him hesitate as he studied her some more and then he asked, ‘Do you love him?’

                ‘Yes. Very much,’ she sighed but she could see this wasn’t quiet the answer he was looking for. ‘But I understand that to keep him safe I may have to leave him.’

                Remus sighed, running a hand over his face. ‘That’s enough for now, then. What is it you’re worried about?’

                ‘What he’s not telling me,’ she replied in half a whisper. ‘He’s shutting me out about certain things and I think he means to go back to Britain.’

                ‘I can’t guarantee his safety if he does.’

                ‘I know. Neither can I,’ she replied, shaking her head. ‘But right now he’s set on protecting Harry and nothing else.’

                ‘You knew him when he was young,’ Remus said after a few moments. ‘You know how stubborn and reckless he can be.’

                ‘But we still have to try. I need him to see that others have been protecting Harry for thirteen years and that he doesn’t need to put himself in danger like that.’

                ‘And what if he doesn’t listen to us?’ he asked and she stared at him for a while before answering.

                ‘Then I’ll go with him.’

                Remus frowned at her. ‘So you would just give up on convincing him?’

                ‘No but…I’m trying to be prepared for how this may go,’ she said, leaning toward him again. ‘I want us to have a plan for either situation. If he still wants to go we can’t stop him and do you really want him to go alone?’

                He hesitated again, thinking, and then he shook his head. ‘You’re right. Of course he shouldn’t go alone. But that is the worst case scenario.’

                ‘Agreed,’ she replied, nodding and looking relieved.

                Remus still looked at if he weren’t sure of her but when she looked into his face again he gave her a smile.

                ‘We’ll talk to him in the morning,’ he said as he stood and stretched his arms over his head. ‘But I am exhausted so I will say goodnight.’

                ‘Goodnight,’ she replied, watching as he headed back inside. She turned back to the view offered to her by the shadowy, dark valley, finishing her tea before heading to bed herself.

 

 

They broached the subject over breakfast the next morning, waiting until Sirius had half finished his meal and tea, but it didn’t help. He reacted exactly as they had expected; worse, really. He scowled at them, looking vaguely like a cornered animal, and then he ended up yelling and storming from the house, and they didn’t see him again until the early afternoon.

                They all seemed to be avoiding each other the rest of the day, until dinner time when they sat at the table together as if nothing had happened. It was a quiet affair and Georjaina kept attempting to catch Remus’ eye. When he finally did look at her, his face hard, she gave him a look that made it clear what she wanted.

                Remus sighed. ‘Sirius, we still need to talk about this.’

                ‘ _Moony, don’t_ ,’ he growled, motioning to stand but Remus reached over quickly and grasped his arm hard.

                ‘Just listen to me!’ he snapped. Sirius looked taken aback but then he sat down again. ‘If we cannot dissuade you from returning to Britain then we need to come up with a plan on how best to help you.’

                Sirius was quiet, looking between the two of them expectantly.

                Remus cleared his throat before continuing. ‘Do you think you have access to Grimmauld Place?’

                ‘I don’t know,’ Sirius replied, shaking his head. ‘It hadn’t even occurred to me but, besides my cousins, I am the last Black heir so I suppose so.’

                ‘Is that your home in London?’ Georjaina asked and he nodded at her. ‘Well, what about Wessex Cottage?’

                ‘A house in the country would be far easier to set up boundaries around,’ Remus chimed in.

                ‘But they’re already searched for me there once before,’ Sirius replied.

                ‘We could always go to my house,’ Georjaina offered and he shook his head quickly.

                ‘No. Traveling with me is one thing; if we were caught I could say I kidnapped you. But if you took me home you would be harboring a fugitive.’

                Georjaina nodded, looking concerned.

                ‘I say Wessex would work best, for now at least,’ Sirius said after a little while. ‘Alright?’

                Remus nodded. ‘Fine. I have to leave in the morning anyway. I can go ahead of you and start setting up warding charms.’

                ‘We can secure the area more when we get there,’ Sirius added, suddenly looking hopeful. ‘We’ll be fine.’

                Remus sighed again and looked between the two of them. ‘Just promise me…promise that you’ll exercise extreme caution and that if Georjaina doesn’t agree with something you at least take the time to think it over before acting.’

                Sirius nodded and then reached over to take Georjaina’s hand under the table. She squeezed his fingers tightly.

 

 

Remus wrote to them a few times after he left. It took him several more days than he had expected to make it to Wessex but he was at least able to report that he found the place clear of any signs of recent visitors. Sirius wrote back to him that they would plan to leave on the first of the October and that they would fly Buckbeak directly there in one night.

                Things were becoming less strained between them as they both started to relax again; Sirius, because he was getting what he wanted, and Georjaina simply because they had a plan. She had had several nightmares about him wandering the forest around Hogwarts and being caught by Dementors. At least they were going somewhere familiar, somewhere that she almost considered a second home. It was a place full of warm, happy memories, and she knew they would both be more comfortable there.

                ‘I have dreamt of the fields at Wessex so many times before,’ she told him one night before bed. She was sitting up, her back propped against the headboard, sipping at a cup of tea as he lay on his stomach beside her. ‘Especially during the three years I didn’t see you.’

                ‘What happened in your dreams?’ he asked, folding his hands beneath his cheek as he looked up at her.

                ‘Nothing, really. We would just lay in the grass and the warm sunlight, holding hands.’ She looked over at him with a smile. ‘I always remember holding your hand, no matter how old you were.’

                ‘No one else let me,’ he replied. ‘Well…perhaps when I was very young, but I told you that you were the only one to ever hug me.’

                ‘I know.’ She reached over and ran a hand through his hair. ‘I’m assuming Mrs. Potter did eventually?’

                He hesitated and then nodded.

                ‘James mentioned how much she loved you when I saw him in August,’ she explained and he closed his eyes for a moment as memories came to him.

                ‘Do you actually remember meeting me when you were five?’

                ‘A little,’ he said, sounding relieved at the change in subject. ‘I remember your hair very clearly for some reason.’

                Georjaina chuckled as he smiled up at her.

                ‘I was so worried about leaving you out there alone.’

                He shrugged. ‘It was like that as far as I can remember. My mother preferred me out of her way. I realize now that the cottage was her personal space, away from my father, and that she probably expected me to give her that space as well.’

                ‘Are you like your father? You’ve never mentioned him much.’

                ‘God, I hope not,’ he replied. ‘I suppose I look like him somewhat. But I didn’t please him either so I suppose I wasn’t really like anyone in my family.’

                She suddenly snorted, ducking her head when he looked at her expectantly. ‘I’m sorry but…you’re the black sheep of the Black family.’

                Sirius grinned at her as he sat up. ‘I’m proud of it.’

                She was laughing still, shaking her head at him, as he put his arms around her and pulled her into his lap.

                ‘I don’t know what I would have done without you,’ he said, running his knuckle across her cheek gently. ‘I probably would have died, at least twice.’ He had meant it as a joke but it didn’t come out that way and they stared at each other. Georjaina grasped his hand and brought it up to her chest, pressing his palm to her skin. He could feel her heart pounding and he looked up into her face again.

                ‘I owe you my life,’ he said quietly.

                She shook her head. ‘No. The only thing you owe me is to keep yourself safe, alright? After everything I’ve done and gone through for you, can you please just do that for me?’

                Sirius hesitated, brushing a stray tear from her cheek, and then he nodded. ‘I love you very much, Georjaina.’

                She winced as if she was trying to keep from crying but her eyes were suddenly glassy nonetheless. ‘I love you,’ she whispered as she leaned forward and he met her half way, kissing her hard. One of his hands found its way up into her hair and he tangled his fingers into the soft reddish-blonde waves, feeling his chest tighten for some reason.

                And then an errant thought wandered up from the back of his mind; so many times he had silently compared her to air, to something he deemed necessary for breathing, for living, but just like air she could so easily slip through his fingers.


	20. Chapter 20 - October 1994, Part 1

OCTOBER 1994

PART 1

 

By the first of the month they were packed and ready. They had been able to keep Buckbeak much closer to their safe house this time but he still seemed extremely happy when they brought him up to the house that morning.

It was unseasonably warm and they ate their dinner outside on the back deck, taking in the view of the valley one last time. Georjaina was nervous, Sirius could tell, but he didn’t know how to reassure her so they didn’t talk much. He simply sat beside her and held her hand when they were done eating and this was how they were when they first saw the approaching owl. Sirius stood as it came closer and it landed on the deck railing, offering the parchment on its leg to him.

‘It’s from Remus,’ he said as soon as he tore it open and Georjaina came to stand beside him. ‘He said he had gone to the cottage to check on things and someone had definitely been there.’

‘Are we going to go somewhere else then?’ she asked, looking concerned, but he shook his head.

‘He wants us to stay here until he can find out more,’ he replied, looking up at her. She could see the frustration in his eyes.

‘We’ll get there,’ she said, trying to sound comforting. ‘But you know we have to put safety above everything else.’

He sighed, running a hand over his face. ‘Alright. But I’m writing him back. Maybe he can check Grimmauld, see if that’s safer.’

She nodded, giving him a tight smile and then going to collect their dishes, taking them inside.

They received a reply from Remus four days later. He informed them that he had been back to the cottage every day since his original letter and hadn’t found any more signs of trespassers. Georjaina thought it was strange he used that word until he explained several lines down that he had gotten the impression it was children that had been messing about on the property. Perhaps some locals who assumed the house was abandoned and had been trying to get inside. Even still, he asked that they come to his house first to make sure their journey could be completed in safety before they settled somewhere. He had left the country the day he wrote the letter, on an errand for Dumbledore, but he would be back in nine days and asked that they meet him then.

Sirius’ frustration had grown and, though Georjaina tried to once more to assure him they would eventually be going, he didn’t really want to hear it any more. They went through an agonizing cycle that was often brought on by anxiety and the restriction of freedom; they would fight over stupid things, spend a day or so not really talking to each other, and then would spend most of the night making up for it.  It was tedious and emotionally exhausting, and they both looked forward to the day it would end.

And when that day came, when they had had no word from Remus deterring them from their plans once more, they finished packing everything back into Georjaina’s bag, prepared Buckbeak for the journey, and, at night fall, they said their goodbyes to France.

 

 

It was nearing midnight when they began to cross the English Channel, Buckbeak soaring a little lower as they came out over the water. Though they were fairly used to this mode of transport now, Georjaina was still nervous going over water, and Sirius tightened his grip on her, pulling her back into his chest once more.

                ‘I won’t let you fall,’ he whispered into her ear as she closed her eyes and turned her face into his neck.

                Seeming to sense her apprehension Buckbeak was careful about the times he needed to flap his massive wings to keep them above the water and he did well riding the wind most of the time. Sirius kept his eyes open, watching as the dark mass below them slipped quickly past and, in less time then he would have expected, he could see lights dotting the horizon.

                ‘We’re almost there,’ he told her. She opened her eyes but she didn’t look and she kept her face nestled against his neck.

                ‘Where does Remus live?’ she asked after a little while.

                ‘In the north country,’ he replied, readjusting his arms around her. ‘It won’t take long once we hit land. We can just fly right up the coast and avoid the cities.’

                She nodded, closing her eyes again. She felt him press a kiss to her temple and she smiled.

                Buckbeak continued to soar silently over the water but as the white cliffs surrounding Dover came into view he suddenly clipped his beak.

                ‘What is it?’ Sirius asked, alarmed as the large animal beat his wings heavily and they rose several feet quickly. Georjaina gasped as they slid forward a little on his back but Sirius managed to hold onto her. ‘Buckbeak, what are you doing?!’

                The hippogriff clipped his beak again and then squawked in alarm.

                ‘Sirius!’ Georjaina cried out and he looked over at her but she was staring down at something. He followed her gaze, thinking she saw something in the water, and then a bright flash near her hand caught his attention.

                She looked back at him, panic in her eyes, and he grabbed her face with both hands, pressing a hard kiss to her lips.

                _‘Don’t leave me_ ,’ he whispered. He wanted to wrap his arms around her again, to hold her so tightly that she couldn’t move away, but she had already pushed his hands back and slid forward as far as she could so that she was no longer touching him. And as her other hand sparked she looked back at him one last time, memorizing his face as she fell back from him.

                Sirius watched her disappear and, as soon as she was gone, Buckbeak leveled them out again. Sirius could feel himself shaking, feel his heart pounding in his chest, feel his eyes filling with tears as he stared down at the water, the sudden silence roaring in his ears.

 

 

It was still hours before dawn but Remus sat up in his front window waiting for them. He knew they had used the disillusionment charm and that he wouldn’t be able to see them but he watched anyhow. He had made himself a pot of strong coffee and he held it between his hands as his eyes searched the dark skies. After a while he went outside, thinking perhaps he would at least be able to hear their approach, and after a long while he noticed some of the nearby trees were moving as if caught in a breeze, though everything around them stood still. He set his now empty cup down quickly in the grass and rushed forward, looking around hopefully again.

                And then Sirius fell into his view seemingly from the air. Remus pulled out his wand and performed the counter spell, bring Buckbeak back into view. He was standing over Sirius, who was getting up slowly, and Remus took his arm to help him.

                ‘Are you hurt?’ he asked and when he Sirius finally looked at him he felt a nasty sense of foreboding. ‘Where’s Georjaina?’

                ‘She jumped,’ Sirius replied, shaking his head.

                ‘Jumped?’

                ‘Yes, she jumped!’ he snapped. ‘She…she traveled somewhere in time, to the future or the past, I don’t know! I don’t know where she is.’

                ‘We’ll find her,’ Remus replied, trying to sound comforting. ‘Come inside. I’ll tie up Buckbeak.’ He left his friend’s side and led the hippogriff back behind the shed at the bottom of his garden where he had prepared a bed of hay and several things for him to eat. And when he returned to the house he found Sirius was still pacing through the grass manically.

                ‘I have to go,’ he said once he noticed Remus approaching. ‘She won’t be able to jump back to me. I was moving…I couldn’t stop, we were still over the water.’

                ‘Sirius,’ Remus said, grasping both his arms to get him to stop. ‘It’s going to be alright. She’ll probably jump back to somewhere familiar and then she’ll send word to you.’

                ‘Wessex!’ Sirius gasped, not seeming to have heard a word he had said. ‘She’s probably at the cottage. I have to go-‘

                ‘ _I’ll go_ ,’ Remus cut him off. ‘Please come inside before someone sees you.’ He took him by the shoulders and guided him in through the kitchen door.

                ‘Go now, then,’ Sirius said as he sat at the table, frantically running a hand through his hair. ‘Please, Remus. I need to know.’

                ‘Alright, alright,’ he replied as he set his cup in the sink. ‘Don’t do anything until I return, alright.’

                Sirius nodded; he was still shaking. Remus gave him one last worried look before hurrying out the door again. But even as he watched him go Sirius knew he wouldn’t find her there. Thoughts raced through his mind, terrible images presenting themselves of her appearing again above the water and crashing down into its depths. Should he have stayed hovering where she had left them? Should he return there now?

                They had spoken about her village where her home was after she had jumped on the beach in August, just in case, but he had told her he wouldn’t go there unless it was an emergency. And besides, if she did jump back there she could write to him and they could plan to meet up once more.

                Sirius closed his eyes, leaning his elbows on the table as he covered his face with his hands. He needed to calm down, to stay on top of this and think rationally. He felt as though he had been caught up in the moment of panic and deep down he knew she would sorely regret if he got himself in trouble looking for her.

                He breathed out a long, slow sigh, and then opened his eyes once more. He stood and crossed to the window above the sink, staring out at the dark garden. The inky sky was clear and a countless number of stars winked down at him hopefully but he could feel nothing but the pain of being separated from her again.


	21. Chapter 21 - October 1994, Part 2

OCTOBER 1994

PART 2

 

A week passed. Every day Remus had managed to convince Sirius to wait but he grew more and more restless. He tried to keep his friend focused on the task at hand, on the reason why he had dangerously returned to Britain, but even the prospect of keeping Harry safe wasn’t enough to deter him completely. And besides, there wasn’t much good news to be had.

                During this time Sirius stayed with Remus but he forced Remus to check Wessex Cottage at least once a day. He never came back with anything to tell.

                ‘She would have left a note,’ Remus consoled him. ‘She would have done something to let us know she had been there.’

                ‘She told me once that sometimes when she jumped she wouldn’t come back for hours,’ Sirius replied, going through the information they had already exhausted in discussing over and over again. ‘She said it wasn’t ever more than twelve hours but what if that could change? What if she could jump for days?’

                ‘That’s a possibility. That’s always been a possibility,’ Remus replied with a sigh, running a hand over his face. ‘We don’t know enough about her condition to assume anything and it’s always been unpredictable anyhow.’

                Sirius nodded and Remus could see the frantic look in his eye again.

                ‘It’s late,’ he said, placing his hand on the other man’s shoulder. ‘Why don’t you get some rest?’

                They both knew that Sirius was hardly sleeping. Remus had offered him drafts to help but he refused, saying that they made his head foggy. But he stood from the table anyway and went into the bedroom, laying down on top of the blankets and pressing his face into a pillow.

                Several times he had felt himself come to the edge of a panic attack but he was always able to push it down. Why hadn’t she written? He knew he was the one that kept bringing it up but he couldn’t actually make himself believe that she was still wherever she had jumped to. She had to have returned to somewhere.

                He turned over and stared up at the ceiling for a long time until finally, his mind exhausted from running through it all again, he closed his eyes and drifted off.

 

 

It was one of the first vivid memory he could remember. He must have only been three or four, young enough for his mother to still hold his hand when they left the house. He didn’t know where his younger brother was but knew he hadn’t been with them because his mother carried her large handbag on her other arm as they came up the sidewalk. They passed the park he liked the most, the one with all the trees and good hiding spots, and turned a corner.

                He looked up at Walburga; she had a haughty, distinct look of disapproval on her face. He knew she hated walking down the street like this, weaving in between the Muggles going about their business, and he also knew it was his fault. She couldn’t travel by normal means because of him and he was an inconvenience.

                ‘Don’t touch that!’ she hissed when he reached out for a fruit cart they were passing. The shiny red apples and the smooth yellow bananas had caught his attention further back and he hadn’t even realized he had put his hand out until she snapped at him. He frowned and held his hand to his chest carefully so as not to be tempted again.

                ‘Hurry up!’ She took several quick steps forward and he had to jog lightly to keep up with her, his little hand almost slipping from her fingers. ‘We’re going to be late.’

                Someone shouted a little distance ahead of them, a shout of surprise, and Walburga stopped short, Sirius running into her and almost falling down. She pulled him back onto his feet by his hand.

                Then came the blasting sound of a car horn, several more screams, and Sirius’ clung to his mother’s leg, frightened by all the noise. The people around them on the sidewalk seemed to move as one toward the source of the noise and they were swept up with them. He could feel Walburga fighting against the crowd but at the same time she seemed curious to see what had caused such commotion.

                As they approached the street a few more people were shouting but in different tones now. There was still an edge of panic in the air but it had changed and Sirius felt brave enough to release his mother’s leg and he stepped forward a little to see.

                A car was stopped in the middle of the road, a long way from the nearest intersection, and there was a crowd of people around it, staring down at the hood. He wondered at this, at what seemed so unusual that they had all stopped what they were doing to look at this car, when someone in front of him stepped aside and he could see something was laying on the pavement in front of the car.

                Her hand was the first thing he noticed. There were several rings adorning her fingers and it looked so casual the way it was laying, her arm stretched out above her head. He felt his mother’s firm grip on his shoulder as she attempted to pull him back, but he was staring at the woman’s hair now. He couldn’t see her face because of it but he stared at the great mess of reddish blonde waves until his mother forcefully pulled him back. Someone else shouted from behind them and both mother and son turned to look again. Sirius frowned, confused because he couldn’t see her hair any more. The people around the car were no longer staring at the ground; they were looking around them, panicked. Walburga pulled him back again and she screeched out an admonishment but he didn’t hear it. His ears were ringing and there was a strange sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach…

                Sirius gasped awake and sat right up in bed. For just a few moments he stared at the opposite wall, his entire body shaking and his eyes wide as he replayed the dream, the memory, in his mind, and then he gasped out a sob that seemed to tear out of him with a force that felt as though it would kill him. He tried to breathe in but there was a band around his chest, squeezing him tight. He gripped the blankets beneath him with both hands, forced a large amount of air into his lungs, and when he breathed out again he was screaming.

                There was the sound of an opening door, of heavy footsteps coming up the hall, and then Remus burst into the room, looking around wildly. And then he stopped as he focused on Sirius, who was sitting on the bed and holding his face, and crying with such strength that it terrified him.

                For what felt like a long time Remus hesitated and then he came forward, calling out his friend’s name quietly but he couldn’t respond. He asked him what had happened and Sirius finally managed to look up at him, his eyes impossibly red and wet.

                ‘She’s gone,’ he whispered, his voice cracked. Remus sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to grip his knee.

                ‘What?’

                ‘I saw it! I saw it…it happened when I was little,’ Sirius replied between gasps of breath. ‘She must have jumped… _she jumped there because I was there_ …’ He dissolved into sobs again, this time leaning toward Remus and the other man wrapped his arms around him, not fully understanding but unable to do anything else.

 

It was a long while later before they spoke again. When Sirius finally stopped crying he lay back on the bed again, staring up at the ceiling once more, and Remus lay down next to him, waiting quietly.

                The room was growing lighter as the sun peaked out over the trees in the distance and Sirius glanced out the window.

                ‘I have to go,’ he said, his voice still rough and strained.

                ‘What?’ Remus looked over at him a little startled.

                ‘I’ll come back,’ Sirius said as he sat up and Remus came up quickly beside him. ‘But I’m going. You can’t stop me.’

                Remus stared at him for a moment, thinking fast, but he had only ever seen the look on Sirius’ face once before and that had been right after they lost James.

                ‘Let me come with you…’

                ‘No!’ Sirius snapped as he stood and he walked out of the room, through the house and into the back garden. Remus just made it to the kitchen door in time to see him pull out his wand and Apparate.

 

 

Sirius appeared again in a field. He looked around just once until he saw the village in the valley down below him and then he Apparated again into a patch of woods much closer to the houses. Georjaina had shown him her village on a map and the intercepting roads where her house was but he would still have to navigate on his own. It was early enough that there wasn’t anyone out and about yet, and he slipped into the village in the area between a few houses, coming out onto the High Street at half a run.

                He let instinct guide him as he came up to the obvious village center and he glanced at the park down to his left, the one she had told him she spent a lot of time in. He then continued on down the road to his right, his eyes always searching for people and for street signs. When a door slammed behind him in the distance he jumped and thought about running for cover but a quick glance over his shoulder told him that no one was following him.

                He came to where the village and the woods seemed meld and a sign on the stone wall that wrapped around the corner caught his attention; it was one of the cross streets to her house. He broke into a run again, going up over a stone bridge and passing several houses dotted between the trees. There was a large common lawn area to his left, just before the next intersection, and he slowed, remembering what she had told him. He looked around him at the houses, some of whose windows were alight now, and then he stopped in front of one.

Before him was a white stone house with a brown thatched roof. The front door was red and the front garden was enclosed in a very old, short stone wall. It was exactly as she had described it.

                He stood for a while just looking up at the house, feeling his heart beating hard in his chest, an aching feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wasn’t sure if he should try to go inside or not, but he knew he couldn’t stand here for much longer.

                ‘Sirius?’ a voice called from closely behind him and he jumped, spinning around quickly, his heart in his throat. There was a petite older woman with short grey hair approaching him across the street. ‘You are Sirius Black?’

                Sirius eyed her apprehensively. Whether she was a witch or not, the fact that she recognized him was startling, but there was a tight smile on her face and she appeared to be nothing but friendly.

                ‘I’m Barbara,’ she offered when he didn’t answer. ‘I don’t know whether Georjaina mentioned me or not.’ 

                He felt a stab of pain at the mention of her name and he closed his eyes for a moment, nodding his head.

                ‘I’ve been waiting for you to come here,’ she said after a little bit and he looked at her again.

                ‘Is…Is she..?’ He couldn’t finish his throat felt so tight and when she nodded he started to cry again.

                ‘I’m very sorry. I wanted to wait for you to have the service but I couldn’t tell everyone else why,’ she told him, crossing her arms and shaking her head. ‘She has a lot of friends here that wanted closer.’

                Sirius put his hands on his face as if to stop of outpouring of his tears but it didn’t work. Something inside him was cracking open, breaking, splintering along his core, and the pain of it was heavy and sharp.

                ‘What…what happened?’ he gasped out. He felt her hand on his elbow and he allowed her to lead him through the gate and toward the house. They went around to the back garden and then she helped him to sit on brick step outside the kitchen door.

                ‘We don’t know what happened,’ she said once he was settled. She stood over him, her arms folded and her face hard. ‘I was coming to check on the house and I found her out here.’ She pointed down toward the bottom of the garden.

                Sirius stared at the spot for a while as he slowly began to breath evenly again. ‘Was she still alive?’ He looked up at Barbara again when she didn’t say anything and he could tell the answer by the look on her face.

                ‘It was too late. I…got some help and we took her to St. Mungo’s anyway but…’ She couldn’t continue. He watched her pace a few steps, her hand over her mouth.

                ‘I know what happened,’ he said and she looked back at him. He told her about Madagascar and about their stop in France, and how she had jumped midflight.

                ‘I was so afraid she would jump back to the sky above the channel,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I’m glad, at least, that she came here.’

                ‘But…do you know what happened when she jumped?’ she asked.

                He hesitated, the panic rising in his chest again but he swallowed it back down and sighed deeply. ‘I do. She was…hit by a car. I saw it happen when I was little, maybe four, before I met her for the first time.’

                Barbara clapped her hand over her mouth and he heard her whimper as her eyes filled with tears.

                ‘I didn’t know it was her,’ he continued quickly, feeling the need to say all of it and get it out of his head. ‘I had forgotten I had even seen it happen. I swear I didn’t know it was her the entire time, I had no idea it was going to happen…’ His voice broke and he bowed his head, his face pinched in pain. Barbara came to sit beside him, her hand on his back comfortingly.

                ‘It’s not your fault,’ she said. ‘You couldn’t have known and you couldn’t have stopped it.’

                He looked up at her again, his face red and wet, and she could see he was searching her face for absolution. She reached down and took his hand.

                ‘Come inside. Please,’ she said as she stood and he allowed himself to be lead again. She let them in through the kitchen door and then she released him, watching as he wandered slowly into the next room.

                ‘You changed her life,’ Barbara said as she followed him into the living room. ‘She was…stuck, living the life her aunt had left her with and not doing anything for herself. The love and the grief you put her through changed how she lived, how she viewed the world, and I watched a young girl finally start to turn into the person she would become.’

                Sirius had been looking around the room as she spoke, taking in all the small things that had made the house around him Georjaina’s home.

                ‘That’s her room there,’ Barbara said, pointing at a closed door.

                He hesitated and then crossed the room slowly, turning the handle. The room behind the door was dark and quiet, and he couldn’t make himself go inside. He shut the door again with a click and then turned away from it, looking back to her.

                ‘Just a moment,’ she suddenly said and she went into the kitchen, returning quickly with grey bag in her hands. ‘She had this on her when I found her. I thought you might want it.’

                He could feel his fingers shaking as he reached out for it and then something occurred to him and he opened it quickly, shoving his arm inside. He felt around as small bottles and various articles of clothing presented themselves to his hand, and then his fingers closer on a small, hard square and he pulled the journal out. He held it in his hand for a few moments, staring at the cover, and then he looked up at Barbara. She had also been looking at the book as well but then she met his eye and she gave him another tight smile.

                ‘Stay as long as you like,’ she said as she approached him. She reached out and grasped both his wrists in a friendly way, looking up into his face with kind eyes. ‘And take what you like. Just be careful. You know that’s the first thing she would have said to you right now.’

                Sirius nodded, his throat tight, and he leaned down so that she could kiss his cheek. She gave him one last look, patting the side of his arm, and then she turned and left, the kitchen door clicking shut behind her. Sirius stood for a long time in the middle of the room, thinking. Eventually he slid the journal into his pocket and set the bag on one of the side tables.

                Before he realized what he was doing he had ventured back to her bedroom door and he opened it slowly again. Not bothering with the light he crossed to the closet and pulled the double doors open with each hand. He hesitated again and then he reached slowly inside, fingering one of the shirts hanging from the rod. It was slightly familiar to him, something she must have worn once or twice when she had jumped, and he wondered vaguely why she hadn’t packed it when they left. He sighed and ran his hand along the line of clothing, recognizing a few more tops. And then he stepped back and shut the doors once more, turning to the room at large.

                The bed up against the wall wasn’t very big but he realized as he approached it that it was probably hers from when she was a child and she had never thought to upgrade. He sat on the edge of it, smoothing his hand across the neatly laid quilt, and then he lay down on his side, scooting up a little so that his head rested on the pillow.

                This was a mistake. He realized it as soon as he took a breath in of her familiar scent and the searing crack in his chest that had been waiting dormant burst open once more. He wrapped his arms around the pillow and pulled it to his face, holding it tightly as he shook with sobs, crying until he wasn’t able to any more.

 

 

Sirius closed the bedroom door behind him. He was careful to leave everything as he had found it, except for the pillow case. This he had pulled from the pillow and now carried folded in his hand. He went to cross to the kitchen again when something occurred to him and he went back to her bag he had left on the table. He reached inside once more, extracting the copy of her favorite book that he had bought for her, and the blue t-shirt she had been wearing when she had come back from jumping on the beach. He fingered the fabric of it, remembering how it had looked on her and how it had looked on James…he pressed the shirt to his face for a moment before folding it over his arm and leaving the bag on the table once more.

                And then he walked back through the house, out the kitchen door, and he disappeared once more.


	22. Chapter 22 - August 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe me when I tell you that writing the last chapter was extremely hard but I've been living with that inside of me for a while now. I always knew that was going to happen, from the very beginning, and it is somewhat of a relief to share the burden of it. Some of your comments broke my heart and I've very sorry for that, but that is how the story goes. Thank you for caring X

AUGUST 1995

 

Nearly a year had passed and Sirius was no better than he had been before. Saying that he had moved on was a gross overstatement but so many things began to happen in his life that he was able to distract himself and to allow himself to coast along with it all. Keeping Harry safe involved spending months in a cave outside of Hogsmead and growing so thin again that his clothes hung off of him. When he finally went back to Remus he became involved in more than just Harry’s protection; Dumbledore was reinstating the Order of the Phoenix and he was beyond eager to do what he could for the cause. He and Remus checked that he really did have access to Grimmauld Place and then he happily offered the house to the Order as Head Quarters. This gave them all a safe place to meet but also presented him with the prospect of not living alone. There were always people about, coming and going, and in the summer Author and Molly Weasley moved their entire household in to help out.

                And then in August Harry finally arrived and for the first time in a long time Sirius felt a small sense of comfort. He would finally have a chance to talk to Harry about things he should have been told a long time ago. He had gone through so much to protect the boy and he was now under his roof, where he could keep an eye on him.

             For the most part Sirius avoided many parts of the house, including what was once his own bedroom. He housed Buckbeak in his mother’s room because there was still some small sense of rebellion in him. He was sure being back in this house again was bringing it out in him.

                The week after Harry arrived they spent cleaning out many of the rooms on the main levels but once that calmed down he started to feel a little curious. He had poked his head into his brother’s room, which looked exactly as it had the last time he had seen it, and then one late one night, when there hadn’t been an Order meeting, he had ventured into his own childhood bedroom.

                As he looked around he couldn’t help but smirk at the fact that the posters and Gryffindor hangings he had magicked onto the wall were still there. There was a fine layer of dust over everything and he wondered if any of his family had come in here after he had left. On instinct he checked under the bed but found nothing but more dust and a few stray books. He pulled open the drawers of his bureau, finding clothes that were vaguely familiar but still felt like he was looking into a stranger’s things.

                The closet across the way was left cracked open invitingly and his curiosity peaked again. A closet was a great place to hide things, even from himself. Inside he found several sets of dress robes hanging, all of them miles too short for him now, and even a nice black suite. It was folded over a hanger along with a white shirt and a tie. He pulled it out and frowned at it because it wasn’t really familiar at all. It was probably something his brother had stuck in there, perhaps to hide from their mother, though he couldn’t think why.

                There was a shelf running along the top of the closet and he pulled several boxes down. One of them contained an array of Muggle magazines, most of which featured motionless pictures of scantily clad women. With another grin he put the top on that box and pushed it back into the closet with his foot. Another small box was full bits of parchment covered in his own scrawl. He remembered putting random letters and conversations he had written down in here when he first returned to from Hogwarts. It was like a journal, of sorts, and he wondered why he never thought to write it all down in one book.

This box too he pushed back into the closet, thinking he would explore it more later, and then he took up the last box, the one that had been on the bottom. There was a strange sense of foreboding in his stomach that he ignored with a frown and then he pulled the top off to reveal a neatly folded jumper. It was a grey knitted pattern with small brown buttons and as he reached in to remove it he realized that his fingers were shaking.

Something inside him was stirring. The crack in his chest that had broken open last October felt as though it had never healed properly and now he could feel small tears breaking down it now, and bits of the darkness inside was shining out. With one hand he pulled the jumper out, with the other he dropped the box onto the floor. He had looked for this before he had left to move in with the Potters and, at the time, had been upset that he wasn’t able to find it in his hurry to leave. But it had been right here, all this time, folded carefully into a box that he knew no one would touch.

He thought about Georjaina every single day, about the life they might have had together, about the way her hair felt when he tangled his hands into it, about the color of her eyes when she looked him in the face…but this? This was a sucker punch he hadn’t seen coming. He pressed the jumper to his face, his eyes pricking painfully as the crack burst further open.

 

 

The following evening he had skipped dinner and sat alone in one of the parlors upstairs, nursing a horrible hangover. He sat at a chair by the window, holding a steaming cup of tea that he had reheated twice with his wand because he couldn’t actually make himself drink it yet. He was very grateful that Remus hadn’t come by today.

                There was a sudden soft knock on the door and he looked around curiously as Hermione stuck her head inside.

                ‘Come in,’ he mumbled and she did, shutting the door quietly behind her. She held a book in her hands as she approached him and he motioned to the seat across from him for her to sit. ‘Where are the boys?’

                ‘They’re playing wizard’s chess,’ she replied, giving him a wry smile. ‘I’m not very good at it.’

                Sirius nodded and then managed to take a long sip from his cup. He felt the warmth from it spread throughout his chest and he sighed a little in relief.

                ‘Are you feeling alright?’ she asked, watching his carefully. Sirius hesitated and then nodded.

                She knew full well why he looked the way he did. The night before, when he was finally able to force himself to leave his bedroom, he had gone straight to the kitchen and the bottles stashed in the back of the pantry. Hermione, who had skipped dinner because she was too busy with her summer homework, had come down an hour later to find him sitting miserably alone at the table. After gauging his reaction to her intrusion on his obviously private turmoil, she had lit a fire in the grate and sat beside him. And he had told her everything.

                She was mostly outside the story, someone who had never met her and who would look at it all without judgement. He even told her things he hadn’t admitted to Remus, like what exactly he went through when he visited her home.

                ‘I’m alright,’ Sirius said, nodding. He shifted in his seat, uncomfortable because she was obviously hesitating, and then she noticed he was eyeing the book in her lap.

                ‘Sirius, did your friend ever mention researching her condition?’ she asked suddenly and he frowned, surprised.

                ‘Not directly,’ he replied after a moment. ‘But I’m sure she would have.’

                Hermione nodded, fingering the book. ‘Well, I was curious so I went through your library here and…and I think I found something.’ She held the book up to show him the cover. ‘This is a book by Professor Cuthbert Sams. He was at Hogwarts in the ‘40s and ‘50s, but before that he studied genetics. He was actually one of the wizards that proved that magical ability is based on genetics and not random selection.’

                ‘That hasn’t always been common knowledge?’ he asked.

                ‘No. People didn’t even accept it at first. They said it didn’t explain Muggleborns and squibs but actually it does…’ She trailed off, stopping herself from going off track. ‘Anyway, Professor Sams specialized in studying abnormal magical abilities, such as being a Metamorphmagus. He was attempting to prove that these abilities were not only genetic but hereditary, meaning they were a mutation that was passed down through a family. And, on top of that, he believed that if a child received a mutated gene from one parent and a different one from the other parent, even if one of them was dormant, that the gene could mutate again.’

                Sirius was staring at her quietly. He understood what she was saying but didn’t know what she was coming around to. She could see this on his face and she took a moment to collect her thoughts again before continuing.  

                ‘In 1928 and 29 he did a study on three subjects that I believe were like your friend. One of them was his own first cousin and the other two he found in different parts of the world. He called it Cerebral Chronosic Shifting and he wrote that it was extremely rare. He believed there weren’t more than five or six people living at one time with this condition.’ She hesitated because there was a strange look on Sirius’ face, but when he didn’t comment she continued on. ‘This study helped him prove that abnormal magical abilities were hereditary because all three subjects had a Seer in their past. And it makes sense that they were passed that particular gene because, like a Seer, they had access to the past and future, but instead of having visions they took it a step further and physically traveled there.’

                Sirius had bowed his head and she let him think in silence for a little bit. And when he looked up again she noticed his eyes were a little glassy.

                ‘That does sound like her,’ he said after a little while. ‘Of course there’s a perfectly good explanation for all of it.’ He sighed, running a hand over his face and then looking back at her, his eyes red. ‘But what about the fact that people she met forgot about her?’

                ‘Actually that’s explained too, here,’ she said, opening the book on her lap and pointing at a passage she had bookmarked. ‘They all experienced it. Professor Sams believes it was a residual magic of sorts, meant to protect them in case they met someone they already knew or someone that could hurt them or even themselves. Traveling in time can be extremely dangerous and they had no control over where they went or how long they were gone.’

                ‘But what about me?’ he asked, sounding like he was not relieved as she expected him to be. ‘I remembered her, I always did, my entire life.’

                Hermione shook her head, frowning slightly. ‘I don’t know. That didn’t happen to any of the others. They only shifted a few times a year and to random spots that had nothing to do with a single person.’ She gave him a tight smile. ‘There must have been something else connecting the two of you.’

                Sirius sighed and he covered his eyes with one of his hands for a moment, thinking again. Hermione closed the book on her lap and waited quietly.

                ‘Thank you, Hermione,’ he said when he finally looked at her once more. ‘It’s not that I wouldn’t have gone looking for this…it’s a small comfort to know it, actually, but I wouldn’t have thought to look for it here.

                She knew what he meant, even if he seemed to be having trouble expressing it. She nodded again, her smile a little more genuine this time, and then she stood. Silently she held out the book to him and he hesitated before taking it carefully into his hands.

                ‘I was hoping this would help you find solace,’ she said quietly before heading toward the door.

                Sirius watched her go, feeling an ache in his chest where the crack was but nothing burst open. He fingered the book in his lap, running his palm over the leather cover, wondering if Georjaina had ever read it.  


	23. Chapter 23 - May 1996

MAY 1996

 

‘I have realized that the past and future are real illusions,

that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.’

-Alan W. Watts

 

He could smell the trees on the wind as it blew about him. The tall yellow grass swayed and danced against the bright blue sky, making the sound of pieces of parchment as they were rubbed together. He couldn’t see her but he knew she was there. He couldn’t see anything but the grass and the sky above him, but he knew exactly where he was, where the cottage was, were the bridge in the woods was, and he felt no need to stir from this spot.

                She _was_ there. Of course she was. This is where she would always be, where she would wait for him. She whispered words into his ear, words that carried on the wind, words he couldn’t quite make out over the sound of rubbing parchment, but it didn’t matter because he could hear her voice again.

                ‘Stay away from the bridge,’ he mumbled, though he wasn’t sure why. He had never feared the bridge and he certainly didn’t hold onto the bad things that had happened there. Because that was where he had first seen her, where she had first spoken to him, and he had known then that she would always be in his life.

                There was a deep ache in his chest, as if someone was stabbing him and he frowned, feeling at his shirt with his fingers. He expected to find blood or darkness there, something spilling out of him from the perpetual tear in his chest but there was nothing.

                It was just a hole.

                Sirius opened his eyes and stared up at the dark ceiling as the images of the grass and the bright sky drifted away from him. On instinct he sat up and looked around the room, still feeling as though someone was there but he was alone.

                He hadn’t pulled one of the curtains on the windows down fully and a soft blueish light was filtering in through the crack, telling him that it was still early. Remus would be coming today and Sirius has promised him breakfast so, ignoring the shaking he felt in his fingers, he grabbed up his robe from the end of the bed and padded out of the room.

                He tried not to think about the dream as he worked, setting a knife to cutting potatoes while he fried bacon by hand. It hadn’t been the first time he had experienced it and he could still smell the woods and the grass every time he closed his eyes.

 

 

When Remus arrived he was surprised to find Sirius sitting at the kitchen table waiting for him, an array of different foods on plates in front of him.

                ‘Special occasion?’ Remus asked as he shrugged his coat off and sat down across from Sirius.

                ‘Just trying to make something nice,’ Sirius replied, giving him a forced smile as he reached over to pour tea for them both. ‘We don’t get that often any more.’

                Remus nodded appreciatively and took several pieces of bacon onto his plate. Sirius took this as a sign to dig in as well and they ate quietly for a while.

                ‘So, what is it?’ Remus asked when he had finished his first helping and Sirius tried to look perplexed at his question. ‘I know you, Padfoot. You’re buttering me up for something with all this food.’

                Sirius ducked his head so that he wouldn’t see his guilty smile. He took a long drink from his tea to distract himself and then he looked up at his friend once more.

                ‘I want to visit Wessex,’ he said, forcing confidence into his voice. And he held up a hand when Remus opened his mouth to immediately reply. ‘Just one last time.’

                ‘Last time?’ Remus interjected, frowning.

                ‘You know how it is lately,’ Sirius replied, shaking his head. ‘Things are getting…more dangerous and out of control. And I just…I have this feeling that I should go now while I still have a chance.’

                Remus stared at him for a little bit, thinking.

                ‘Moony, please. It’s the last thing that I have of her.’

                He could see something was softening in Remus’ face. The other man sighed, shaking his head a little, and then he nodded.

                ‘Alright. But I’m coming with you,’ he said. Sirius gave him a pleading look and he sighed again. ‘You’ll let me at least see you there safely, then?’

                Sirius half smiled and nodded.

                ‘And you’ll let me Transfigure your face.’

                Sirius gave him a tight smile. ‘Yes. Whatever I need to do to go, I will.’

                Remus began to put more food on his own plate distractedly. ‘When do you want to go?’

                ‘You’re coming back this Thursday, right?’ Sirius asked and Remus nodded as he munched on a piece of bacon. ‘We could go that morning, before everyone else is around.’

                Remus took a long drink from his tea. ‘We just won’t tell anyone else about this.’

                ‘Agreed.’

 

 

The morning of May 21st Remus arrived early at Grimmauld Place, as promised, and he went straight up to the parlor Sirius frequented, not knowing if anyone else had stayed in the house the night before. He locked the door behind him and turned to Sirius, who was absently sitting in a chair by the window, sipping at what Remus could smell was coffee instead of tea.

                ‘Are you sure about this?’ Remus asked as he approached him and then sat in chair across from him.

                ‘Are you not?’

                ‘I just…don’t want to see you get hurt,’ Remus replied.

                Sirius sighed and took a long sip from his cup. ‘I dream of the field at Wessex almost every night,’ he said and Remus stared at him with a strange look on his face. ‘I think…I think this is my closure, what I need to get over this.’

                ‘That is understandable,’ Remus replied, nodding. He hesitated and then pulled out his wand from his sleeve. ‘Alright, then. Any preferences on your appearance?’

                ‘Just don’t make me ugly,’ Sirius replied with a slight chuckle as he set his cup down and leaned forward in his seat.

                Remus rolled his eyes but there was a small smile in the corner of his mouth that came out whenever Sirius reminded him of how he had been when they were much younger. It had been happening more and more lately.

                ‘Hold still.’ He flicked his wand silently, working for several minutes before he finally gave a nod and Sirius stood, crossing over to a small mirror on the wall. He blinked in surprise at his reflection; his hair was the same length but very blonde and his normally dark eyes were now an icy blue. And something had definitely changed about his nose.

                ‘Nice job,’ he commented as he fingered his chin. ‘I don’t even recognize myself.’

                ‘You know it won’t last forever, so we should get going,’ Remus replied as he stood as well.

                Sirius checked himself one last time in the mirror and then followed Remus to the door.

 

They appeared in the field at Wessex, on the other side of the hill from the cottage.

                ‘Where you planning on visiting the house?’ Remus asked, blinking in the bright sunlight.

                Sirius shrugged. ‘If you think it’s safe, I would like to.’

                ‘I’ll check first. Stay here, alright?’

                Sirius nodded, shielding his eyes as he watched the other man climb the hill and disappear over it. The tall yellow grass was swaying around him and he could smell the trees. Heart pounding, he looked around him at the achingly familiar field, trying to hold back the rush of memories that were forcing themselves upon him.

With a sigh he began to walk slowly through the grass, letting his hand skim across the top of it as he went. He was unconsciously heading toward the woods and, inevitably, to the trail that lead down to the bridge but, as he approached the wood line, he noticed movement between the trees and he slowed.

                Reaching into his pocket to grip his wand Sirius watched carefully as he continued to move slowly through the tall grass. Someone was definitely on the trail, heading out of the woods, and a few moments later he realized it was a child. She hadn’t seen him yet and he stopped, watching as she came into the field.

                ‘Hello there,’ he called softly, trying to sound extra friendly.

                The little girl looked around quickly and then took several steps back once she finally saw him. Sirius smiled at her even though his throat was suddenly tight and there was a deep ache in the crack in his chest.

                ‘I’m not going to hurt you,’ he said after a few moments. ‘I…oh, are you hurt?’ He had suddenly realized that she was holding her forearm with the opposite hand and there was blood dripping down between her fingers. ‘Can I see?’

                The little girl watched him carefully with her glassy green eyes but she didn’t back away again as he approached. He was still smiling as he knelt down in front of her and she pulled her hand back to show him the cut on her skin. It was mostly superficial and only looked bad because of the amount of blood.

                ‘Is it alright if I fix it?’ he asked, watching her face. She studied him silently for several moments before nodding her head. He pulled out his wand, cleaning away the blood with a spell first before closing the wound. ‘You shouldn’t have much of a scar. I’ve always been rather good at healing spells.’

                She inspected her arm carefully before looking up at him again, this time with a slight smile.

                ‘Thank you.’

                Sirius smiled back at her and then sat back in the grass. She hesitated, looking around them, and then she did the same. He couldn’t stop looking at her, taking in her face and the distinct reddish blonde of her hair. It was much curlier now than when she was older.

                ‘How did you cut yourself?’ he asked.

                She clearly hesitated. ‘I fell…on the bridge in there,’ she replied, pointing at the woods.

                Sirius nodded in understanding. ‘How old are you?’

                ‘Just five,’ she said as she picked at a piece of the grass and ran it through her fingers methodically. ‘How old are you?’

                ‘Thirty six,’ he replied, chuckling at the look on her face; clearly this was ancient to a five year old.

                He watched her quietly as she continued to play with the piece of grass, recognizing some of the mannerisms in her movements and the way her face looked when she was far off somewhere thinking. Eventually he cleared his throat and she looked back to him expectantly.

                ‘Have you run away?’ he asked carefully, noticing that she hesitated again. Even at this age it seemed an instinct of her to protect herself by holding back the truth.

                ‘Sort of, yes.’

                ‘And…do you do that often?’

                She pressed her lips together as she thought and then she nodded her head. ‘Sometimes.’

                Sirius nodded and then frowned as realization crept upon him. She was five; that meant her parents would be leaving her soon, or perhaps they already had. He looked at her anew, the ache radiating in his chest again. What had Hermione said? That they had some sort of connection beyond her abilities? Perhaps this was where that connection came from. There were so many things he could say to her that would make her trust him right now but a voice in the back of his mind warned that would be dangerous. But knowing what she was probably going through now and everything else that was to come, he felt the need to give her some sort of comfort.

                ‘I used to run away as well,’ he told her and she looked intrigued. ‘One time I did it and I never came back.’

                ‘Really? Where did you run to?’ Her eyes were round in wonder.

                ‘To people that actually cared about me,’ he replied, feeling his throat tighten again.

                She looked as if she understood. She had picked another blade of grass and was rubbing it against the old one between her finger and thumb.

                Sirius leaned toward her a little. ‘Listen, I know this might sound strange but I understand what it’s like not to have somewhere to go. So I want you to consider this a safe place,’ he said, placing his hand on his chest to show sincerity. ‘You’re always welcome here.’

                There was the smallest smile on her face and he noticed that she was staring at his hand, where his fingers were pressed to his shirt. He looked down as well, wondering what was so interesting about it, and when he looked up into her face again he felt a small prick in the palm of his hand. Pulling it away sharply he examined his palm but there was no sign of a mark there.

                ‘Do you promise?’ she said quietly and when he looked up again he found she was holding her small hand out to him. Hesitantly he reached out and grasped her fingers.

                ‘I promise,’ he replied with confidence.

                ‘You won’t forget, will you?’

                He looked into her small face for a long time, a strange warmth in his chest, and then he squeezed her fingers gently. ‘I’ll never forget you.’

                This time she smiled at him fully and then suddenly she pulled her hand back.

                ‘I…I have to go,’ she said, standing quickly.

                Sirius stood as well, feeling as though he should feign curiosity but couldn’t bring himself around to it. ‘Take care of yourself, alright? And if you come back here…stay away from the bridge.’

                She nodded as she turned away from him quickly and he watched as she pushed her way through the grass and into the trees, disappearing.

                Sirius sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He wondered if she had remembered this day. She must have…but then, he didn’t look like himself right now and, if she hadn’t seen the cottage, there was no telling this field from any other. She would have had no way of telling that the man she met when she was five was the man she would come to love.

 

 

A little while later Sirius approached the cottage slowly, his mind wandering absently, and, when Remus waved at him out the door to come inside, he smiled.


	24. Chapter 24 - June 18th, 1996

JUNE 18th, 1996

The Department of Mysteries

 

Sirius was enjoying himself. Despite the impending danger to himself and to those he cared most for, he couldn’t help but revel in the excitement of dueling. After so many months stuck in his horrible childhood home, feeling as though he was nothing but useless to the Order, he was finally out and free and right in the middle of the excitement.

                Facing off with Death Eaters was an ultimate exhilaration in itself, with all the terrible feelings he harbored for them in general, but when he was pared off with Bellatrix Lestrange his enjoyment grew. This was more than it appeared on the surface; she represented the family that he had run from, the family that had shunned him, and he could tell by the wicked glint in her eye that she was thinking the same thing.

                She was mad, he knew this better than most, and she was entertained by harming others. He knew that if she were to strike him down it would be pure elation for her but he couldn’t let her get away with it that easily. He laughed and danced around the dais, taunting her as they dueled and watching as the frustration grew on her face.

                Suddenly people were yelling around them again and he was vaguely aware of someone tall charging down the steps toward them. Undeterred, Bellatrix screeched out a spell and a jet of red light came streaking at him but Sirius was able to duck out of the way, laughing.

                ‘Come on, you can do better than that!’ he taunted her, the grin on his face reminiscent of the handsome boy he had once been.

                Sneering, she recovered quickly and shot another spell at him. For a split second he thought he would hesitate and then step aside, taunting her further, but his timing was off and he felt something warm and hard slam into his chest. He could still feel his delight, the want to laugh aloud, even as his body stiffened and he couldn’t feel his fingers any more. He was falling backward, falling toward the eerie veil hanging from the empty arch. Even amongst the shouts and screams he had heard the whispers behind the veil, and understood it was for the same reason he had always been able to see the Thestral pulling the carriages at Hogwarts. The image of the woman lying in the street in front of the car flashed before his eyes. _Georjaina_ , he thought. He still had such a hard time thinking of the woman he had seen when he was so young as her.

                It was only seconds but also an eternity as he fell, and he was able to look to where he saw movement. It was Harry, coming down the steps toward him, pulling out his wand, a horrified look on his face. Sirius wanted to call out to him, to tell him that it would all be alright, but then he felt a strange nothingness behind him and he fell into a cold, windswept darkness, and he knew no more.

 

 

And then from the darkness he emerged, first into sounds so loud and muffled he couldn’t take them in. Frowning, he shook his head back and forth, as if to tune his mind, and the sounds grew steadily clearer. He was just starting to realize that the high pitched beeping was actually the sound of birds calling to each other when he gained another sense; there were a thousand smells around him, of the grass and the trees and the warm summer air. And after a little while he was able to make out the sounds of the wind blowing through the trees and the bits of parchment being rubbed together around him.

                It was as if he were awakening from a heavily drugged sleep and one by one the sounds and smells slowly presented themselves to him until he knew exactly where he was. He attempted to open his eyes but was blinded by a bright, blueish light, and he closed them again. For a while he watched the light through his eyelids, allowing his eyes to adjust as he felt the sharp blades of grass beneath him with his fingers. And when he opened his eyes again he found he was staring up at a clear, blue sky, yellow grass towering over him in every direction.

                He smiled, feeling relief flood through him. He stretched his arms over his head, feeling some of the blades of grass dance between his fingers, and then he laid his arms out to either side of him, relaxed. Something warm slid into his left hand, something familiar, and he looked over. Georjaina was lying beside him, her hand in his and a small smile on her face. She looked exactly as he had last seen her, small tendrils of her hair blowing about her in the wind.

                ‘I dreamt of this,’ she said, the sound of her voice washing over him. ‘I dreamt of lying here with you in the sunlight, holding your hand.’

                ‘I know,’ he replied, squeezing her fingers. ‘You were only waiting for me.’

                It wasn’t a question but she nodded anyway, her smile growing.

                ‘I thought you might forget me,’ she said and he expected to feel the familiar ache in his chest but there was nothing there but warmth.

                The crack was gone.

                Sirius shook his head, looking happily into her face, knowing that it would never disappear from him again.

                ‘I already told you I would never forget you,’ he said. ‘I promised.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 64,984 words later and I feel a great sense of accomplishment but also despair. It has been an amazing journey and I am so very grateful for each and every one of you that experienced it with me. Thank you so much for reading and for all the amazing reviews, it has meant the world to me. Hopefully this will help me to write and publish more.
> 
> This is where the story was always heading. This is what I dreamt of, someone waiting for him on the other side of the veil besides the obvious people. I always thought Sirius deserved the greatest love from everyone he surrounded himself with and I'm happy that I was able to add to that, at least in my own head.
> 
> Thank you, always X

**Author's Note:**

> I dreamt of Georjaina, before I knew anything else about this story. The Time Traveler’s Wife has always been one of my favorite books and that idea of uncontrollable time travel must have been waiting in my mind to attach itself to a character.
> 
> It has been such a pleasure to write this story. It’s been one that I haven’t had to think about much, it’s just come pouring out of me and onto the page. I sincerely hope you enjoyed this beginning and everything that is to come. 
> 
> Obviously I claim no rights on Sirius or the world he lives in. That honor goes to the queen, J.K. Rowling. And it’s been brought to my attention that I should clarify the pronunciation of my character’s name, before it’s asked: Johr-Jane-Ah. It’s a variation of Georgina or Georgiana. Sirius usually calls her Jaina, which is pronounced Jane-Ah.
> 
> Comments are always welcome.


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